And now, for something completely different. . .

B looked across the band. "We're missing people. . ." He said more to himself than anyone else. "Who're missin'?"

Upon closer inspection of the group of about a hundred and fifty, though, he already had a guess as to who was missing - Kent, Adam, and Kelly. Who else would just dissapear? Sure enough, the percussion section confirmed his guess.

"Casey, could you please conduct?" B asked, stepping off the podium. With a stride in his step, he jogged out of the main lodge and to the cabin that Adam, Kent, and Kelly were in. Suprisingly enough, the door had been kicked down. On the door was not one, but two foot marks. Whoever had kicked the door must have meant business. He looked inside and found that it was bare, except for the beds and the mattresses. No note, no signs of a struggle. . .

"This is confusing." B said. "Two and two aren't making four. . ."

"Say what now?"

B spun on his heel and brough himself face to face with a silver mask and a black visor. Suprised, he took a couple steps back. He shook his head and came to his senses.

"Alright, what did you do with them?" B asked.

He didn't see the creature smirk as much as he felt it smirk. "Oh, it's not what I did with them. . .it's what we're going to do to them. And you're going to help."

"Oh?" B asked, a sly smile crossing his face. "Well, shiny boy, you're gonna have to make me."
The creature scowled. "So be it. Psi starstorm alpha."

The sound around B could only be described as the sound a freight train makes when it's right on top of you. Luckily, the cabin was in the way of the six pointed stars ready to shred B to pieces. But the cabin was all but destroyed, leaving B with two options - fight and die, or don't fight and die.

As if there was a choice.

B didn't even take the time to take a stance; he just charged the odd creature. His hits were hard and furious, and - more importantly - left no room whatsoever for a counter-attack.

B's attack stopped when the creature planted a fist right into his sternum, knocking the breath out of him. Through the searing pain, B heard the creature walk through the rubble of the cabin to stand over him.

"That is why you don't trifle with the Starmen."

B coughed. "I'm going. . .to stop you. . ."

"Oh? You and what army?" The Starman laughed.

"This army."

The Starman looked up to see the whole of the Ferris band program staring him down, instruments - more importantly, blunt instruments - in hand.

"Good army, huh?" Casey asked, leading the group.

The Starman snarled. "Don't you worry. . .I'll be back."

In a brilliant flash, the Starman dissapeared.

B stood and looked at the band. "Get loading the percussion trailer. Casey, get the busses on the horn. I wanna get us outta here before these "Starmen" come back for more. We have exactly one hour. Get to it."

It was nearly twelve o'clock when Paula, Jeff, and Ness crawled out of bed. It was a half hour later when Kent, Adam, and Kelly joined them.

"'Mornin'." Ness snickered.

"Bite me." Kent snapped, rolling up his sleeves. It was already hot and Kent wasn't looking forward to stewing in his dress clothes. Why hadn't he thought of bringing anything cooler? "Alright. . .boys and girls, it's time to learn about basic fighting techniques. Kelly, you take Jeff, Adam. . .you take Paula, and I'll take Ness."

"Sounds like a plan." Adam said.

"By the way, Paula, can I borrow your pan?" Kent asked. She shrugged and handed Kent her pan, which he was greatful for.

At least she didn't bash him.

"Alright, Ness, let's have some fun." Kent said, leading him to a secluded part of the valley. He threw off his dress shirt, revealing the chain maille. With an exsasperated grunt, he shook it off his body and tossed it over with his shirt, leaving him with his white undershirt and pants. He kicked his sword up into his hands and swung the frying pan around a bit in his other hand. He nodded to himself and shoved the nose of his sword into the ground. He handed Ness the pan.

"Okay, I think I've got a battle plan for you. Hold the pan like this. . ." Kent took a dagger from his belt and held it in his off hand. With his right hand he picked up his sword. "And hold your sword like this." He took a loose comfortable stance with the dagger in front, the flat edge forward. With his sword, he held it in a fencing grip, pointed perfectly up and down.

Ness mirrored his stance.

"Okay, now step two. Bend your knees but don't lower yourself. Like this." Kent bent his knees and effectively put himself on his toes. "Keeping yourself on your toes gives you the agility advantage. If you stay flat footed, you've already lost. The advantage of speed is your best friend. And, finally, mix and match your powers and your melee. The ability to do that fluently will be your biggest asset. Now. . .defend yourself."

Kent took the stance he'd just taught Ness and immideately came down with a sideways swing. Ness took a step back and brought his bat up to block, immideately going flat footed. Kent stopped and sighed.

"This. . .this is gonna take some work."

Kent was about to fix Ness' stance again when Kelly walked into the secluded part of the Valley.

"Hey. . .uhh. . .you guys busy?" Kelly asked.

"Uhh. . .no. Why?" Kent asked.

Kelly whispered something into Kent's ear. Kent looked at Ness, then back at Kelly.

"You sure?" Kent asked.

"Yeah." Kelly replied.

Kent nodded. "Well, then. Uhh. . .here, let's spar."

Ness nodded and adopted his stance while Kent took his.

Kelly looked at the two men. "Ready. . .fight!"

Kent dashed towards Ness, his sword posed to strike.

Ness stepped out of the way and quickly reached into the recesses of his mind for any psi powers that might help.

And he found it. Shield.

"Psi shield!"

Kent slashed just as the yellow translucent shield surrounded Ness. The sword clashed against the shield, causing it to vibrate hard. Extrodanarily hard. Kent dropped the sword, simply out of force of habit. Realizing what he'd done, he quickly drew another dagger.

But he was far too slow. A psi hammer attack was already upon him before he had a chance to do much of anything. He quickly backsprung, only for a wave of psichic energy to toss him to the ground. A second wave smashed him even harder into the ground, and a third wave raked his body - and his shirt - full of rips and tears.

Ness stopped his attack and looked at Kent for a second. "You okay?"

Kent groaned. "Internal bleeding positive. . .most internal organs in place. . .spleen still unaccounted for. . .ouch. . ."

"In short, no." Kelly said.

"Oh, hell."

Ness walked over to Kent and put his hands on his back. "This may hurt a little."

A cold band of psichic energy circled Ness' arms. "Psi lifeup alpha."

The blue bands extended from Ness' arms to encircle Kent's body, patching up wounds, cleaning up blood, and even patching up his clothing. Kent rolled to his stomach and looked at Ness.

"Alright, then. I. . .I think you might just be able to pull this off as is." Quickly, Kent leapt to his feet and looked at Ness. "Alright, I did a little recon before hand. There's some sort of underground base behind the waterfall. From what I determined, the password is simple - don't move a muscle for three minutes. After that, make sure you've got a jar of fly honey handy and you should be home free."

"How. . .do you know this?" Ness asked.

"Kelly knows." Kent replied.

Ness cast an odd look Kelly's way. Kelly sighed and showed an impressive collection of briuses on his chest.

"Wow." Ness said. "We'll be careful."

"Yeah, you might wanna be." Kent replied.

"Yeah. Those slimy. . .little. . .piles can be nasty. And they shoot these orange creatures at you that sting. It's. . .ugh. It's nasty."

Ness cocked an eyebrow. "And who decided that Kelly would be going in?"

"Ten bucks and a free chance to drive my car." Kent said.

Kelly grinned.

Kent leaned into Ness' ear. "Little does he know, my car is a manual. He couldn't drive stick to save his life."

Ness looked at Kent, back at Kelly, then at Kent's smile, and broke down laughing, Kent joining soon afterwards. Sadly, Kelly wouldn't get the joke for a looooong time.

Kent looked at the group of three, now fully rested and ready to go. "Mmm-kay. Simple as this. Head north through Grapefriut falls. Infiltrate the base. Shut it down. That should clear out the zombie problem if I'm correct."

"How?" Jeff asked.

"Simple, really. Voodoo zombies."

"Oooohhhh. . ." Jeff said, as if all life's questions had just been answered.

"Anyway, judging from all the slimy little piles, as we'll call 'em, there's gotta be a central one. At that point, you may wanna uncap the fly honey and see what happens."

"And if it doesn't do anything?" Ness asked.

"You're resourceful kids. You'll think of something." Kent though that saying that would be nicer than telling them they were as good as dead.

". . .And after that?" Paula asked.

"Well. . .any of you know how to bodge explosives out of common household items?"

Jeff stepped forward. "I managed to make an explosive powerful enough to vaporize a square foot of titanium. Whatcha got?"

"Well. . ." Kent began. He, Kelly, and Adam conviened for a second. Kent turned around. "We've got a Double Gulp cup half full of mountain dew, some guitar strings, a couple picks, some electrical tape, duct tape, and funnoodle."

Jeff looked stunned. "I. . .I. . .I. . ."

"Is that a no?"

"I'm in hog heaven. . ." Jeff said. "I could make an explosive out of that so powerful, it'd blow Fourside apart."

Kent nodded. In a truly Star Trek IV fasion, he leaned forward. "Is that big?"

"Fourside is roughly the size of, oh. . .Twoson. Times a hundred." Ness said.

"Yeah, you'll be fine. So, that's the plan. Any questions?"

"Are you gonna be giving us any equipment?" Paula asked.

"Nooooooo. . ." Kent said. "Not a chance. Chain maille transfers movement, so it wouldn't pad the blow as much as make it bigger and tip you over, making you a wonderful target. You seem to work well with your weapons as is. The only thing we can give you is. . .err. . ."

Kent, Adam, and Kelly conviened once more. Kent turned around. "A buck eighty-five."

"Y'know, this isn't as good a gig as I thought it'd be." Ness said, walking along the Grapefriut River. "Somehow, I always thought my adventure would be a lot more noble, with swords, shields, orcs, y'know? Not galavanting across Threed with a baseball bat."

Paula simply continued to walk on, indifferent, while Jeff worked on concocting an explosive.

Ness sighed. "It's also nice to know we've got some great communication skills. . ."

"And. . .there we go." Jeff said. "Aah. . .it's beautiful."

Ness looked at what Jeff held. "It's. . .a. . .modified double gulp cup."

Which was true. Basicially, the strings had been forced through the sides of the cup, going from the top half to the bottom half. "So. . .uhh. . .how's it work?"

"Simple, really. The strings are basicially the catalyst. I seperated the top and bottom halves with the tape, filled the top half with funnoodle and the guitar picks. On the top half, I have the mountain dew combined with a little secret concoction. So, I pull the strings, the tape pulls back, the mixture comes together, hopefully reacts with the adhesive on the tape - which I rapped the noodle in - and we have a big explosion."

Ness chuckled. "You are unbelievable."

"Oh, it's nothing. If you wanna see unbelievable, watch Tony and I paintball."

"I'll keep that in mind. . ." Ness said.

They walked in silence a little farther, until Ness finally spoke. "Behold, Grapefriut Falls." Sure enough, the falls were a mere fifty yards from where they stood. Guarding the entrance were three farm zombies.

"Well, then. Shall we?" Jeff asked, pulling his magnum air gun.

"Why not." Ness replied, pulling his bat. Before either had a chance to do anything, however, the zombies were plowed through by a wave of flames, followed then by immense blasts of cold, decimating the zombies.

"Aah. Nothing like a good fight." Ness said. "Thanks, Paula."

She grumbled a reply as she dusted ashes off her clothes.

"Jeez. It's one thing after another. First, Colin dissapears, then Paula goes PMS. . ."

"Just go with it." Jeff said. "Let's check behind the waterfall and see what we have to deal with."

Jeff poked his head behind the waterfall to see a simple metal door with a simple motion detector to its left. "Aah. . .a motion detector. This shouldn't be a problem. . ."

Jeff stepped away from the waterfall and dug around in his pack. He pulled a length of PVC, some weights, and a ball. He put them together using spare electrical tape in the general shape of a human, stepped behind the waterfall, and set the figure in front of the door. He set his watch for three minutes, and stepped outside of the waterfall. "There, simple as. . ."

Jeff saw the scene unfolding before him. Ness and Paula were swamped with zombies, and it wouldn't take long for them to be totally outnumbered. He pulled the magnum air gun and started firing rounds into the mass of zombie, Ness, and Paula, blowing through zombies left and right.

Ness stepped back and let loose with psi hammer beta, smashing through several zombies, and wounding several more. But there were still more coming. Paula brought forth her psi thunder and managed to take down a few of the moaning menaces, but there were just too many.

From his pack, Jeff pulled a large bottle rocket he'd modified himself to act like a missile of sorts. He took his ever ready lighter and put it to the fuse. As the fuse burned down, he put the stick into the barrel of his gun and pointed it into the fray.

With a sound that resembled that of a car's brakes about to give out, the bottle rocket thrust itself through a zombie's head and into another's, where it detonated.

Yet, still more came.

Jeff fired wildly into the fray until his gun finally ran out of ammo. Frustrated, he put it into its holster and looked through his pack for another bottle rocket.

Ness, feeling his psychic powers diminishing, pulled his bat from his pack and brandished it. With little regard, he began swinging like mad at the zombies. Luckily, they were being kept a fair distance away simply because he was hitting them enough to keep them away.

Ness grunted. He couldn't keep this up forever. . .

He looked to his left and noticed Paula about to get swamped. Throwing caution to the wind, he dove at Paula, thrusting her out of the battle. The entire group of zombies seemed to converge around him.

This wasn't good. At all.

He held his bat in it's home position and moved his eyes to the left, then to the right, eyeing the opposition.

A wry smile found its way to his lips.

He dropped his bat and concentrated all the psychic energy he could into his hands and arms. Hopefully, he'd studied Colin's technique well enough. . .

As the zombies converged on him at almost point blank, he let the psychic energy go, blowing the zombies in front of him and to his sides apart, leaving him an acceptable point of exit. He dashed out and turned around, letting loose with a final wave of psychic energy.

Jeff grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him behind the waterfall and into the now open door with general disregard to the dummy that had been set up. The door slammed closed behind them, effectively keeping them away from the zombies.

"Freakin' zombies. . ." Paula mused, looking at her dress, which was now a mass of tears and rips. Now I need to go home and get some more clothes. . ."

Ness blocked out Paula's ranting and turned towards Jeff. "So. . .do we have a psi carmel handy?"

Jeff dug around in his pack and pulled one out. "Last one. Use it well."

Ness buried the carmel in his pocket and stood up. "I left my bat outside. . ."

Jeff handed Ness his bat. "I snagged it when I grabbed you. Now c'mon. . .we've got a mission to accomplish."