a hegel5000 story

And now for some senseless babble, AKA author’s note

            Though this story’s main characters are from a dimension separate from ours, and in the far future, (while somehow speaking English and living in a country called, and is unusually like: America) this book is about the lives and religion of the Lenne Lenape: a nation of many small city states that were once in the area around New Jersy, the Hudson River Valley New York, Pennsylvania, and Northern Delaware. These were a people whose religion could be considered similar to that of the Friends (also known as Quakers, but Friends is a lot more politically correct/nicer sounding/nicer to be called)

And now for something completely different:

IT’S

The actual story: Ness’s Stupid Psychic Lenape Integration Problem

            “Oh Paula!”

            “Oh Ness!”

            “Oh Paula, I will never leave you again!”

            Okay, maybe I should explain the setting: two psychic kids are in PDA (very mild, nothing more than running to each other and embracing) in the local (and only) burger shop in the sleepy little town of Onett. The thing with those last few lines that Ness had said, and all the others he will say, is that he’s never actually said anything, because he’s actually mute, and was, and is gonna be, using ESP the entire book. In fact, Ness can use it so seamlessly that it needs no extra concentration, and no one really notices how nothing’s coming out of his closed mouth. But anyways, the PDA will soon go bad. . .

            “You didn’t leave me,” said Paula irately- oh yeah, and . . .now. “You got kidnaped, and you didn’t try to get away from the mad taxi driver, you even went along with his scheme to murder the entire Eagland teacher’s union, and with a street sign!?! Poor Jeff, he was so traumatized, and then there was that freak penguin accident.”

            “Wait a minute,” ESPed Ness, feeling a little brave, hoping that interrupting Paula’s tantrum wouldn’t be that much of a problem. “We never had to get anything repaired, so why would Jeff be here?”

            “I am not talking about our mechanic. Don’cha remember the teacher! Jeff, the one who comes in and teaches us about drugs and-and-and all of that stuff you’re mafia friend Frank is always dealing with. But I can’t believe you tried to shoot Jeff with a crazed street sign!

            “Well firstly, I never shot him with a crazed sign, signs are no-”

            “You have that telekinesis thing, if hitting him from a distance using a sign with O shaped eyes on either side of the word HI from a distance isn’t shooting him with a crazed sign, then I don’t know what to think. And if you have telekinesis and hypnosis and telepathy, how do you get tricked into getting kidnaped?!? And either way, shouldn’t I be the damsel in distress? I’m a girl.”

            “Well you can freeze someone to a still with the flick of a wrist, should it really be such a big deal if you have to free me? Well never mind, lets go to Summers and I’ll treat you to some Gelato du Summers, and a bowl of Kraken Fin Soup, how’s that sound?”

            “Okay, we’ll go. But how do they get so many fins off of that thing for all that soup?”

            “I think its fake, but it sure tastes good.”

            Now then, I would like you to guess how they will be getting to Summer’s. Think. . . Psychic kids. . . allow me to simply give you a moment to guess their method of travel, okay, I bet you’ve guessed what they do, but if you haven’t, here is how they try to get to summers: they try to teleport. So they go out onto the street. Then Ness begins the Concentration. And then he starts zooming off, everything stopping but him, and Paula trailing behind. The air wasn’t even whizzing past. Just an extremely loud whirring sound. And then there was the sound that could pretty much only be described as an explosion off in the distance in every direction. The next thing Ness heard was himself choking on something rounded, with a little stalk, and on the bottom of the rounded part, a bunch of little slits, with little seedy thing rooting out of the mushroom down Ness’s throat. It seemed that he had teleported himself into a mushroom.

            “Oh my goodness! Oh my gracious! Oh my me oh my!” said an extremely startled girl carrying some firewood. Well she never actually said those exact words: She was Lenape.

            Paula was even more startled: she remembered Summers to be a seaside resort, and she found herself hurled into the ground. Dirt ground. The only dirt in Summers is in planters holding palm trees, with a lining of concrete, on a cement sidewalk. She should have felt an edge. When Paula looked up, there was no palm tree, but instead she felt like she was in one of the forests near her house in Twoson: maple, oak, and pine trees.

            Paula saw the girl, stood up, did the cliched dusting herself off and saying pompously: hoh! Then she said in English: “Who the heck are you?” and at the exact same time, the girl was saying the same thing in her language.

            Then Paula realized what had happened: Ness had totally messed up the teleportation spell.

            “What’s your name and where are we?”

            The poor Lenape girl was rather confused. She was thinking something along the lines of: would I be able to conk her out, take those clothes, and then start manufacturing replicas? No one would ever listen to her if she asks for it back being that she can’t talk right. But just in case Paula could talk, she asked: “You can speak my language, right?” then she started acting really weird, pointing at all sorts of weird things, including herself and Paula as she said extremely: slowly “I - Lene - Lenape. You - weird - clothes - person. I - take - clothes - and - make - lots - of - money.” Paula had started mind reading when she realized that the girl was trying to get her to understand her.

            Then Paula decided to try to communicate with the girl. But she thought, what exactly was Lene Lenape? It was probably the name of the girl’s people.

            “Where am I?” ESPed Paula. Hopefully the Lenape girl would translate the mental message’s basic meaning.

            “I’m right here, Indahouse.” It seemed the girl, whose name had translated as Indahouse to Paula for a reason now unknown and was not cared about by Paula, had thought that the girl with the odd string mesh clothes standing in front of her had nothing to do with the voice inside her head.

            “Wait a minute!” Paula said to herself in English. “If Ness never creeps anyone with his ESP, why can’t I!”

            Paula then ESPed, while simultaniously pointing at all sorts of strange things, herself, and Indahouse, words being ESPed very slowly, sounded felt like this: “I - Paula - from - Twoson. Me - use - ESP - and - talk - to - you.”

            Indahouse was beggining to understand what was going on. The voice in her head must have come from this Paula girl.

            “You - come - with - me.” said Indahouse in that same strange way.

            When Indahouse had said that, Paula quite well knew that Indahouse was trying do something mean to her, but it wouldn’t be that big a deal. Paula would get out of anything these people could throw at her with intimidation alone. You expect lots of pain from some big buff guy, but a little girl who wears a little pink skirt blowing something up is quite scary. Otherwise, Paula would never wear a skirt around. However, Paula sensed that Indahouse would trade her hot leather dress for Paula’s pink cloth clothes.

            So Paula followed her. It felt they were walking for about a quarter of a mile, but then again, Paula was used to walking around, especially after the all that searching for that Ness who always is getting kidnaped.

            So anyways, there was Ness’s dilemma. Some kind of poisonous mushroom has found itself implanted in Ness’s throat, after the faulty teleport spell. The thing is though, Ness has no idea of the mushroom, and is blissfully being hunted by some nonexistent dude in a little dream he’s having.

            That dude, who had a brownish, but not all that dark, skin, was only wearing a pair of leather leggings with little fringes on the outer sides, a loincloth, and a pair of thin shoes that would be considered socks if it weren’t that they only covered the feet. He was busy asking Ness if he wanted to be shot with the tastefully carved arrow in the bow he was carrying. Ness couldn’t respond because he was a dear, but he was rather flattered to be the one that this hunter would kill. But Ness still knew that he would have to make it hard for the hunter to kill him to keep the course of nature going. So Ness ran off, hearing thoughts from the hunter dude of so many things to be done with his body after it stopped moving. That would help Ness with the little flash spell he would throw at the hunter to slow him down a little. In a few moments, the hunter dude was unable to see. But his sight came back in about a couple minutes, and by that time, Ness was far away.

            “I - come - from - Twoson. I - talking - into - your - brain.” ESPed Paula, this time pointing at slightly more relevant body parts like the brain, but even with the relevant pointing Indahouse just ignored the communication. They were coming up the hill into the town as Paula tried to ESP that line.

            When they got back, a man who’s shall not be described because he was the same man who was after Ness the deer, was carrying a dead deer around across the village, and as he went past, Indahouse said to Paula, but really meaning it for herself: “And that’s my male chauvinist husband walking past. The only work he lets me do is cook, clean, drink mountain dew.”

            Paula was reading her mind when Indahouse said that, and the translation was a bit off when Paula heard and mind read that whole mountain dew line.

            And now back to Ness. The poor deer was killed a little earlier when some mad scientist did nothing whatsoever to influence the situation, causing Ness to wonder why it was so easy to get away from the hunter, to the point at which the hunter, who’s name will never be announced, gave up, and Indahouse’s husband found Ness wondering, asked if he could kill - use Ness’s body for some usefull crafts, and shot him dead.

            After hearing of Indahouse’s husband, Paula asked his name in ESP, realizing that it would make life a lot more easy for the writer provided that his name is short enough. This time Indahouse was getting more used to the psychic messages from Paula, even though she didn’t know who it was from, and decided it would be best to answer the questions, even if she really wasn’t saying it to anyone in perticular. “My husband’s name is DJ.” Said Indahouse to who she hoped would seem like somone in particular.

            So Paula, even though she wasn’t to sure exactly who in particular the words were being said to, decided to telepathicly eavesdrop just in case Indahouse was saying something that was relavent to the question she asked Indahouse two paragraqhs ago.

            So they walked towards DJ, with Paula simply following, and Indahouse hoping to get Paula in a vulnerable position where she would be able to get the desired garments from the girl (Indahouse still did’t know what Paula’s name was.) They got to DJ who was still hauling the small deer who Ness had just stopped dreaming he was. . . oh yeah, Ness isn’t dead yet, only the deer.

            He’s actually still choking on the mushroom he had teleported into, which still was growing into his throat, but he doesn’t notice, because he’s in another dream. In it, Ness is completely alone in the vastness of a completely empty universe. Then he suddenly had a dream within his dream. It consisted of planets, and stars, and moons, and random nuclear explosions, which he decided were the stars being made and stuff, and nebulas and giant clouds of dust forming into all said oddities, which gave him a feeling of living on a giant chunk of rock flying around the force created by the shear massiveness of one of those suns. And then the dream within dream ended.

            So Ness realized that at the moment, the his psychic abilities weren’t being used for anything usefull, so he decided to make a replica of the dream. But to do it, he would need to give this vastness some polarity (for style really). So he then gave it a guardian for the poles. He put a grandfather in the North, who would have control of rock, one who will give winter time, and bodies, and in general, some kind of physical component just to keep Ness’s thoughts nice and stable and solid.

            Now back at the ranch. Oh yeah, I refuse to explain what ‘back at the ranch’ means, because if I do, I’ll sound like Lemony Snicket, and either way, it’s not like you’re incapable of deducing what it means from the context. But anyways . . .

            Paula wanted to convince Indahouse that she didn’t have a voice in her head asking her all sorts of weird questions, so Paula ESPed, with neither relevant or irrelevant pointing, and none of the intentionally bad grammar or strange slowness. Only accidently mildly bad grammar. “I’M PAULA AND I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE AND -- AND -- I’M NOT SOME FREAKIN’ VOICE IN YOUR HEAD THAT’S ASKING YOU ALL SORTS OF STRANGE QUESTIONS AND I DON’T CARE WHETHER OR NOT SCREAMING INTO YOUR MIND LIKE THIS IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR STUPID MINDS EAR DEAF! Oh, and I’m sorry about the bad grammar of the last sentence.”

            “Is that really true?” was how Indahouse’s words translated to Paula, “You can insert thoughts into my mind?”

            “Well, I have no other way to talk to you. I have no idea what even the name of your language.”

            “I’m not even that sure of that actually, but as I hope you’re able to deduce, I speak it fluently.”

            “Well yeah, but why are you saying deduce so pompously when you weren’t able to deduce, even after the first time that I ESPed it so clearly to you, that the voice was from ME.”

            “Well it seems kinda hard to believe, with the way that it doesn’t really sound like a voice, and how I don’t see your lips moving.” Said Indahouse as they passed a little domed hut with a bark roof. It was like the other smaller houses in the village “And for that matter, if you can do this, why don’t I fear you?”

            “How am I supposed to know?”

            “Well, it could be because you have that pink dress.”

            “I thought that would be intimidating.” ESPed Paula as they were crossing the center of the village, and on the way to the same domed hut that DJ just entered, presumably his and Indahouse’s. “Would you expect a girl in a little pink dress to blow something up with just the flick of a wrist?”

            “You can do that? And if so, try it on the house in front of us.”

            They were nearing the house that Paula just forgot had DJ -- who Indahouse apparently wants dead -- nearly in it. Paula was charging up for a fire spell, only just remembering how Indahouse’s husband, DJ, had just gone in da’ house. Somewhere, even in a different dimension, someone is doing the cute little drum thing used to punctuate corny punch lines. On second thought, that joke might be too corny . . . Either way, DJ would be in a lot of trouble if he found that the fire hit.

            In Ness’s dream though, he was also thinking about fire. He was creating a Grandmother Fire for the South, who would be the one to control the power fire. With her, spirit and growth would be given to Ness’s thoughts. Her job would be to create the stars, and their fire. She would give people spirit.

            So Paula let loose with the fire, and the house was lit. Indahouse was very pleased with what Paula did. “So when DJ dies, could you put the house out.” Paula would normally be able to do that, but she was now completely knocked out.

            At this point, Ness decided that the best thing to do would be to give the world some intermediate directions for some even greater style. So he created a guardian in the East and West. The grandfather in the East would be given the power of wind. He would be needed by Ness to give his thoughts a more livelier element He would give people knowledge, light, art, knew life, and the winds.

            Paula woke up to find that she was getting some extremely unnecessary oral resuscitation. It was being performed by DJ, and Paula could sense the guy really wanted to annoy his wife, because the oral resuscitation went on for a long time.

            However, Paula had fallen unconscious about 30 seconds after she had realized what was happening, and she then started having a dream of simply just thinking. And she was thinking about the fire she created. I had no idea that I could use real objects to fuel a fire spell. I thought you would need a living target. This is incredible. I will never have to worry about getting stuck behind a locked door again. Oh man, my higher order thinking isn’t working right, I’ve been having troubles with even getting a run on sentence. But anyways, why am I fainting. That DJ guy is pretty cute, but then again, he doesn’t know what its like to be psychic, and Indahouse said he’s a male chauvinist pig, whatever that means. But whatever it is though, it must be something pretty derogatory, especially with the whole pig thing. And what is it that causes me to end up with phrases that I don’t understand when I’m using ESP to hear the basic meanings of what’s being said, like ‘drink mountain dew’, and ‘male chauvinist pig’. I’m so confused. Well, at least I have been the first to use a fire spell on something physical. Even thought I’m the only human I know of who actually can use any kind of fire spell in the first place.

            Paula decided it would be best to try to make something usefull of her time to be with he mind. She started to ESP Ness. The message sounded something along the lines of: NESS YOU IDIOT YOU TOTALLY MESSED UP THE TELEPORTATION SPELL AND I WANT TO GET TO SUMMERS BECAUSE I’M IN SOME PLACE FULL OF REALLY WEIRD PARTLY NAKED DUDES WITH DOMED HUTS AND DARK SKIN AND EVERYONE IS REALLY CLOSE TO NATURE AND I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE SO YOU EITHER BETTER GET OVER HERE OR GIVE ME YOUR LOCATION OR ELSE I’M GONNA FIND IT MYSELF AND GO OVER AND KILL YOU!!!!!!!!

            Paula did have a bit of a trouble finding Ness in the waves of messages going everywhere in this dimension, because the thoughts Ness was thinking of were pretty similar to those of the storytellers in the village Paula was in.

            DJ will have given up with the oral resuscitation around {here}, and then did some stuff and left.

            Ness was currently making the western guardian. This Grandfather in the West would be given control over the power of water, giving Ness’a vision a softer side. The Grandfather in the West would be given the job of making the waters, our blood, death and new begginings, giving it all a softer, nicer, and easier side.

            That stuff that DJ did earlier included things like dragging Paula around. Paula was also extremely disappointed, because the house she was had fired at had taken no damage. All that fainting over nothing she thought. Paula really didn’t know where she really was, and she probably didn’t know what she was wearing either.

            Ness was currently having the guardians start to make life. They made all sorts of plants, and they made all sorts of animals, all using the powers Ness bestowed upon them. Ness decided to focus all his focus on the planet that in his dream, was identical to the one he was currently on in real life. It would be the best choice because he never made a planet quite like the one he lived on. So the planet he was on in real life and focusing his attention on in the dream, earth (he had to give it some association to with his own), the one that was actually the cause of so many of the random nuclear explosions in the vision within that dream.

            Here he decided to set up Grandmother Moon in the sky. Here though, the dream was beggining to get more dreamlike, skipping to the juicier bits, and so a little bit later, Grandmother Moon became lonely, and so Ness decided to give her a companion: Grandfather Thunder-- ejected from the dream to find that he was choking on a poisonous mushroom that was growing into his throat. He tried to use some kind of healing spell, but he immediately got a message from Paula: NESS YOU IDIOT YOU TOTALLY MESSED UP THE TELEPORTATION SPELL AND I WANT TO GET TO SUMMERS BECAUSE I’M IN SOME PLACE FULL OF REALLY WEIRD PARTLY NAKED DUDES WITH DOMED HUTS AND DARK SKIN AND EVERYONE IS REALLY CLOSE TO NATURE AND I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE SO YOU EITHER BETTER GET OVER HERE OR GIVE ME YOUR LOCATION OR ELSE I’M GONNA FIND IT MYSELF AND GO OVER AND KILL YOU!!!!!!!!

            Ness decided it would be better to choke on the mushroom than to get on Paula’s bad side. There was then a zillion beacons sent out. The spell he used to make the beacons would make them take a while to get anywhere, but that way Paula would probably be asleep by the time that it gets to her, making her a good deal more ready to receive it.

            By the time Ness was back in his dream though, Grandmother Moon had already concieved with Grandfather Thunder and so Ness decided to have them go down to earth and give the world the power of fertility.

            Ness had gone on to what Grandother Moon had given birth to: Man, and Woman, who would create a union of wholeness. She also gave them the power to dream, which Ness quite liked because it would allow him to give all sorts of messages to the people.

            However, Ness had his own evil side, and so with him came an evil spirit: Matanu. He would bring into the world evil and darkness. Wherever Ness tried to help the world, Matantu did something to ruin it.

            The thing was though, Paula wasn’t asleep by the time night came. She was actually learning about how the Lenape like to gamble, and it was pretty simple and fun. All Paula had to do was guess which side of the quasi sock/shoe -- which turned out to be called a moccasin -- would land up. The odd thing was that no one noticed that she was an outsider, and at this house, people were lending here nuts to bet.

            But exactly how did she get there? Well, she found that she was lying in the forest in the leather dress, and she didn’t mind in the least, got up decided that the house was burned down after all if she really wasn’t in the house but in edge of the forest just outside of town, walked around the village, and saw that the house was completely intact. It wouldn’t be that big a deal for Paula though because she immediately saw the house where everyone was having so much fun, and went over.

            Ness had put in a number of laws. Ones that would control the motion of the celestial bodies, the powers of fire, wind, water, and rock, the circle of life - birth - growth - and death, so there would be balance.

            To control the Earth’s waters, Ness got a giant toad, who he gave the authority and power to cause rain. However, an evil Manito came along and started to pick a fight with the Toad. This Manito was in the form of a horned serpent (a very classic evildoer). It wanted to control the water, and so they ended up in a massive battle, dishing out some extremely major damage to the earth. At one point the Toad tried to eat the Manito, but the snake monster had the chance there to gore its way out of the Water Bearer. The winds and waters all attacked the Manito, but . . . it was too strong. Ness decided to send the Father Thunder to attack the Manito. He shot it up, and quickly all the waters washed over the earth and things had to be reset.

            This house Paula was in was a good deal bigger house, with none of the weird domes. This house had rectangular sides and a curved roof. There were two curtains separating three rooms, but right now, they were rolled up, the people were playing, and Paula was thoroughly enjoying herself, while Indahouse was asleep, and DJ was leading a dance in another house nearby similar to the one Paula was in.

            Indahouse was feeling very happy. She had dreams about an extremely cute guy named Ness who wanted her to come to the shore for a date. It was actually Ness, Paula’s unusually young boyfriend who was cute in the way that a baby is. However, the slow moving beacons are quite open to any kind of interpretation. Indahouse knew it was kinda real though, so she got up, and started towards the canoes.

            Paula was going back home, or at least to the home of DJ and Indahouse, who she hoped to mooch off of and stay the night at, when she saw the boat go off. She suddenly figured out that it was a canoe, because I said so. Well, actually, there were a ton of thoughts that were coming in related to how long it would take to get to this cute guy named Ness by canoe over which routes. Paula decided to follow.

            Now then, in Ness dream, he eventually became this guy who would help with the rebuilding of earth, because he was a more interesting character at this point. As the floods came in to reset the earth after the battle about four paragraphs back, he tucked all of the more compact land animals in his shirt. Ness climbed up the tallest mountain. When he made it to the top, the waters kept coming, so he climbed a small cedar tree, and as he climbed, he plucked (after asking nicely) some of the branches from the tree. The waters still kept coming, so Ness sang to the tree and played a beat on a bowstring, causing the tree to grow. He eventually got tired of playing music for so long, so Ness threw the branches down so that they would become a raft . . . or should I say: ark. BUM BUM BUMMMMM.

            Now then, Paula didn’t actually know where she was going, and she knew that Indahouse did know where she was going, but she didn’t know how to get there, so the technique about following someone who really knows where they are canoeing shown in Zen and the Art of Canoeing wouldn’t help.

            Paula was following Indahouse from an ever increasing distance, because she had never canoed before, and she hadn’t yet tried traveling back in time and filing the request for Zen and the Art of Canoeing for her library so she would be prepared for this situation, and so she was trying to paddle with her hands, not thinking about the lovely paddle that was sitting in the basin of her canoe which she would be instructed to use in Zen and the Art of Canoeing. Paula knew why Indahouse was going at least, and Paula was following her to the destination she wanted to get to: Ness.

            The landscape was beautiful, and Paula was also getting distracted by it. She wouldn’t have been able to have seen it in the night if it weren’t for the massive red glow as she tried a fire spell on the water under her. It killed a lot of fish and that was a big blow to Ness, causing him to start fading fast. At least it made the water boil away, making a bit of a wave, and Paula started coming down towards Indahouse. It was easy for Paula because the water did have a mind, with our grandfather in the West controlling it.

            Paula kept on coming down towards Indahouse, and when she caught up, she used a light freeze spell to expand the water beneath her back to normal, and kept on going on her course, lazily being distracted by landscape, and forgetting to even paddle with her hands. All of the psychic powers Paula used were completely directed away from Indahouse, so she had know idea what Paula was doing, so she just kept a casual pace, not trying to outrun Paula.

            DJ had also seen Paula go after Indahouse. He got in a canoe and followed them a little while before Paula started making the waves, and because the contractions of the water were in front, he got the benefit as well. DJ had fallen in love with Paula so that he would be able to annoy the heck out of his wife, and so wherever his new love needed to go, he would be there.

            When DJ caught up to Paula, who was about to expand the water behind her with a freeze spell, heard DJ yelling to her from about 100m behind her, and nearing fast. She canceled the spell and turned around,

            “What are you doing here DJ! I hope you don’t plan any oral resuscitation.” ESPed Paula. “THIS ISN’T JUST A VOICE IN YOUR HEAD AND I DON’T CARE IF YELLING INTO YOUR HEAD IS GONNA MAKE YOU DEAF!!! WHAT I AM IS THE GIRL IN THE BOAT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!”

            “I understand, so exactly who are you, and why do you think me open mouth kissing you is gonna resuscitate you.” yelled DJ back. “I’m following you to so I can go wherever you want my sweet little angel! I also want to annoy my wife.”

            “Be my guest on the latter, but I just want to know where she’s going, so if you want you can come along.” ESPed Paula as she started to boil down the water with neither Indahouse nor DJ knowing. The wave was bigger this time, and by the time Paula started freezing back the water, she was in front of Indahouse.

            Paula ESPed pretty quietly over to Indahouse as her boat drew nearer to Paula’s “You’re going to Ness, right?”

            “How do you know?” said Indahouse “did you have the dream about him too?”

            “You found out about him in a dream? Well, I guess he doesn’t want to get on my less friendly side.”

            “You say that as if you know him.”

            “He’s my boyfriend.”

            “But in the dream, he had asked me on a date!”

            “Oh my god!” ESPed Paula, about to go into some kind of frenzy. “How could he do this to me! We had saved the world together - or at least together with Jeff the Junior mechanic and that karate kid named Poo - and now he ditches me!” Paula went into some fake sobbing, and Indahouse decided that she should avoid Paula’s really bad side, not because of the fire spells, but because Paula was capable of telepathically throwing her rants into people’s heads.

            “Don’t worry,” said Indahouse “I’ll help you get back at him”

            “But what will you do?”

            “I’ll show you to him so you can do whatever you like to him.”

            “Sounds good” ESPed Paula in a satisfied way, right before she started throwing some of the dust at the bottom of the canoe into her eyes so she could at least tear.

            And so they went off. Paula froze a ton of water behind them creating a massive wave. She kept using freeze spell after freeze spell until they were almost flying on top of the water at about 80 kilometers per hour. DJ was also being pushed further and further back. By the time the waves dissipated, DJ was extremely far back, but he kept on coming, trying to get to ‘his’ Paula.

            Ness was dying, but still alive enough to try some kind of healing spell to hold off the mushroom until someone tries to save him.

            When Paula reached where Indahouse said Ness would be. That place was a nice little grove of deciduous trees unusually close to the beach. There was a road that went through, that seemed almost artificial, because there was no foliage very close to it, and no trees hanging over it. Paula could sense Ness wasn’t too far off.

            Paula strolled happily along it, as Indahouse started strolling back when they were halfway to where Paula thought Ness was. Indahouse would have Paula stranded here while she gets to Ness at the beach.

            Indahouse went back to the canoes. She produce an axe from a place the world will never know of. It was an axe make from caved stone tied to a stick, but whatever it was, Indahouse used it to chop up Paula’s boat. Indahouse started canoeing away. When she saw DJ coming along she yelled over “Turn right at the next intersection!” And so DJ decided to obey and be on his way to Paula who he assumed was the one to the right at the next intersection on this river.

            When DJ made it to Paula, she conked him out with a little ice bolt, took his boat, and she went on her way to catch up with Indahouse, using the whole contraction of the water thing, causing Ness to get weaker and weaker, as more and more animals in the river who he created in an earlier part of his dream, died.

            DJ walked a few feat farther, and saw another glen pretty close to where the river expanded to the point at which it was about half a mile across, making the place look like a beach near the glen. There he saw some kid lying on the ground, nearly dead, and choking on a toxic mushroom that was growing into his throat. DJ could almost see the roots of the mushroom sticking out of the neck of that poor kid he saw lying on the ground.

            Paula had followed Indahouse, had gone past her after a few more rounds of boiling down the water, and started switching to expanding the water behind her and in front of Indahouse by freezing, it in order to push that darn Lenape girl back. When Paula had gotten to the beach near the glen, she saw Ness in his horrible condition with DJ standing over him. He was about to start panicking.

            “Okay,” said Paula as she rushed over to Ness and DJ “stand back, I’m gonna do a risky maneuver: I shall summon down lightning to strike out the mushroom!”

            “Well after seeing that display of fireworks around my house, which I’m sure were for me,” said DJ “I’m sure you can do the summon lightning part, but how will you hit only the mushroom?”

            “It won’t hurt him too badly, but I just want to annoy him. If I’m lucky though, it will get the mushroom out. This has happened to him a lot, and I see the doctor using zappy thingies to get it out.” Paula paused for a moment. “The doctor was doing it on a different bread of mushroom, and it tries to penetrated to the skull when it gets embedded, but I don’t think it’ll be too different.

            “Okay, but he’s your boyfriend, who I believe asked my wife out on a date in a dream.”

            Paula all of a sudden got extremely angry and let down the lightning. Well it wasn’t real lightning, otherwise it would be to hard to make and impossible to control. But Paula summoned whatever the quasi lightning was. It struck Ness, he suddenly bolted up, started having a ton of spasms, and finally started clawing at the mushroom in his throat.

            Paula saw the desired effect, walked up, shot the mushroom with an ice bolt, causing it to shrivel and die. Ness plucked the remains of it out, threw it away, and teleported out with Paula just as Indahouse came along to find “DJ’s” Paula and saw her dash past her with some chubby kid leading the way.

            Indahouse was also extremely surprised by how Ness didn’t at all look like he did in the when she came around and saw the end of the.

            It had turned out that Paula had massive amounts of trouble with the whole ESP thing, causing her to misinterpret the names ‘Leader of the Dance” as DJ (at least it was conveniently shorter for me), and ‘Inside of the Wigwam’ as Indahouse. After they teleported off, Ness was tripped by the same crazy street sign that he used to shoot Jeff the drug educator.

For way more information, got to: http://www.geocities.com/shabak_waxtju/index.html. I got a lot of stuff from there at that website, go to Lenape stories on the frame on the left, and then to Lenape creation epic, if you want to find out the real names, and the whole story after Ness ends up getting forced out of the dream. In addition, try the book: The Indians of New Jersey, Dickon Among the Lenape. The said recources are extremely good resources on this incredible groups and are even more usefull than this book for info, and are also very interesting.

Legal stuff. I’m not associated with whatever company made Earthbound (that doesn’t mean that I don’t endorse it though even though it is a word that has randomly popped into my head in a similar fashion to ‘freak penguin accident’), mountain dew (avoid it), The Indians of New Jersey: Dickon among the Lenape (you have to read it) or anything else mentioned that just happens to be copyrighted. If in some freak (or possibly penguinous) accident this accident is copyrighted, I am at least associated with myself. If you like this book, contact the author at a location that you should be able to easily find out, and if not, you are likely to not be cool enough to meet me.