"Chicken Palace"
“So that’s when I said there was no way I was going to work overtime,” Aloysius Minch relayed as he licked the bone of the once-fried chicken clean. “They’d better appreciate me while I last, ‘cause one day I’m going to be a successful lawyer.”
“You tell ‘em, honey!” Lardna said, taking a bit of her fried chicken.
Aloysius sat back in the bench of the cushioned booth. He loved Friday nights; it was a weekly routine that he and Lardna would come to Chicken Palace, a little joint that had an all-you-can-eat buffet for only ten dollars a person every weekday evening. It was a good deal, and Aloysius always made sure to get his money’s worth. As Lardna picked up the last piece of food on her fifth plate, he looked out the window at the night sky.
Something seemed odd, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It seemed to be the way that the servers were staring at him. Their eyes showed disapproval, resentment. Almost a flicker of conspiracy.
But he brushed it all off. They were his friends. He’d been coming here for well over a year, so he gotten to know most of the servers. They’d better appreciate him for his continued patronage, though, because this certainly wasn’t the only chicken place in Onett. The Cock-A-Doodle-Coop was only a few minutes away, and the Cluck Truck was even closer. But he’d been a faithful patron of Chicken Palace, since he remembered that his parents used to take him as a kid.
“I’ll be right back,” Lardna said, getting up.
“Getting another plate?” Aloysius asked.
“Nope,” Lardna said as she began to walk in a quickened pace. “I’m making room for it.”
Aloysius shook his head. He loved his wife, but some people just didn’t seem to have any class, he thought as he rested his feet on her now empty seat. He’d have to talk to her about that later.
Suddenly, he smelled something. Something tasty, something mouth-watering. He glanced towards the origin of the smell. A cart filled with freshly fried chicken was being wheeled towards the buffet tables. The titillating smell made his stomach growl. Time to refill the plate.
He began to stand up, wondering what to do about Lardna’s purse. Just leave it, he thought. After all, he’d only be gone for a minute, and it didn’t take a long time for him to refill his plate. He certainly wasn’t going to carry it around with him. That would make him look like some type of woman. He made his way towards the cart, licking his lips. As he walked, he could overhear two servers talking to each other, goofing off instead of working.
“I heard the manager was finally going to throw them out tonight,” one said.
“About time. You know how much money we’ve lost since they’ve started eating here?”
Aloysius chuckled to himself. Some poor sap was about to get tossed out on his ear. Served them right; if they couldn’t act properly in an establishment such as this, then they ought not to come. He hoped that whoever these pair of losers were, they would make a scene, that way he could have dinner and a show.
He reached the cart, looking over the pieces of fried chicken. He liked to make as few trips as possible, though he usually had to walk back and forth enough times to complete a marathon just to get full. Therefore, he tried to find the largest pieces they had. Sadly, as usual, all the pieces were so dam small that he could probably inhale them in. He sighed, and reached over to grab the least-smallest of the batch. He ignored the plastic tongs that were set to the side. He much preferred getting to feel his chicken, the breaded crust caressing against his fingers. It made the overall experience that much more enjoyable.
That was when Aloysius felt strange again. He could sense that something was very wrong, that some type of great and powerful danger was lurking about. It was nearing closer, he could feel it. Finally, he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around. A man in a suit was standing in front of him, next to a rather bulky server. Something was off about this man, he could tell.
“Sir, are you aware that’s your seventh plate, and you’re not supposed to pick up the chicken with your hands?”
“Maybe if this joint actually cooked a respectable sized chicken, I wouldn’t have to keep coming back. I came here to enjoy myself, not exercise by having to keep getting up-and-down.”
The manager glared at Aloysius, which irritated him. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you and your wife to leave if you’re going to cause problems.”
“What problems are we causing?” Aloysius asked. “You people actually count how many times I come back to the buffet table?”
“No, we don’t. But you did use your hands to pick up the chicken. You’re supposed to use the tongs.”
Aloysius rolled his eyes. “Fine, if you want me to use the tongs, I’ll use the damn tongs. No need to get that upset about it.”
“You’ve also had six plates,” he continued. “We’re going to have to charge you again, because that’s our limit.”
“Aloysius!” Lardna screamed out, walking over to him. “How many times have I told you not to just leave my purse at the booth when we’re both gone. Take it with you, or show some restraint and wait until I get back.”
“Lardna, we’ve got even bigger problems than rather or not some blind sap would actually want to steal that gaudy purse of yours. We’re getting kicked out.”
Lardna turned to the manager. “I’m sorry; did my husband try and wheel the chicken cart back to our booth again?”
“No,” the manager said, getting very angry at this point. “But that is part of it. Every Friday evening, ever since you two started coming in, I’ve been getting more and more complaints about you from the servers and other customers. We’re tired of it; we want you to leave.”
Aloysius’s face began to turn red as he glared at the manager. “Then I want a refund! If I can’t have all-I-can-eat, then I should get my money back!”
“What?” the manager asked, aghast. “Between you and your wife, you ate almost one hundred dollars worth of food, and you got in for ten each. If anything, you owe us!”
“Let’s go, honey!” Lardna yelled. “Obviously, we’re not welcome here!”
“In a minute, dear. I got a few things I want to say. First, I’ve never been to an establishment that’s ever treated us like this before. Second, it says on the sign out front ‘all-you-can-eat!’ If I’m getting thrown out of here, while I was minding my own business and trying to get some more food, then I’m not eating all that I can!”
“We could give you enough chicken to fill the pyramids of Scarabia and you wouldn’t be eating all that you can! Now get out of here and don’t come back!”
“I’m almost an attorney, so you can bet that we’ll see you in court!” Aloysius yelled.
“Out!” the manager said. “Oh, and one more thing…”
“What?” Lardna asked.
The manager grabbed the plate, filled with chicken, from Aloysius’s hand. “You can’t take any to-go!”
“NOOOOOOO!”
++++++++++
Aloysius bolted upwards, breathing deeply, his face warm and drenched with sweat. He looked around, and sighed with relief. He was back in Fourside, in his own comfortable house, in his own room. He was laying in his own bed, not standing in the evil confines of Chicken Palace.
“Is everything alright?” a groggy Lardna asked.
He turned to his wife, who sleepily began to sit up.
“Yeah…” Aloysius said weakly.
“Oh,” Lardna said, understanding. “It was that nightmare again, wasn’t it?”
Aloysius nodded, trying to hold back tears. “They wouldn’t even let me get the refund, Lardna. Those greedy shysters wouldn’t even let me get the refund.”
“It’s alright,” Lardna comforted. “It was hard on both of us, what happened back there. But we have to be strong. Remember: happy thoughts.”
“I can’t think of anything but that manager’s face, telling us that we have to leave. He had no right! None at all!”
“Hey,” Lardna said suddenly, “remember that time Picky spilled that glass of water on the ground? Do you remember what you did?”
Aloysius smiled, even if only faintly. “Oh, yeah. I rubbed his nose in it and whacked him with a rolled-up newspaper.”
“Or that time you got mad at Pokey, and you went down to his school and told all his classmates that he wet his bed.”
Aloysius began to laugh. “That would have been even funnier if the principal didn’t end up calling Child Protective Services on us.”
“Still, he learned not to mouth off to you ever again,” Lardna reminded him.
“He sure did. Thanks Lardna, I feel better now.”
“Good. It’s only two in the morning, so get some sleep,” she ordered.
“Yes ma’am. Good night.”
“Good night,” she said, rolling on her side.
Aloysius sighed, and began to drift back to sleep, hoping that this time, it would be a peaceful, nightmare-free rest.