An Ultimate Christmas

	It was a week before Christmas, and all through the day, no creature dared move, except Chimera prey. For this was the Chimera laboratory, and anything that moved was Ultimate Chimera prey. Even pushing its button was useless, as it’s life partner, Birdicus, would simply press it again.

	The last Pigmask backed through the hall; there was no hope for survival. As the Ultimate Chimera came before him, he screamed, “Please, no, it’s Christmas! I have a family, and if you-” and was eaten.

	Later, the Ultimate Chimera(Let’s call him Ulty) asked Birdicus, “What’s Christmas? That last piggy man said something about it.”

	“You idiot, we share the same brain. If you don’t know, how would I know?” Birdicus(Let’s call him Bird) pecked Ulty’s head.

	“But I wanna know,” Ulty moaned.

	“If it’ll get you to shut up, we’ll go and find out, allright?”

	“Hooray!” Ulty shouted as they left the lab, “We’re learning about Christmas!”

	“Just shut up and fly us to New Pork. The quicker we get this done, the better,” Bird said, as they took to the skies. Ulty’s wings flew far and high, until they arrived at the ultimate city, New Pork City, home of the all-knowing King P.

	People screamed and ran from left to right, afraid for their lives. “That’s odd,” Ulty noted, “They don’t seem very happy to see us. I wonder why.”

	“You’re a bloodthirsty monster, you dolt. They don’t want to die. I mean, look at your teeth. Your mouth is almost a yard long. You could eat some of them in one bite.”

	“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Ulty said, as they crashed into the 100th floor of the Empire Porky building, and came face to face with the Natural Killer Cyborg. “Killer, do you know what Christmas is?”

	The Natural Killer Cyborg(How about Killer? That’s nice and short) blasted laser beams from its eyes. “WHAT-IS-CHRISTMAS? I-DO-NOT-KNOW. PERHAPS-I-SHOULT-INQUIRE. SEARCHING-DATABANKS. INQUIRY:CHRISTMAS. SEARCHING-SEARCHING-SEARCHING-DONE. CHRISTMAS IS-THIS? IT-SOUNDS-LIKE-IT-MUST-BE-A-DANGER-TO-KING-P. ASSIGNING-NEW-MISSON: SEEK-AND-DESTROY-TARGET: CHRISTMAS.”

	Killer flew out of the window Ulty had come in from, in search of Christmas. “Come on, you moron, let’s go and ask King P already, and get this stupid thing over with.” Ulty walked forward toward King P’s throne room. Before them stood, in a mighty purple mech, the great master Porky(Finally, a name I don’t have to shorten) himself.

	“Oh great, noble, grandular, awesome, and most humble King P, what is Christmas?” Porky let out a great sigh.

	“I HATE Christmas. It’s a stupid holiday where stupid people visit other stupid people and give them stupid presents. It stinks! I never got that Super Nintendo I wanted. All I ever got were stupid clothes! As if I need any more underwear! And then, I had to eat my grandma’s stupid cooking! Every year, always the same, stupid gifts, stupid food, and stupid relatives. You know what, just shut up about Christmas. Go away.”

	“I don’t get it.”

	“Just go and ask my robot in the back, and leave me alone.” Ulty understood that Porky was angry, and quickly flew to his robot, the Masked Man.

	“What’s Christmas?” Ulty asked again.

	“How should I know? I’m an emotionless killing machine. And yet, I feel something inside. It’s almost like I do know. I don’t know what I know, though. It seems as though I am broken. Maybe Porky can fix me.”

	“But what’s Christmas?”

	“I don’t know, but I think, I think it’s a time when families come together, put up a big tree, and spread love and kindness and gifts throughout the house. But since I am broken, I am probably right.”

	Ulty gasped. “Oh no! Christmas is that nice? Killer said he was going to destroy Christmas! Birdy, birdy, can we please stop him? Pleeease? I’ll be nice and good and kill people for you after. Pleeeeeease?”

	Bird grimaced, and sighed. “Ugh, fine, but you owe me. All right, Masked Man, where is he?”

	“The Natural Killer Cyborg? Knowing that idiot, he’s probably on the roof.” He lifted his arm cannon, and held in a blast so huge, it seemed as if it could take the ceiling out.  As he let out the blast, it did, and Killer came tumbling down.

	“We won’t let you destroy Chirstmas! It’s a good holiday, and I want to see what it’s like. I’ve never celebrated it, you know,” Ulty went on, “and-”

	The Masked Man interrupted, “PK Love Ω.” A gigantic blast of psychic energy completely obliterated the Natural Killer Cyborg. The Masked Man stepped forward, grabbed the remaining arm, and snapped it in half. 

	“Hooray!” Ulty shouted, “We saved Christmas!”

	The Masked Man stepped forward. “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-”

	The Happy Box turned off as OJ said, “Thanks for kicking the power, Lucky. I hate that show. Come on, let’s get ready for our next Christmas show! It’s almost time to get on stage!!”