As it is with such interactive fictions the heroes gathered in one spot to have a tremendous party in celebration of their amazing victory. This IF is no different in this respect except for the fact that GIFE parties are totally sweeter than normal IF parties. There was gratuitous amounts of PC Cola and catgirls for all. Grand Master Jack Black wailed on stage along with the rest of Tenacious D. The authors and ACs had gathered in the Council of Elders since it was a large building and an excellent staff who wouldn't complain about cleaning up after a very large victory party since they got paid extra tacos for doing it. Each author was sitting around telling their stories.

"That's right. I contended with Raltise twice and I'm alive to tell the tale. Except now I'm in searing pain and will be on morphine for a while, but I'll have a great story to tell the grandkids." JP boasted.

"Pfffft. That's nothing." Giampy said.

"What'd you do that's so great?"

"I withstood ten thousand shurikens and survived without a scratch."

"You're nigh-indestructible. That doesn't count."

Simon pointed to his arm. "See this scar on my elbow here? Yep, that's where the fish bit me when I was fighting with Dark Figure."

"So then I grab the sword ____ and make a run for the trench. But Raltise is all 'nuh-uh', so I'm like 'whatever' and I throw the sword ____ to Light Figure..." said Giampi

"Wow!" mewed one of the catgirls. "That's sooooooo interesting!"

"Isn't it? Now how's about a foot massage?"

"Sure..."

"Me-ow, baby."

Simon turned to Falcon. "Out of curiosity, I called Dante and he says he's been at work for the last six hours. So where'd he come from at the end of the battle there?"

Falcon winked. "There's a little Dante in all of us."

"And then I... hey wait a minute..." said FZ to no one in particular, "whatever happened to that Dash guy?"

"Hey, I remember him! I think we left him somewhere in Winters or something..." muttered Skulryk. The others shrugged and continued to party.

Meanwhile, Old Man Jenkins was talking to Matlock, who had been invited on special request by Jenkins.

"Eh, so Matlock,"

"Matlock isn't my real name. It's-"

"Wait, who are you?"

"I'm 'Matlock' remember."

"No! I never forget a face! You're...Joseph Stalin!"

"What? Stalin? Commies? Where? Where?" 'Matlock' then proceeded to panic and collapse due to a heart attack. Jenkins merely sighed, he'd lost more and more friends that way.

"This is some delicious punch," AC Falcon said.

"That's because it's spiked," Silver replied.

Giampy raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you shouldn't be drinking it out of a punchbowl like that, then..."

Silver licked his enormous dinosaur chops. "I'm a two-ton reptile from the Paleozoic era whose species managed to avoid the extinction by hiding out under the earth's crust. I was drinking from red hot geysers when your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother was trying to figure out if rocks were edible. Why, I'll have you know..."

Luckily, SimonBob came over at that moment. "Alright, that's enough, you're cut off!"

Skulryk leaned back in an armchair, surrounded by generic beautiful women. Tapping a bit into his laptop, the women became bikini-clad. He had much enjoyed his trip to the IF-world, as well as taking 'breaking the fourth wall' to an entirely different level, but now it was time to relax.

Another man strolled through the party, extremely well dressed in a suit and tie. He was almost unrecognizable without his grizzly unshaven face, extremely slurred speech, and an overpowering scent of cheap whiskey surrounding him.

"Hobo Mike? Is that you?" Giampi said, frowning.

"Nay, I am no longer 'Hobo Mike'!" he responded. "Thanks to several counseling sessions at Alcoholics Anonymous, as well as... a lack of funds for purchasing alcohol... I am no longer that boorish drunkard who I once was before! I have retaken control of my life, and am once again Michael Washington!"

"Well, uh... I guess that's good." Giampi said. While it was good to see that Hobo Mike had turned his life around, it was also kind of saddening to see that the good old Hobo Mike was no more.

Up on stage, Tenacious D had just finished a song, and Falcon took the microphone for a second, bowing in the presence of Jack Black. "I propose a toast for us saving the GIFE-verse!" The crowd cheered, as serving girls quickly materialized out of nowhere and gave everyone a glass of wine.

Michael Washington looked at the glass nervously, deep in thought.

"Come on, Mike!" Dash said. "You've been clean for weeks, what's one glass gonna do?"

Michael shrugged, then leaned his head back and drank his glass of wine.

Seconds later, a loud roar could be heard as he ripped off his suitjacket and was somehow once again in his classic hobo-rags. Looking around quickly for booze, he quickly snatched up the remaining wine bottle. In a few minutes, he could be heard debating with Old Man Jenkins.

"Ah tell ya, ah'm the one who's invented the kangaroo!"
"You LIE! Everyone knows that the hippo was invented by good old John Quincy Adams!"
"Ohhh, now ya've done it!"
"Bring it on, you hippie! I challenge you to a fight of fishsticks!"

Falcon frowned, turning to Simonbob. "I thought that was supposed to be non-alcoholic wine..."

Simonbob shrugged, then went back to the party.

Light Figure was wearing a lampshade on his head. "Do you like my hat? Be honest."

Giampy tilted his head to one side and tapped at his chin with his finger. "Hmm," he said. "It's okay, but I think it needs a little sprucing up."

The nigh-indestructible Author Character borrowed Skulryk's laptop, and then typed in a few lines of text. Instantly Light Figure's wardrobe was replaced with the most stylish outfit to have ever been worn.

"Marvelous. Much better."

Suddenly Giampy felt a cold, refreshing breeze from his left. He smiled and followed the delicious, cool wind.

"Ooh! Frosties!"

Yes, revelry abounded throughout the Hall of Elders. Light Figure led a disco inferno in his stylish new polyester threads, and Joe served out frosty upon frosty to the partying authors and ACs. Tenacious D got up on stage once more, this time with both Falcon and SimonBob. The two authors took a mic each, while Jack Black and Kyle Gass stood in the background strumming out the melody on their guitars. Falcon leaned over the mic.

"This is a song called the History of the Greatest IF Ever! And it's not just a list of things we've written in the past but is also a chronicling of our rise...to awesome!"

"We write with authors on mighty threads across the Forum Plains! We've fought Ninjas all over the place, they did not die in vain, no!" Behind them, JB and KG continued rockin' out the jams.

"We've stopped Dark Figure, we've trounced Raltise, even fought with Ness's Brain! We've traveled through plot holes and fanfics, my friends, to rock this house again! ROCK!" Now it was Simon's turn to lead.

"We write, we write, we'll put up a fight, Dark Figure is now Light! And if you say that we do not write, we'll delete you out of spite! Write!" Suddenly, Jack and Kyle took it down a notch and began playing slowly, quietly. Falcon sung.

"All you authors here tonight you're lookin for an ending that you can all deal with, that you can all deal with...some came for sweetness and some came for fun, some came because they heard they'd get their names in the credits! But what could the ending be? It'd suck if it all was a dream...that'd be real mean. Real mean." The music stopped. Falcon sung loudly.

"GIFE's AC's be silver!"
Simon chimed in. "And it's plotlines be gold!"
They sung in unison. "But lest you think we're vain..." The music picked up tempo again. "We know you're all drunk but we don't care, GIFE 2, it reigns! It reigns supreme oh god! A burrito supreme, and a chicken supreme, and a cutlass supreme! Supreme....yeeeeah." The music ended.

Then Falcon screamed at the top of his lungs in an ear-piercing crescendo. "Go now Bob go now Bob! Dun dun dun dun dun dun supreme!" The room erupted in applause. Falcon and Simon bowed. Jack Black and Kyle Gass looked a little irritated from having their spotlight stolen.

"Thank you, thank you." Simon spoke. "Tenacious D will be having a little break for the moment. But as a matter of fact, it's about time we start wrapping this story up toward its conclusion, don't you think? Well, last call everyone! Finish that spiked punch before it's too late!" Falcon and Simon left the stage and began to mingle with everyone else.

Off in the corner, Dash was hitting on the cardboard cutout of NeoPaula.

---

Mr. Accident came running into the room. "Hey! Someone turn on the TV!" Liar pressed a button on the remote and the large viewscreen in the Council of Elders lit up. The screen showed a snowy wonderland riddled with debris, and several construction crews working diligently. In the foreground stood none other than former Fourside Mayor Geldegarde Monotoli.

"This is Geldegarde Monotoli, reporting for Eagleland News. Reconstruction efforts going on in Winters are proceeding at a fast pace as several teams led by Gerardo Montague and Dr. Andonuts work to remove the debris of the former Dalaam from the frosty paradise. Meanwhile, Dalaam Prince Poo has gone off with a surveying team to scout out a new suitable mountain village. Once a sizeable chunk of rock is found, Mu elders from around the world will work to raise it into the clouds once more. In other news, the waters at the Summers resort brought on by the massive, devastating tidal wave have receded, and businesses are being rebuilt as we speak. All in all, things have come full circle here in the world of Eagleland, and we look forward to returning things to their former state. Except Fourside. That city will probably be destroyed fifty more times before we're through. Reporting live from Winters, this is Geldegarde Monotoli."

Skulryk frowned. "Well, that's convenient."

Falcon looked up from the Golden Laptop where he had been typing frantically. "Huh? Wha? Oh, yeah, heh heh I kno. : )"

Meanwhile, Jeff and Paula were working diligently at trying to interact with physical objects, namely the appetizers and drinks at the buffet table. However, they had little luck. Jeff whimpered. "We never needed our ghost forms in this story. This sucks :/."

Paula scowled. "Why, if I ever get my hands on that Dash..."

Just then, Dash appeared beside her. "Yes darling?"

"Dash!" Paula lunged at him and went right through him.

Dash turned around. "Easy, easy! I paid the money to the hospital to have you revived. See?"

Paula and Jeff looked down at their corporeal forms once more. "Well, I'll be. That was easy enough." Paula muttered.

"Yes, and plausible too!" Jeff chimed in.

"By the way, where's Ness?" As if in response, she felt a tug at her ankle and looked down to find a brainstem wrapped around it. She shrieked and kicked Ness's brain a few feet away.

"Owwww!" Ness's Brain groaned. He had developed the ability to walk via his brainstems, and he had grown eyes and a mouth, much like Krang from the Ninja Turtles, except he had a red baseball cap on. "What'd you do that for?"

"Oh, sorry. You just startled me, that's all." Paula blushed and turned away toward the buffalo wings. Jeff knelt down beside the brain.

"Ness! How've you been?" His spectacles twinkled in the reflection of the light.

"Oh, you know, same old same old. After I got thrown into that rift in spacetime me and Pancho separated and got thrown into a sort of character limbo place called Null. It was actually a waiting room with a bunch of dead people in it. Sort of like Beetlejuice. Aaaanyway, due to the nature of the plothole, I found out that Pancho was really a girl!"

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yup. Hey Panchetta, come over here!" A slender, hispanic catgirl in a skimpy bikini walked over to the brain and Ness wrapped one of his brainstems around her wrist. "Jeff, I'd like to introduce you to Panchetta. We're going steady. 8-)"

Jeff backed away slowly. "I see..."

Ness's Brain looked up at Panchetta. "Come on, babe! Let's go play some naked crisco twister." Panchetta purred and the two walked off together.

Jeff ran over to Paula. "You would not believe this..."

---

The party was slowly winding down. Light Figure was lying face-down in the punch bowl while Silver Tyrano had curled up in a corner, which comprised roughly one third of the room. Falcon and SimonBob reclined in their posh Elder chairs, having had their fill of food and partying alike. "Well, Bob. Looks like we should be ending this sometime soon, don't you think?"

Bob shrugged. "Dunno. What do you think, JP?"

JP shrugged, nibbling on the end of a chicken wing. "Eh. Giampi?"

Giampi was busy making out with a catgirl. "Mmmm mffff." He looked up. "What? I don't know, ask FZ."

FZ was just coming out of the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to his shoe. "Beats me. Simon?"

Simon had just looked up and noticed Giampi making out with his catgirl, Neok. "Hey! You leave her alone!"

Giampi raspberried him. "Make me!"

SimonBob shook his fist. "Why, if I wasn't so full of jalapeno poppers right now, I'd clock you one."

Falcon held up his hand to shush them. "Alright, alright. In any event, we need to get home somehow."

Liar frowned. "Home? I thought we were home?"

Mr. Accident shook his head from the chandelier he was swinging from. "Think about it. We're in a place where four of you are Elders of the fanfic world. In the dragon-infested lands of Canada. This is just another extension of the GIFEverse, really."

Skulryk put his feet up on the table. He drolled off sleepily. "Yeah...I guess....you're....right."

Luna, their receptionist, walked in at just that moment. "Elders! You have some visitors."

Falcon groaned. "Not again. Tell them the story's over!"

Luna shook her head. "They're very insistent."

Simon sighed. "What else is new? Alright, let them in." As soon as he said these words, a Frenchman in a white suit and an unassuming fellow wearing a golden boot on his right foot walked in. All eyes turned to them immediately.

"Jacques!" Liar exclaimed. "I thought you were really Raltise!"

The Tolp Lot shook his head. "Sacre bleu! That fruitbasket could never imitate me! I was just out looking for Dante, since he saved the day the last time and I thought you guys would need him."

Next to him, Dante looked away and muttered under his breath. "I'm not even supposed to be here today."

Mr. Accident shook his head. "Nope, he saved the day without needing to save the day. Anyway, you know of any way to get us home?"

Jacques smiled. "But of course! It is only a matter of plot hole manipulation. Come with me!" Jacques turned and exited the Chamber of Elders, heading outside. The massive congregation of Authors and ACs followed him.

---

They all stood before a shimmering, pulsing, blue and purple vortex that led into the unknown. Jacques stood beside it. "This is where we must depart. ACs, you must stay in your world. Authors, time for you to return to your own times. Errr, world. Yes. This is definitely not a Chrono Trigger rip-off."

Falcon looked smug. "Oh, you so know it is. Anyway, shall we be off?" He looked to the other authors.

Simon nodded. "Yes...the plothole has grown weak."

Mr. Accident looked pensive. "We've got to say our good-byes before the plothole closes."

Giampi shrugged and looked to Giampy. "You stay out of trouble, you hear?" Giampy nodded. "Catch you on the flipside. Come on, JP!"

JP looked to the other authors and ACs. "Bye, everyone. See most of you on the other side." The two authors stepped into the vortex and disappeared.

Next was Mr. Accident and FZ. FZ patted Old Man Jenkins on the shoulder. "You did good, old man. Just keep that hippie blaster at the ready and don't be afraid to blast a few long-haired freaks!" Jenkins, however, was quickly going deaf and blind, so he didn't know who it was. FZ sighed at the lack of response and walked away.

Mr. Accident walked up to Joe. "Hey...can I get a frosty for the road?" Joe sighed and made him a delicious blue and green beverage of ice. "Thanks!"

Joe muttered. "My only consolation is that I get to go back to Italy after all this."

Both Mr. Accident and FZ waved, then stepped into the void.

Liar and Skulryk walked up to the vortex, then turned back to the authors and ACs. "Hey guys, it's been fun. But we should be off. Bob, Falc, catch you guys later!" Skulryk said before the two Elders stepped off.

Last were Falcon and SimonBob. Author Falcon approached AC Falcon and the two stood face-to-face, neither wavering in the slightest. At last, AC Falcon spoke. "Dude..."

Falcon held up a hand. "...Long farewells ne'er were necessary."

AC Falcon rolled his eyes. "Oh, you're so lame." The two turned toward SimonBob and Silver Tyrano. SimonBob had his hand on one of Silver's massive trunk-like legs. He was looking down.

Silver remained very silent. "Gonna miss you, Bob. Especially since I never got to eat you." SimonBob turned and began to walk away.

Falcon frowned. "What's wrong, SB? Aren't you going to say goodbye to Silver?"

Silver sighed. "He knows."

Falcon raised an eyebrow. "Knows...what?"

Bob didn't even turn around. "Silver was born on the FUD forum. When we moved GIFE 2 back to the UBB, the GIFE 2 on FUD ceased to exist. Silver...may not exist in future stories."

Silver Tyrano laughed. "Chillll, Winston! Other fanfics will have a place for me! Otherwise I'll eat their authors."

SimonBob turned around, glaring. "Darn it, Silver! Don't pretend you don't care when you're really sad! It just makes things worse!"

Silver was silent. "...Bob, you're the one who made me this awesome. Thank you."

Falcon chuckled. "Come on, SB! Angstiness doesn't become you. Silver will be in other stories!" He stepped toward the plot hole. "It's time to go."

SimonBob stepped alongside him. "Bye, Silver. All of you, good luck in the future." Falcon scooped Luna under his arm, much to her chagrin. The Two Kings stepped into the shimmering plothole and disappeared.

AC Falcon turned toward Silver Tyrano. "I thought Raltise made the plot holes...but I guess I was wrong."

Silver frowned. "What do you mean?"

Falcon shrugged, looking at the portal. "I think a greater author wanted us to experience the awesomness of this story."

Silver sighed. "Writing a totally sweet fanfic...how exhausting!"

Falcon nodded. "We should dismantle the Dolewasher. Its job is finished." They nodded silently to one another.

A commotion coming down the road from the direction of the Hall of Elders caught their ears. All ACs turned to see the ragged visage of Hobo Mike running toward them at incredible speed. As he blazed past the throng, pushing AC Falcon and Silver Tyrano out of the way, he let out a blood-curdling cry. "Booze!" He exclaimed before jumping into the plot hole and disappearing. As if on cue, the weakened plot hole flashed and closed up. Silver and Falcon stared wide-eyed at these happenings.

Light Figure smacked his forehead. ""Oh, great! Guys, that plot hole will never open again!"

Falcon stood, a determined expression on his face. "Well, it looks like we have no choice but to go after him!"

Silver frowned. "Go after him!? The plot hole's..."

Falcon chuckled. "Silver, don't turn your brain off yet!"

Silver gasped. "I forgot! We have a plot hole generator!" He roared with laughter. "Come on, let's go!"

The throng of ACs ran toward the nearby Dolewasher and piled in, much to the consternation of the Dolewasher himself. With a shudder, the vehicle took flight and roared across the skies, ripping through the very fabric of the story with echoing plot holes in its wake. They passed the Flying Dutchman along the way.

AC Falcon walked over to the CD player and put on some tunes. Late Goodbye from the Max Payne 2 soundtrack began to play. He sung along loudly as the Dolewasher blasted through stories, screaming stopsigns and powerlines that kept on flashing by. "And we keep driving into the night, it's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye..."

Silver squashed AC Falcon under a massive paw. "Shut up."

THE END

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