The Candle: Stories of Confession
Part Two: Everything and Nothing
By Giampi
The candle came to rest on the lap of a foreigner…the only one in the entire room.
He plucked the object delicately from the folds of white fabric that made up his garment and looked around nervously. He was definitely not prepared for this. His hands gripped the wax stick and he began to eye everyone in a confused manner. “I…I am not sure that I can do this…” he whispered quietly. “Perhaps someone else should go first.” He tried to mask his accent as much as possible with no success.
One of the people in the crowd, a girl, raised her hand as if to call his attention. “It’s either now or never. Might as well get it over with.” She stated blankly, then paused for a second and hastily added a, “Your Highness.”
A sigh escaped his lips and his eyes lowered to stare at the candle. As much as he would like to deny it, everyone in that room knew that he was the famous Prince Poo of Dalaam, heir to the throne and one of the Chosen Four. That made him feel even more uneasy than before, and his grip on the candle tightened.
Silently the Prince held up the candle and closed his eyes as if in concentration. His breathing slowed and his chest began heaving. What he was about to say was going to take a lot of courage.
“What I say…will not leave this room, yes?” he asked. Several faces in the crowd gave affirmative nods, encouraging him to get this over with.
Poo sighed. He tapped into his mind and pulled out his famous mantra, whispering it to himself. “The power of Mu fills me…the power of Mu…”
After a few
seconds of this he stopped and looked up to the other people in the room. His eyes were distant, and it was obvious
that he was recalling a memory of long ago.
“The power of Mu fills me…”
“How many times have I repeated that phrase to myself, over and over again, during my travels?
“How many times did I stand before creatures of impossible strength, and then shrugged it off because of that Mantra?
“It is…very hard to say. It has been a long time since I have heard myself say that. And I do not want to hear myself say it again. It is something that reminds me of many things…many painful memories that I wish never to remember again.
“The Starmaster told me that nothingness is everywhere, that it is a part of everything. Based on that theory, it can be concluded that to become nothing is to become everything, to fade into nothingness is to transcend…to become one with everything, because everything is nothing…
“It is truly amazing, to feel the power of Mu…once your mind is clear of everything, every stray thought, you can feel Mu’s power course through your veins, through your mind.
“I have always wondered what my friends thought of me when I employed my powers. I would relax, take a deep breath, and then metamorphose into a monster, acting on pure instinct, leaving nothing of the person who was there before.
“For you see, one who wields the power of Mu loses all feeling, all emotion. That person can no longer feel pain or remorse, and he loses all fear. And who does not fear is not afraid to kill. One who does not feel remorse is immune to the guilt caused by death…
“The true master of Mu does not let himself be taken over by it. Instead, he allows himself to become it; he shapes it to his own will. Nothingness is a powerful force that knows no good or evil, it merely exists. Only someone with an incredibly strong will can prevail over Mu. Mu asks for respect and strength.
“I once thought I was as strong as that. When I was younger I was convinced that I could toy with Mu, manipulate it. Instead it manipulated me…and I almost destroyed someone very dear to me in the process. Ever since then I have been wary of Mu, almost afraid of it.
“It is…very hard for me to describe my thoughts at that time, as it was a few years ago. I remember it all very clearly, but it is still difficult to imagine what was going through my mind—or rather, what failed to go through my mind—at the time. I will do my best…”
*****
Poo calmly gripped the handle of his wooden training sword and set himself into a relaxed, yet attentive, position. The tip of the sword was at his chest level, and the handle was close to his face. This was a basic defensive stance that most swordsmen practiced in order to learn the fundamentals of swordsmanship. He had done it countless times before.
The air around the makeshift blade whizzed and whined as he slashed sideways, silently and unconsciously checking his position to ensure that it was the correct one, while still keeping alert. After a short pause he turned the sword and slashed in the opposite direction, shifting his weight onto his forward foot and letting out an audible grunt as he did so. A tussle of wind flipped his ponytail about and distracted him ever so slightly from his training atop the grassy knoll that he called his training area. With a swift vertical slash he brought the sword behind him, then dashed forward and stuck his weapon out in a stabbing motion.
He whirled to his left and moved the sword in a circle, then lifted up one foot and placed it on top of his other knee. His left hand was extended with his palm facing outward, and the sword was held above him, blade pointing downwards. He let out a sigh.
“You are making progress, Your Highness.”
The voice from behind made Poo lose his concentration and stumble backwards, causing him to stick out his foot to support himself and trip in the process. He had to flail his arms about comically to regain his balance, which he did with great difficulty. He turned and faced the speaker, a look of annoyance on his face. “I was not finished.” He stated crossly, the wooden blade dangling by his side lazily.
The old man standing a few feet away from him smiled and shook his head, clearly very amused by the young prince’s attitude. “It does not matter. You still place too much of your attention on your own movements, when they should be executed naturally. Think of that the next time you practice that routine.”
Poo bowed his head in reverence and closed his eyes. “Yes, Starmaster.” He said politely. “I shall do my best.”
It was hard to believe that the old man standing there with the prince’s tutor and martial arts teacher. He wore nothing but a haggard rag of a robe, and he hunched terribly while he walked. Liver spots covered his bony hands, and an old piece of wood was the only thing he carried with him, using it as a cane.
Starmaster hobbled over to Poo’s side and placed a stick-like hand on the latter’s shoulder, beckoning him to take a seat beside him on the grass. When both were seated, the old man set down his cane and took one hand into the other while sitting cross-legged. This was the pose he assumed whenever he lectured his disciples.
“Prince Poo,” his voice became a barely-audible whisper that seemed to flow with the many eddies of wind swirling about and around him. “It is nearly time for you to seriously begin studying the ways of the warrior…the ways of Mu.”
Poo, who was sitting in front of his teacher, didn’t hide his excitement, although he did mask it very well with a shroud of indifference. “You believe I am finally ready?” he asked respectfully. “I once heard you say that Mu was far too advanced for me…”
“Times have changed.” Starmaster’s stern but kind reply was accentuated by a wisp of wind blowing on his robe and swirling it about majestically. He raised his head and breathed a deep sigh, making his back straiten and giving him an air of someone larger than life. “You must learn to harness the power of nothingness while you are still able to. You will begin training tomorrow…along with Nasa.”
The conversation between master and student was interrupted as a third figure came running up to them clumsily. He was a boy of about Poo’s age, with bronzed skin and sparkling white teeth. He carried a wooden sword similar to the prince’s in his left hand. He wore very shoddy clothing, indicating the state of poverty that he lived in. The young man skidded to a halt in front of the two, tossing his ponytail about playfully. Once he was before the two he bowed quickly and donned a nervous smile.
“I…I’m sorry I’m late…” he apologized while plopping down on the grass beside, not in front of, his master. “I was busy.”
Starmaster shook his head. “It is not important, Nasa.” He reassured the young man. “I was merely telling Poo of how we would begin our Mu training tomorrow.”
Nasa’s eyes widened with happiness and he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Really? That’s great!” He crawled over to Poo’s side and pinched his arm excitedly. “I can’t wait, can you?”
*****
Poo cringed and gritted his teeth at the memories that rushed up to him when he mentioned Nasa. His knuckles were white, and a pale wave of white seemed to wash over his face, draining all life from him. He almost seemed hesitant to continue. But continue he did.
“Nasa was…Starmaster’s other pupil at the time. He was always late to our training sessions, he never paid attention to his lessons…yet, somehow, he always managed to best me at everything I did. No one disapproved of him, and every mistake he made would always be fixed by divine intervention. He could…‘do no wrong’, as they say in English. I was always jealous of him…and not just for those reasons…”
*****
“Come on, Poo, let’s spar!” Nasa leaped up and drew his practice blade, holding it in position. He was clearly anxious to get started on Mu training before hand.
Poo rose grudgingly and gripped his sword, shooting Starmaster a look. The old man shook his head. ‘Leave him be.’ He seemed to be saying. ‘Let him have his fun.’
Of course, everyone always let Nasa have his fun. While Poo trained every day, Nasa would play around, and no one seemed to mind. What was worse, Nasa didn’t even appear to be aware of Poo’s grudge against him.
The skirmish went by very quickly. Poo, carried away by his thoughts and his rage, fell prey to Nasa’s calm advances and left the training area that day with a new set of bruises adorning his arms and legs. Nasa, of course, didn’t seem to care.
The next day Poo left the royal palace and headed to the training area earlier than he usually did, hoping to get started early. It was on his way there that he ran into Xiao.
Xiao was one of the many commoners of Dalaam, and a mutual friend of both Nasa and Poo. She, like many of the female inhabitants of the far-eastern country, was very fond of both boys.
When Poo ran into her she was wearing a red garment made out of plain cloth, with a wooden pin through her bundled-up hair and a necklace dangling from her neck. She was carrying a sack full of foodstuffs for her family. The morning sun glinted off her dark eyes and accentuated her features, bringing out the radiance she was known so well for. When she caught sight of Poo she hurried over to him and bowed. “Good morning, Prince Poo!” she exclaimed energetically. “Are you going to train today?”
The prince nodded and brandished his sword for effect. He was intent on impressing her. “We will begin our Mu training today.”
Xiao’s face lit up even more than normal. “Really? Mu training?” she nearly dropped her groceries. “Will Nasa train with you?”
Poo tried to hide his disgust, simply nodding and averting his gaze. Xiao giggled. “That’s wonderful! I’ll try and visit you this afternoon!” She grabbed her groceries again and was quickly off, leaving Poo to smile wantonly and fantasize.
Nasa, not surprisingly, was late. The excuse this time was that his mother forgot to wake him. Starmaster did not reprimand him, further fueling Poo’s jealous anger. To think that something as important as Mu training was about to commence…and then to think that he was late…
“Mu is nothing. Nothing is everything. Hence, everything is Mu. That is the first thing you must learn.” Starmaster sat in front of his pupils and began dictating his lesson. “When one attains Mu, one attains omnipotence.”
Poo hunched forward and looked from Starmaster to Nasa, curiously. “Does that mean that…attaining Mu is…attaining godliness?” his eyes narrowed. Nasa sighed and pinched him in the arm. “Don’t be silly.” He chastised. “You’d need to get rid of your own body to attain nothingness…and without your body, you don’t exist! We learned that a long time ago!” he turned to Starmaster and flashed a grin. “Right, Starmaster?”
“That is correct. Try not to get ahead of yourself, Poo.” Starmaster confirmed Nasa’s statement. “Humans are permitted to learn Mu because they will never escape the confines of the flesh, and will thus never truly become nothing.” He grabbed his cane and leaned heavily on it, using it to prop himself on his feet. After that he brushed his bony hand over his clothing and ordered for his pupils to act accordingly. “Very well…let us begin. Mu is learned quickly at first, but true mastery takes time.” With that last statement the training began.
The two youths spent the entire day meditating, tapping into their subconscious in order to harness their own latent powers. Starmaster was right; in just one day both Poo and Nasa made enormous progress, learning small tricks. This was piddle compared to the skills they would learn in the future, but the small feats they were accomplishing were something to take pride in.
Poo sat cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed and breathing slowed. Propped up before him was his own wooden sword, stuck into the ground a few meters away from him. His objective was to knock the sword down without touching it. It was getting hard to concentrate, what with the evening sun beating down on his face at an obtuse angle and exhaustion wearily taking over him. Nasa was to his left, trying to knock his own sword down, although he showed considerably less exhaustion than Poo did.
Unconsciously, Poo stuck his hand out, relaxing his breathing and instinctively channeling his strength to his hand. With a muted grunt he pushed with his mind, reaching out with his newfound powers and slowly but effectively toppling the sword over.
The thud produced by such an action ripped Poo from his state of concentration and made his eyes snap open, letting the sunlight hit his eyes painfully. After his eyes adjusted he looked over to his weapon and noted that it was indeed lying on the ground. A look of utter elation crept over his face, pride washing over him as he contemplated his accomplishment.
“Prince Poo!”
Poo’s ponytail snapped to the side as his head whirled and he caught sight of Xiao, who was running up to him, her body a dim silhouette as the sun shone on her back. “Prince Poo!” she called out once again, bowing clumsily before him. Poo smiled. Here was an opportunity to grab Xiao’s attention at least once before Nasa did. He pointed to his sword and beamed regally. “I…have successfully accomplished part of my Mu training.” He then waited for the appropriate reaction of joy from Xiao.
No such reaction came, for at that moment Nasa’s voice rang out clearly, catching everyone’s attention. “Hey, look Starmaster! I did it! I knocked it down!” Fortunately for Poo, the dimming light obscured his snarl from view.
Xiao discontinued her conversation and traipsed over to Nasa, her hands clasped together behind her. Starmaster was there as well, congratulating Nasa along with Xiao. Nasa was his usual energetic self and drank the compliments in, leaving Poo to stare from the sideline. The prince bowed his head. “I am glad you approve, Xiao, Starmaster…” he whispered to himself.
*****
Poo held the candle sideways and let the drops of hot wax splatter on the floor, leaving little mounds of white at his feet. The others in the room were staring at him, dumbfounded. Poo could hear little pools of gossip around him, but he didn’t bother to pay attention to them. Instead he kept on talking.
“As the weeks passed, we improved our skills. We trained very hard. But Nasa got all the attention. At times I had to miss practice in order to attend royal matters. Starmaster would reprimand me harshly for it. Nasa…” the prince’s eyes became mere slits. “He never once arrived on time. Yet he was praised for accomplishing the same things I did, while I was ignored.”
The same girl from before raise her hand again, causing Poo to look over to her. “So what happened?” she asked impatiently. Poo raised his head and looked to the ceiling, as if trying to find the courage to continue from some unknown force above.
“The final test of Mu,” he began, “is conducted atop the Mu training ground, the highest point in Dalaam. Only those who have mastered their own impulses can attempt the test, and only after completing does one truly attain the title of Master.
“I tried to convince myself that I was trying to be a strong prince…that I was acting with the well-being of Dalaam in mind. But deep down I knew the reason…I wanted to best Nasa…to win the attention of Xiao and the Starmaster…”
The girl’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t…” she pleaded.
“I did.” Poo quipped in response.
*****
It was
He adopted his usual meditative pose atop the small crag overlooking a large cliff. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and steeled himself. That was the last thought that ran through his mind.
A disembodied groaning reached Poo’s ears, a deep rumble that coursed up his spine and through his arms. He nearly opened his eyes to search for whatever was causing that noise, but the urge to do so was stifled in time. Poo could feel himself probing the area with his mind; he could feel his presence go from left to right although he wasn’t actually moving. It was like his mind was separated from his body.
Very slowly a face materialized in Poo’s mind. Poo tried to move, but found that he could not; something was holding him, paralyzing him. Although he wasn’t able to form the words in his mind, he came to the conclusion that something was wrong. Yet he didn’t feel afraid. At any other time he could have felt confused because of this fact…but he didn’t. He had lost all feeling.
He became aware of the fact that his mind was being suppressed, trapped by the nothingness. He wanted to stop it, but he couldn’t overtake this mysterious force. He could not react. He lost all notion of time…
It was dawn by the time it was over. Poo was still in the same position as before, eyes closed, breathing slowed. But when he stood his eyes were different. The spark of youth was gone, replaced by an icy glare. Any trace of the prince had disappeared.
As he walked from the cliff back to Dalaam Poo began examining the lack of emotion he was currently experimenting. It was odd, not to feel, not to care. It was very illogical of him to have been so angry before, when the solution to his problem was so easy to carry out…
“Prince Poo! Please wait for me!”
That voice…Xiao. She was coming to him from behind. He did not turn, however. She was unimportant now, and he had other things to do. He let Xiao catch up to him, who was looking as radiant as ever. This time that beauty did not move him.
“It’s strange…I always see you walking in the opposite direction at this time…where have you been?” Xiao’s energy seemed to bounce off the prince, who stared through her at the horizon. “I was taking care of something.” He proclaimed. Xiao lifted an eyebrow. “Are you…going to train with Nasa today?” she asked, hoping to draw some type of conversation from him.
Poo’s expression did not change. “That is no longer necessary.” He said. “Now move; I have something to do.” With that he shoved Xiao aside and kept walking. He could hear Xiao grunt as her delicate body hit the ground, but he didn’t care. He could also hear her struggle to her feet and call out to him, asking him what was wrong…
After walking at a quick clip for a few minutes the prince arrived at his destination: a small house on the outskirts of the village. It was in a deplorable state, and it was almost falling apart. There were a few farm animals roaming just outside, grazing peacefully and pecking about absently. As Poo looked onto it from afar he saw a young man, Nasa, step out of the house, leaving it deserted. This was perfect…his family was away. It was easier this way.
Poo marched menacingly towards Nasa, his hand reaching over to his side and gripping the wooden sword sheathed there. When Nasa caught sight of him he waved and began chattering cheerfully, but Poo didn’t pay attention to him. Nothing was going to deter him…
“Hey, Poo! What brings you over—ack!” Nasa’s speech was cut off abruptly as Poo’s weapon came down hard, causing him to stick out his left arm in self-defense and take the blow with this forearm. A sickening crack accompanied this motion and knocked Nasa back. “Poo, what are you doing?!” Nasa cried out in pain. Poo did not answer and instead brought up his sword, ready for another strike.
Nasa drew his sword with his right hand and successfully parried the blow, although he did so clumsily and was forced to the ground, onto his back. “What is wrong with you?!” Nasa pleaded while he clutched his arm and pushed himself back with his feet. “Why are you attacking me?!”
Considering that he had lost his sense of humor, it was unusual for Poo to let out a chuckle right then and there. He lowered his sword halfway and pointed the tip at Nasa, who stared up at him in panic. Poo’s eyes cut through Nasa like daggers. “You are an obstacle.” Poo began musing calmly. “You have robbed me of what is mine. You have upstaged me.”
Nasa began to breath quickly and shake his head in denial. “What are you talking about?” he pleaded. “I’ve never done anything to you! And why would I even try to upstage the prince?” His voice was breaking and he began to tremble as Poo advanced on him. In a futile attempt at defending himself, he kicked upwards with his foot and rammed his heel into Poo’s stomach. The prince doubled over and lowered his head, but only for a second as he was back up within a second, not showing the slightest trace of pain.
Poo held out his hand and pushed with his mind, crashing Nasa into the outer wall of his own house and flailing him about. “Do not resist me, or your death will be more painful…” Poo threatened. Nasa managed to look up and stare at the prince imploringly. His sword was broken and his left arm was bleeding profusely. “Poo…what did I ever do to you…”
Poo wasted no time with niceties. “You were never serious. You were always slacking off. Yet they still preferred you to me. Xiao and the Starmaster…” Nasa managed to shake his head and take upon his face an expression of panic. “What are you talking about?” he cried. “They never favored me over you…you’re the prince of Dalaam! Even if they did pay more attention to me, how could they neglect the prince?!” a lone tear of pain trickled down his cheek and landed on his arm, mixing with the blood. The prince did not answer and instead started advancing on Nasa menacingly, blasting pieces of debris out of his way and shoving animals aside. When he was two meters away from Nasa he raised the wooden sword and prepared to strike. Nasa was hyperventilating. “What…are you going to do to me?”
“I will end you…and then everyone will be forced to look to me.”
Despite his mad panic and the gripping fear that held him, Nasa managed to scoff and stare defiantly at Poo, his eyes round. “And then what?” he questioned. “Do you think Starmaster will forgive you for killing me? How about Xiao? Killing me won’t erase me from their minds!” He felt his bravery mounting and tried to show some dignity, but this did not change the impassive look on Poo’s face. For his words he was knocked to the side by Poo, who used his new powers to throw him aside. Nasa was now lying on his back, dazed and too weak to move. Poo raised his sword once more, prepared to deal the finishing blow…
But he found that he could not move his own sword, for someone was clinging on to it from behind in an attempt to stop the assault. It was Xiao, who was looking at Poo with watery eyes and drowning in her own tears. “Don’t do it, Prince Poo…” she hiccupped. “Spare him, please…” she was trying to hug the sword, to keep it as far away from Nasa as possible. Poo, who was still holding the weapon up, turned and fixed his icy gaze onto Xiao. “Let go of the sword.” He commanded.
Xiao remained impassive, her eyes begging Poo to stop…and for that she was pushed aside by some unknown force, sent sprawling to the ground. As soon as she hit the ground she sprang up and crawled over to Nasa, placing herself on top of him as if to become a human shield. “Please stop…”
Once again Poo was interrupted as the haggard figure of the Starmaster quickly limped over to Poo and reached out with a skeletal hand. “Your Highness, this is quite enough.” Starmaster approached Poo and place his cane as a barrier between Poo and his near-victims. “Stop this at once, before you do something you might regret.”
Once more, Poo managed to laugh even though all logic dictated that he would not be able to do so. “Get out of my way…it is better like this.” He proclaimed magnanimously. “Nothing can stop me…I have the power to eliminate everything.”
Starmaster’s face wrinkled and his head craned to the side, confused anguish present in his features. “Oh no, Poo, you didn’t…” he seemed to be on the verge of tears. “You went to the Mu training ground…”
Poo shifted his gaze from the old man to his target and raised his sword again. “This is the only solution.” He said. With that he stepped forward, bypassed the Starmaster, and brought his sword down hard. Xiao screamed, Nasa gasped, Starmaster dashed forth.
With a solid-sounding clack Starmaster’s cane met Poo’s sword mere centimeters away from Xiao’s back, who was laying face-down on top of Nasa. Employing speed that belied his old age, the Starmaster reached out with his hand and gripped Poo’s head. Immense psychic forces rushed forth and connected the two. Starmaster was yelling in a monotone voice while Poo dropped his sword and made a desperate attempt to clutch his head. The throbbing pain seemed to freeze his body up and invade every last neuron, rip apart every sinew and destroy his very core. A high-pitched scream escaped his lips and he tumbled to the floor, acting as if he was just hit by a tidal wave.
The old man reached to Xiao and helped her to her feet, then took Nasa and draped his good arm over his shoulder for support. Together the three looked at the fallen prince with a mixed sensation of fear, pity, and awe.
A second scream was heard as Poo’s body began to convulse and his eyes grew to the size of saucers. He managed to crawl onto his hands and knees while a cold sweat drenched him and a fierce trembling overtook him. The guilt, pain, and anguish of everything that had just transpired were smothering him like some sort of torturous blanket that asphyxiated him. Muffled sobs soon replaced the screams as Poo wept. “What have I done?” he began repeating to himself over and over while he struggled to his feet. He managed to limp over to the Starmaster and take Nasa in his arms, who was now barely conscious. “Nasa…Nasa!!” He called out to the boy in vain as Starmaster and Xiao looked on.
*****
“That is the end…” the prince held the candle upright and stared intensely at the black center of the flame, still lost in his own thoughts. “I never saw either of them again. Starmaster was compassionate enough to forgive me, and trained me twice as hard from then on. No one ever found out about the incident…”
The same girl, the one from before, raised her hand and spoke. “So that’s it? You were forgiven and…that’s it?” she sounded almost disappointed, although the concern in her voice was clear enough. Poo nodded. “I think Starmaster understood what I was experiencing. It was the nothingness that nearly killed Nasa and Xiao…”
The girl piped up again. “So what happened to them? Are they all right?”
Poo lowered his head. “I…don’t know what happened to Xiao after that. As for Nasa…” He squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to hold back tears. “…he was never able to use his arm properly again. He had to quit Mu training. I heard once that he had left Dalaam to study in a far away country…neither of them will ever forgive me.”
“And just how do you know that if you haven’t talked to them?” For the first time someone besides the girl spoke. It was a boy sitting to his left. “Maybe they understand what you were going through.”
Poo shook his head. “Nasa and Xiao were the only people who ever liked me as a person. I have made many friends…but they are with me only because I am a prince. Nasa and Xiao…were my first real friends.”
“And if they mean that much to you, then you should try to make amends.” The boy and the girl spoke at the same time, as if they were on the same wavelength. Poo looked up from the candle and looked at them both. “Do you…think so?” he queried nervously. They both nodded in response, as if to say, ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’.
The prince swiftly blew out the candle and stood, leaving the artifact on his seat. “I…must go.” He excused himself, replacing his melancholic tone with a determined, magnanimous one. “There is something I must do.” Everyone in the room knew what that was, and they didn’t look like they were going to stop him. Poo raced to the door, opened it, and left. While he did so he began repeating something in his head. It wasn’t his usual mantra, as he had all but forgotten the ways of Mu for the moment. Instead he was calling to mind an ancient proverb, passed down from generation to generation:
‘The longer the night lasts, the more dreams we will have.’
*****
“Good afternoon…is this the residence of Lang Xiao?”
Prince Poo stood rigidly, waiting for a response from the old man standing before him, in front of Xiao’s home. It was a typical Dalaamese residence—humble, yet elegant. A bronze elephant statue was posed outside the door, auguring good fortune. Xiao’s father had always been a merchant, and they were sufficiently well off by now to be considered something more than the typical Dalaamese family.
The old man looked impassively at Poo, either ignoring his identity or refusing to recognize it. When he spoke he did so in a deep, gravely voice typical of someone who smokes. “Who asks for her, young man?” The old man took a step forward. “Who are you?”
Poo bowed respectfully. He spoke with his eyes staring at the ground. “I am…someone who used to be a friend of hers…a long time ago.” He decided that he wouldn’t use his royal lineage to earn himself entry; it was either this or nothing at all. He remained in that position, waiting for a response from the man. He could hear him wheeze for a moment as he examined the prince from head to toe. “You…wouldn’t happen to be that young man…the one who lost the use of his arm?”
Incredible…even now the memory of Nasa refused to escape him. Poo incorporated himself and shook his head. “No…I am…another old friend of hers.” That was the best he could do…he did not want to reveal who he was…at least, not just yet.
The old man disappeared behind the door to his house and called out to his daughter. “Xiao! You have a visitor!” he could hear the old man’s voice straining as it carried through the house and to the room where Xiao would be. After that Poo saw the man come out again. “She will be right out. Please wait here.” With that last statement Poo was left to wait at the door quietly.
Xiao hadn’t changed much in these past few years: she was still as brilliant and radiant as ever. However, her features had lost the girlish charm they used to possess and were replaced by a more mature, intense countenance. She hadn’t grown, though; Poo towered over her considerably.
When she stepped out of the house, hair flowing liquidly around her head, Poo felt as if time had stopped, as if he was no longer the world-wise, heroic member of royalty, but instead a humble trainee struggling to learn martial arts. Even after seeing Xiao gasp in surprise and put her hand to her mouth, that illusion did not leave.
“Prince Poo…what are you doing here?” Poo could tell that Xiao wasn’t as happy to see him as he was to see her. He took a step forward and looked her in the eye. “I…it has been a long time, Xiao.” he half-whispered. “I have…been thinking of you.”
Xiao’s hand dropped to her side, but her expression did not change. Poo’s calm began to falter, and his confidence started fluttering away, opening up a small vulnerable spot in his psyche. “I…have had much to think about.” He added so as to keep the rapport between them active. “About…what happened when I was younger. What happened to us.” He looked to Xiao for some sort of approval, or at least a reaction.
Xiao lowered her head. “I don’t know what to say.” She muttered. “I just…don’t know what to say. Why didn’t you come to us sooner?”
“Because I was ashamed…I was convinced that you would hate me for what I did.” Was the prince’s answer.
Xiao took a step forward and managed a weak smile as she clasped her hands behind her back. “You mean…you thought we hated you? Why?” She seemed both amused and surprised by this. “Why would we hate you?”
Poo cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow. “I…nearly killed you. Is that not reason enough?”
Xiao shook her head. “You don’t understand. We know what you were going through. If it wasn’t for Nasa, Starmaster would have never resumed your training…”
“…what?” Poo’s head shot up and he looked Xiao in the eye. She was serious. “You mean…he convinced Starmaster to…” he trailed off as Xiao nodded. She took his hand in hers and tried to comfort him. “We thought that, since you were the prince, you didn’t need friendship as much…” She began. “We didn’t know that a prince could be just as lonely as a commoner.”
Poo squeezed Xiao’s hand and his eyes began to water. He was being forced to relive the pain he felt all that time ago, and it hurt more than he could have ever imagined. His stomach twisted into a knot and his heart began racing. Very swiftly he took Xiao in his arms and squeezed her as if his life depended on it. “Xiao, I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry…please forgive me…” he sobbed.
Xiao wrapped her hands around the prince and caressed his back. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” She stated. “We were never angry at you in the first place.”
Poo didn’t seem satisfied with that answer. “If I could only hear that from Nasa.” He whined. “If only I could see him…” his grip on Xiao tightened as he let go the emotions he had suppressed so long ago. Xiao didn’t budge and for a while they shared a silent embrace between two whose emotions were not shared.
After a few minutes Xiao disengaged from Poo and grabbed his hands again. “If you want to tell Nasa how you feel, then you can do so yourself.” She said. Poo cocked his head to the side again. “I…do not understand.” He said, bewildered. “I thought he left Dalaam.”
“True,” Xiao shook his hands, trying to contain her excitement, “but he’s back. He’s here in Dalaam.”
Poo straitened up. “Here? In Dalaam?” not even he, master at keeping his cool, could hide his childish excitement. “Are you sure?” Xiao’s affirmative nod aroused butterflies in his stomach. For the first time, he was actually happy to see or even think about Nasa.
“We could head there now, if you wish.” With those words Xiao took Poo’s arm in his and began walking. Together the two headed off in the afternoon sun. As they strode through the dirt roads of Dalaam they chatted, not about the past, or about redemption. Instead of focusing on the negative, the unchangeable, they looked forward…to the future, and to old friends.
The Candle: Stories of Confession