"Wake up in the morning, fall in love. Eat lunch, fall in love, and at night, fall in love again. That's my dream life," said the dark haired man in the short, tight swim trunks. "So how about it? Go out with me tonight. I promise you won't regret it."

Suzie was at a loss for words. This man had been following her around the beach all day trying to get her to agree to go on a date. "How about this," she said, "If I agree to go on a date with you, you agree to never talk to me again unless I tell you it's okay."

"Awesome. You won't regret it. I'll take you to all the hotspots. The Stoic Club, Restaurant Summers, and maybe we'll even go out on a boat ride."

"You live here then? You sure know a lot about Summers."

"Oh no, I'm just on vacation."

"How long?"

"Oh, I don't know. I think I'm going on three years."

Suzie's mouth opened and closed but words failed to come right away. At last she managed to ask, "Three years? How the hell can you afford to go on a three-year vacation?"

"I'm Jason Mach."

"That doesn't really answer my question."

"Yes it does. I'm Jason Mach: a man of mystery and poetry; a lover of the arts and women; a man at home at both really expensive hotels and ridiculously expensive hotels. Oh, and I'm also the heir to the Mach Pizza fortune."

"Mach Pizza? You guys have one location. How can you have that much money."

"We've got a good business model. We're the only place for pizza in the entire world, we deliver anywhere within three minutes, we charge $238 for a large pizza, and we only have two employees, three once we open the Onett branch."

"That doesn't make any sense. I... don't even know where to start. Three minutes to anywhere in the world?"

"Sure, our delivery guy Eduardo is amazing. Actually, I'm not entirely sure Eduardo is one person. I think he might be a giant network of people who look exactly the same and split $7 per hour like... 300 ways."

"But... the pizza... how does the pizza get all the way across the world in 3 minutes?"

"Beats me. We don't actually make pizza. We just tell Eduardo to deliver it. It's not important though. What is important is that you are going to fall in love tonight. I'll show you the magic of Summers. Meet me by the dude who thinks he's a billboard right outside Toto at 5:00."

Before Suzie could say anything, Jason was skipping away, singing happily.

After a few hours of asking around, Suzie finally found the billboard man outside of Toto. His name was Reginald Nusbaum the Twelfth, and he was quite pleasant. At 5:00 on the dot, Jason popped up right next Suzie, who screamed.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down there little lady," Jason said. "It's just me, the most romantic man in the world."

"Where did you come from?"

"If I told you that would ruin my air of mystery."

Quickly recovering from her fright, Suzie said, "What are we doing first?"

"First? First we have to get an in at The Stoic Club. I've never actually been there before, but I've heard there's a guy in Toto that guarantees he can get anyone in."

Suzie and Jason walked through the quaint streets of Toto. Suzie admired the stucco homes with red Spanish tile roofs. As they walked past a black lamppost, she felt Jason trying to take her hand. She swatted it away.

"Good evening Captain," Jason suddenly said.

Suzie looked up and saw the man to whom Jason was talking. The Captain was hunched and grizzled looking. He had a beard that would put Santa Claus to shame, and he wore the stereotypical garb of a sailor: a funny looking white hat and a blue and white striped shirt. Suzie thought he looked like he stepped out of an old movie.

"And what brings you around tonight Mr. Mach?" the Captain asked.

"Captain, I'd like to introduce you to my girl Suzie," Jason said as Suzie gave him an angry look.

"And how do you do Miss?"

"I'm doing fine Captain, and is this your boat?" Suzie said gesturing to the large red boat with white trim anchored at the end of the dock.

"That she is, my one true love," the Captain said before hastily adding, "other than my wife of course."

"Do you think you could take us out on your boat later tonight?" Jason asked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Mach, but we all be closed for business for now. As long as the Kraken be roaming the seas, Toto is at her mercy."

"The what?" Suzie asked.

"The Kraken. The most fearsome beast that ever lived. She's already destroyed five boats. We lost good men: Stumpy, Hook, Patchy, Polly, and Thaddeus."

"Oh well," Jason said, "I guess I'll have to take Suzie out some other time. Have a good night Captain."

"And you too Mr. Mach. Take care Suzie."

Later on, Suzie and Jason were making their way through the main thoroughfare of Summers on their way to The Stoic Club. Suzie missed the character of the architecture in Toto already. The buildings in Summers didn't have the same soul. She and Jason were getting into The Stoic Club thanks to a recommendation from a man named Amar Johnson. Suzie had been alarmed when Amar had pleaded with them to stay away from The Stoic Club, but Jason insisted that it was the ultimate place to go in Summers.

When they finally arrived, Suzie was surprised by the décor.

"This is it? A small room with a bunch of people standing around a stage staring at a rock?" she said.

"Shhh... not so loud," Jason said. "This is The Stoic Club, if they say that this is cool then call me Fred Flinstone because I love rocks."

Suzie felt a finger tapping her on the shoulder, she turned around to see a blonde-haired woman with glasses staring at her.

"I enjoy the voluminous nature of your hair," she said. "I hypothesize that it indicates your execution of a strategy emphasizing the deployment of both conditioner and shampoo. May I inquire into the precise nature and execution of said deployment strategy?"

While saying all of this, the woman was mere inches from Suzie's face. She stumbled backwards and bumped into a man dressed in all green and wearing a mask.

"Pardon moi mademoiselle ex post facto hyperbole omega point transcendent hyperbaric res judicata," he said.

"That's just nonsense," Suzie said. "What is wrong with you people?"

"I'm sorry," the masked man said, "I'm still new at this. I either make sense or I use big words. I have trouble doing both at the same time. Let me try again. Didactically speaking, seminal evidence seems to explicate the fact that your repudiation of entropy supports my theory of space-time synthesis. Hey, I think I finally got it."

"But I didn't repudiate entropy," Suzie said. "Why would I repudiate entropy?" She turned around and came face to face with the woman in glasses again. This time she was licking her own fingers.

"Mmmmm... I just endeavored to retrieve a delectable morsel of Magic Cake from my object transportation device and... oh... I feel funny," she said. Her eyes started to glaze over, and she said in a loud voice:

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity... Ah-choo!"

She snapped out of her trance just as quickly has it had begun.

"Was that... Yeats?" Suzie asked.

"Was what Yeats?" the woman responded.

"That poem. That was definitely the first verse of Yeats' 'The Second Coming.'"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said the woman dropping her verbose act. "All I know is I don't feel very good." Clutching her stomach, she ran out of The Stoic Club.

"I can't possibly fall in love in a place like this Suzie," Jason said. "Let's get out of here."

Suzie had been in a lot of restaurants in her life but never one as fancy as Restaurant Summers. The room was filled with warm light as rays from the setting sun reflected off the ocean and into the restaurant.

"Now this is a place where I can fall in love," said Jason with a smile.

Suzie would never admit it to Jason, but she was starting to agree.

"My name is Wendy and I'll be taking your order tonight," said the waitress, breaking into the moment. "It's good to see you again Mr. Mach. We always love seeing a patron of your financial standing in our restaurant. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

"Give me an ice coffee Wendy," Jason said.

"Just a water for me please," Suzie said.

"Water? Please. We do not serve such trash here," Wendy said.

"You don't serve water? Fine, I'll take lemonade."

"Lemonade? Please. We do not serve such trash here."

Suzie felt heat rushing into her cheeks. "Well then, what exactly do you serve here?"

"You can have ice coffee or ice coffee."

"Well I guess I'm having ice coffee."

"Excellent. I'll be back with two ice coffees, and I'll take your order when I come back."

The sun had sunk below the horizon. The moment was gone. Suzie looked across the table at Jason. He was looking at himself in a spoon and combing his hair. She sighed.

"What's good here?" she asked.

"I get the Kraken Soup every time I come," he replied.

"So it's good then?"

"Oh it's fine."

"It's fine? Why do you get it every time?"

"Because it's the most expensive thing on the menu."

"How much does it cost?

"$648."

"$648! Seriously?"

"Hey, I'm Jason Mach. I'm not poor." Jason went back to fixing his hair.

Suzie looked over the menu: Kraken Soup, Braised Boa over Minced Baby Leeks, Pasta di Summers, Chef's Special."

"What's the Chef's Special?"

"Beats me. I get the Kraken Soup."

"Here are your ice coffees. What would you like to eat?" Wendy said, arriving just as Suzie's temper was rising.

"Well I notice you only have four entrees," Suzie said, "and I was wondering if I could order off menu?"

"Why certainly, as long as we serve it."

"Thanks Wendy. Could I just have a steak cooked medium please?"

"Steak? Please. We do not serve such trash here."

Suzie stood up quickly, knocking her chair over.

"Why are you being so serious Suzie?" Jason said. "You're in Summers, a town of beauty, romance, and exorbitant prices. You're going to start bringing everyone else down. We'll have two Kraken Soups, Wendy. I am, after all, Jason Mach."

Suzie and Jason didn't talk much after that. Suzie dreamed of the day that she could leave this nightmare vacation behind.

"Your Kraken Soup Mr. Mach and... you," Wendy said.

"Thank you very much Wendy," Jason said. "It looks delicious."

And it was. Suzie had never tasted anything quite like Kraken Soup. Although, she thought to herself, the least a $628 soup could do is taste good. Jason hadn't started eating yet; he was still admiring his reflection in his spoon.

"Amazing," Suzie said.

"I couldn't agree more."

"Everything about it is just perfect."

"Almost as though God came down and made it himself."

"I especially like the way that the tomato cream base keeps the Kraken from overpowering the dish."

"I know. I look like I was chiseled out of rock."

"Wait, what?"

"We were talking about me, right?"

"No. I was talking about the soup."

"I'm going to be honest. I had trouble hearing you over the sound of my own handsomeness."

Just a few more hours Suzie, she thought to herself. You can hang in there for just a few more hours.

After dinner, the not-so-happy couple made their way out for desert. The hot sun had long since departed and the beachside road was lit by moonlight. Suzie looked out past the palm trees gently rustling in the wind at the waves rolling in.

"Summers. A beautiful stretch of land ruined by people," she said.

"What's that?" Jason said.

"Nothing. What are the dessert plans?"

"There's this great dessert cart a little bit up the way. I stop by it all the time, or at least I think I do. I'm not entirely sure. The whole things a bit hazy."

Suzie found Jason's response strange but chalked it up to his eccentric nature.

"Okay Suzie. Cover your eyes. I want this to be a surprise."

Suzie reluctantly agreed and covered her eyes. Jason took her by her other hand and led her down the road. Finally, they came to a stop.

"Two slices of your special cake," Suzie heard Jason say. "Open up Suzie. This is the best cake you'll ever taste."

Suzie chewed slowly. The cake was delicious at first, but that slowly morphed into an indescribably strange aftertaste. She uncovered her eyes.

"What is this stuff?" Suzie said.

"It's magic cake."

Suzie gagged. "Isn't that what that lady at The Stoic Club ate right before... right before... monkeys."

Suzie was in a giant, rocking cradle.

"Let me out Mom," she said. "I'm starting to get sick. Please let me out. I promise I won't shock Salsa anymore."

A shadowy figure leaned over the cradle and said, "Boy, you two be in a sad state."

Suzie woke up to see the Captain staring down at her.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"Well if I were to guess I'd say you two ate yourselves some Magic Cake. That be some potent stuff I do tell ye."

Suzie sat up and felt the blood rush to her head. The Captain placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her out. Suzie looked around. Summers was nowhere to be seen. She stood up and saw nothing but ocean. She looked down to her left and saw Jason still passed out with a content grin.

"Uh, Mr., uh Captain. Are we out on the ocean?"

"That we are lassie."

"I seem to remember something about a giant sea monster that attacked boats. Is that, um, not a problem anymore?"

"The Kraken? She still be out there." The Captain hummed pleasantly as he steered the boat.

"Then why are we out here?"

"Mr. Mach over there was very accomadatin' and gave me a million dollars to take you out on a boat ride. Can't be passin' up that kind of cash."

Suzie squinted at the Captain. She suddenly found seeing even a meter in front of her face very difficult. She looked up and saw that the moon had passed behind a thick cloudbank. Then she felt something even more disconcerting.

"Captain? Am I going crazy, or is the boat shaking?" she said. "Captain?" The only reply she got was a loud splash as the Captain went overboard followed by the sound of him swimming away. Then she heard a terrible screeching roar. Lightning flashed, thunder boomed, and she saw the Kraken for herself. It was a green serpent-like creature that was at least fifty meters long with red dorsal fins.

"Wake up Jason!" she said as she desperately shook him. "We've got to get out of here."

Jason licked his lips and turned over in the opposite direction as he mumbled, "Go away maid. Come back in three hours with my waffles. Golden waffles."

Trembling, Suzie started feeling around the boat. Rope, a slipper, the helm of the boat, she couldn't find anything useful. Finally, she felt what she was looking for: a life jacket. She quickly put it on and, without a backward glance, jumped overboard.

As Suzie paddled desperately away she heard the crack of the boat being ripped in two. She heard Jason's terrified screams. She heard the silence that followed. Suzie swam until she couldn't swim anymore, and then she passed out.

Suzie felt cold water wash over her and then withdraw. She opened her eyes and was blinded by the bright daylight.

Is it possible, she thought, am I actually still alive?

Suzie sat up and looked around. She saw a man farther up the beach lying on his back, holding his palm up to the sky. She looked farther up the beach and saw the buildings that dotted the main strip in Summers. She had survived her night of terror. Suzie's numb, waterlogged fingers struggled as she removed her life jacket. She wiped sand and seaweed off her arms and legs and out of her hair, and wearily walked towards L'Hotel du Summers.

On her way, she passed a group of kids being lectured by a heavily tanned, bleach blond man in a bright red convertible.

"Hey, hey!!" he said. "Stop putting your grimy fingerprints all over my car you little punk!"

The boy in the red cap started to reach for the bat hanging off his backpack, but the blond girl with a red ribbon in her hair put her hand on his shoulder and he stopped. In unison, the group of kids walked away one by one in a perfectly straight line. The man in the convertible turned his attention to Suzie.

"Hey there beautiful," he said, pulling down his sunglasses and winking. "My name is Andy Escargo, and I have an express package for you from my pants."