"Curses! We need Simon if we're going to stop the dark plot of Dark Figure and Raltise." Jacques exclaimed!
"Besides being obvious isn't that also a little melodramatic?" Giampi wondered.
"Perhaps, but now's not the time to be arguing semantics! We have to save Simon!"
"But how do we stop a raging Tyrano?"
"The same way you always stop a Tyrano. With lightning! " Skulryk exclaimed.
"How do you figure lightning will stop him?" JP asked.
"Well I'm assuming here that Silver is merely a cousin to the Black
Tyrano from Chrono Trigger, who was vulnerable to lightning himself."
"Ok..., but how are we supposed to catch and stop a raging Tyrano?" Mr. Accident wondered.
As if to answer Mr. A's question, Dr. Andonuts pulled a remote out of
his pocket and pressed the button which revealed a multitude of
motorcycles equipped with snow tires and lightning guns in the
headlights.
"I love this job." Liar sniffled as a tear rolled down his cheek.
-------------------------------------
Silver thundered after the flying Dark Simon. Nothing but the thought
of eating his own evil author was on his mind despite the fact that
Dark Simon hadn't agreed with him before. Silver crashed through a
forest trying to catch Simon. However mysteriously Mona Lisa Overdrive
cued up at 2:10 and the remaining GIFE authors who hadn't gone away on
the Hobo Bike appeared behind Silver on their own bikes.
Silver thought nothing of it until he felt himself being zapped with
lightning. Of course being a Tyrano with magical scales that can
survive a nuclear blast this did nothing other than tickle him.
"Hey! That tickled." Silver said aloud.
"Smooth, it just tickles him." JP said sarcastically.
"Well it worked in Chrono Trigger." Skulryk replied angrily.
"What we need is some contrived plot device to help us out." Giampi offered.
Then Jacques appeared far ahead of everybody and created a thick, brick
wall which Simon and Silver slammed into knocking them both out.
"Contrived enough for you, Giampi?"
"Quite."
Silver's eyes cracked open. "To be perfectly frank, though, the Black
Tyrano could be defeated with any reasonably powerful attacks, provided
you waited until he lowered his defense to power up his super flame
attack."
"He had a super flame attack? What did it look like?" JP asked.
"Like this." Silver exhaled a stream of fire, torching JP thoroughly.
"Aren't you supposed to be unconscious?" Dark Simon asked irritably.
"Aren't you?" Silver shot back.
Dark Simon had no answer for this, so he decided to run away instead.
Silver growled and lunged after him, and everyone else was forced to
follow, coincidentally in the direction that would lead them to the
Path of Darkness Island.
The Hobo Bike arrived at the Island with a roar. It shot past the
outside security and rocketed into the lobby of the Castle of Cliche
Evil. Hobo Mike, being a drunken pilot, then proceeded to crash into a
large statue of Dark Figure and Raltise holding the Golden Laptop above
their heads.
The group had barley managed to escape the bike before it exploded in a giant fireball.
"Great," muttered Joe, "they're sure to know of us now."
As if on cue, a band of Starbucksmen burst into the room. Hobo Mike
stumble into their path,"Ah'll 'andle tis! Just wait 'n see."
He opened his trenchcoat, reveling rows and rows of booze bottles. He
took one and quickly guzzled it down. The Starbucksmen were destroyed
almost immediately. Falcon clapped his hands, "Well, we only have about
twenty minutes before the others arrive on Trez! Let's start to clear a
path for them!"
FZ pulled out a large machine gun, Hobo Mike began guzzling booze, Joe
readied his frosty machine, and Falcon pulled out a gun and a katana.
Falc pointed towards the stairway, "Let's rock and roll!"
With that, the small group charged into the cliche stairway.
"We gotta catch them!" Skulryk said, as the group raced after Silver Tyrano and Dark Simon with their lightning-gun motorcycles.
"That's what we're trying to do!" Mr. Accident barked back. "It's a
little difficult with an insanely powerful Tyrano and the evil
counterpart of an author! How are we supposed to catch them?"
"Wait!" Giampi said. "Silver Tyrano just told us how to lower his defense! Get him to use his flame attack again!"
"Well, how are we supposed to make him do that? He doesn't look like
he's in the mood to do it if we asked nicely! And don't forget, we
still need to catch Dark Simon!" said a charred JP. Silver Tyrano let
out a large roar as he chased after Dark Simon. Dark Simon taunted him
by throwing rocks back at him. Dark Simon and Silver Tyrano were moving
even faster now, breaking away from the group.
"Hmm," said Skulryk. "There might be a way to kill two birds with one
stone. Jacques, you think you could provide us with a net of some sort
for Simon?"
With a blink, a net fell from the sky over Dark Simon, stopping him in
his tracks. Silver Tyrano caught up to him and let out a mighty roar,
followed by a blast by the patented Tyrano Super Flame Attack. He hit
Dark Simon and then swallowed him whole.
"Now!" Skulryk yelled, motioning for the rest of the group to attack
with their lightning guns. They all fired, with the exception of Giampi
who didn't catch on to what the plan was. With Tyrano's defenses
lowered, the lightning had stunned him.
The group paused around the stunned Tyrano. Jacques materialized in
front of them. "Good thinking. I think that might hold him for a few
minutes..."
"Well now what are we going to do?" Liar said. "We've got Simon stuck
in there, going through god knows what, and I don't think Tyrano's
going to be too happy once he can move again.
Silver Tyrano let out a string of curses far too explicit for any
starmen.net IF as he regained partial control of his jaw. With the rest
of his body frozen, however, he simply gnashed his teeth.
"Well, I can take care of Dark Simon." Jacques said, shifting and
changing into Panchette again, and pulling out Dark Simon, once again
contained. He was also covered in the inside of Silver Tyrano's
digestive system, with a look of horror on his face. "Now, as for
Silver Tyrano... Well, I'll just give him a Tyrano-strength sedative.
It should mellow him out pretty well."
As the sedative took effect in Silver Tyrano's body, his eyes suddenly
glossed over, getting very bright. "Hey friends!" Tyrano said, in a
completely different state. "Let's laugh and dance and play hopscotch!
Then let's all go to my house and have toasted cheese!"
Giampi's jaw dropped. "My goodness, I think he's even scarier like this..."
"Now, I'll take Simon back to Stonehenge Base. The rest of you,
here..." the plothole expanded as Trez the Thought Dragon flew through
it. "You've got to get to the others over on the Path of Darkness
island! Hurry, they've already made it there on the Hobo Bike!"
"Right!" Skulryk said, jumping on Trez. The rest of the group jumped on
as well. Silver Tyrano had regained the use of his body, and now
pranced among the trees singing I Feel Pretty.
Jacques/Panchette frowned, and said "I think you had better come with
me," as the plothole surrounded Silver Tyrano and the encapsulated Dark
Simon and winked out of space, going back to Stonehenge base. Trez took
off above the trees, headed to the Island of Darkness.
As Trez drew closer to the fortress, the party checked their supplies one last time.
"So what are we supposed to do with these weird weapons anyway? They
don't look too effective," mused JP, who held aloft a strange
boomerang. The edges were rectangular and tinted a dull grey, while the
center portion that joined the two was shaped like a green square.
Giampi brandished his own weapon, a sword. The blade had several black
dots painted on the side, and the guard, which connected the hilt to
the blade, looked like a yellow puck, that is, if pucks had mouths.
Finally, the tip of the hilt was shaped like a blue ghost.
"These are the weapons of OLDSKOOL," said he. "Jacques briefed on them before we took off. We each have one."
To demonstrate his point he lifted up his sword, Save the Pac-Man. JP looked askance at his Pong Boomerang.
"So what do they do?" This question came from Mr. A, who was holding up
his Asteroids Ax. It looked like a normal ax, but the blade was shaped
like a transparent, wireframe triangle.
Liar, who possessed the GunJoustinir, had the same question. The tip of
his lance looked exactly like a small man riding a blue ostrich and
holding out a tiny spear.
Skulryk held out the DK Hammer. "I think I know. They possess special abilities that draw from their game of origin."
"Exactly," replied Giampi. "Jacques gave the other weapons of OLDSKOOL,
the Defender Daggers and the Pitfall Whip, to Falcon and FZ, so we
should be fine."
Giampy scoffed. He knew foreshadowing when he saw it.
***
As soon as Falcon's group rounded the first hallway, Hobo Mike
accidentally tripped a laser sensor and shortly thereafter began trying
to kill it. Or hit on it, one couldn't really be sure.
"What's happening?" FZ screamed above the din of the alarm that had
just been set off. A strange, purple gas had begun flooding the hallway.
"I don't--*cough*--know!" spat Falcon. "I think--*hackwheeze*--it's knockout gas!"
Unfortunately Falcon was incorrect. It wasn't knockout gas. It was much, much worse.
"dood wtf" prattled Joe. As soon as the words left his mouth he clamped his hand over it.
"its teh lam3r gas!!!1" exclaimed Falcon in a panic. "w e tlak liek lamz0rs now!"
"w8 omgrofl stop tihs ********* cuz i liek 2 knoe y tihs s lik thsi" said FZ.
"r u ok u 8 a b," replied Falcon. "we hafta fidn teh atnidto now!!!one1"
The group nodded quietly and ran off in a nondescript direction until
they came to a door. Hobo Mike smashed it open commandingly with a
bottle of booze and rushed in, followed by the others. Unfortunately
all they met was a dark, empty room.
">:0" cursed Joe, and his words echoed through the large chamber. Shortly thereafter the door to the room closed.
Falcon's eyes went wide in the dark as he spotted a dim, pulsating red
light from the center of the room. He could feel the evil energy
emanating from that spot, and he swore ("****!"). He looked on in
horror as the red light grew stronger and brighter, until it bathed the
room in crimson. The nightmare rock energy pulsated, and soon exploded,
knocking everyone back and revealing the form of a well-dressed man
with red hair. He was sitting on a throne with legs crossed and a calm
demeanor that sent chills down the party's spine.
With that introduction over with, Raltise rose and cracked his knuckles. His lips curled into a menacing smile.
"hay guys 8-)"