The group looked at the pile of ex-ninjas and sighed a collective sigh of relief. "Well," said Falcon, "that was interesting..."
"Yea well, I used the last bit of power in my laptop in writing those
ninjas into a different location. It's worthless now." said FZ sadly as
he put his laptop into his backpack, "And thanks to Falcon's ingenious plot twist," he rolled his eyes, "we can't write in any form of transportation. Tyrano can't fit all of us."
"Dr. A's lab shouldn't be too far. We can probably walk." muttered
Simon unenthusiastically. The group trudged slowly through snow drifts
in a manner that would have made any passerby think they were
re-enacting a death march. The groups dismay was even greater upon the
discovery of the former Andonut's lab, now only a crater do to the
mysterious explosion earlier in the story.
Simon prepared to let out another long "why," when they heard a
coughing noise from under a nearby piece of fallen concrete. Silver ran
over to it and pushed it off to discover a badly burned and bruised
Enrich Flavor in what appeared to be nothing more than a loin cloth. He
slowly stood up and hugged Falcon, "Oh thank God you found me! I
somehow survived this huge explosion but got trapped under that wall. I
had to eat my own clothes just to survive!"
Falcon grunted as he pried Flavor off of him. "That's all well and good
but we're stuck here too. You're still not much better off than before
I'm afraid."
Flavor still seemed to be sickeningly happy. "Ah, but now that I'm
free, I can get a good enough reception on this phone," he unearthed a
phone out of the nearby ground, "to call in my private jet! I'll take
you anywhere! Anywhere at all!"
This turn of events did a considerable amount of good for the group's disposition.
Dash stared at the ceiling. "Great. Just great. I'm stuck in Twoson
with a couple of unconscious bodies and my Gameboy is at home." He
sighed and reminisced about how sensible this had seemed at the time. Knock one of my best friends unconscious and I'll be yours forever, Paula had said.
Well, he did what she asked, didn't he? So now he could use that Horn
of Life that Paula left him to revive her with, and she couldn't very
well get mad because he'd done everything she told him to...
He raised the horn to his lips, took a deep breath, and blew mightily.
Nothing happened.
"Drat! How do you get these things to make noise?"
"So...." Falcon said. "Simon....how come you're not evil again? Because
I can clearly remember that you earlier got possessed by Dark Figure
during the fight and turned into Dark Simon."
Simon paused. "Oh. Yeah, that's right. Well, it looks like it's time for a....Fixer Post!" As he said this, Panchette, Pancho the Personable Plothole's sister, appeared to aid in the process.
"Howdy! I'm Panchette the Personable Plothole! I'm here to aid in the fixing process!"
Both Falcon and Simon looked at Panchette confusedly. "O....kay...." They both murmured.
"So! Anyway" Simon said. "The reason I am currently not Dark Simon is
because well, you see, Dark Simon is actually a virus. Dark Figure
infected me, but as long as I stay in control of myself it can't take
over."
"Oh, I see." Falcon paused. "So it's sort of like all your other crazy
incarnations. Like Clarence and Siggel." He rolled his eyes.
Simon smacked him. "Don't you be talkin' smack about Siggel!"
Falcon hissed. "Right. So anyway, now it's my turn! See, I want to tell you what the word 'corporeal' means."
"Go on." Simon said.
"Corporeal means something related to the body. Something that's
tangible. IN OTHER WORDS!" Falcon raised a finger high into the air,
then pointed into the crowd of characters. "Dash is alive and he's
standing right over there. He's not in Twoson."
"Yeah, that's about the size of it." Dash said, waving from within the crowd.
"I see." Simon said. "Alright, that about wraps things up. Thanks a bunch, Panchette."
"Anytime, duder!" Panchette exclaimed, and began to wander off.
"Wait!" Falcon said. Panchette turned to look at him. Falcon walked
over to her and kneeled down, whispering something into her vortex.
Panchette giggled slightly.
"Alright, stand back!" Falcon stepped away from Panchette as she began
to rumble and shake. In a flash, Hobo Mike flew out of her and landed
at Simon and Falcon's feet.
"Where's me booze!?" Hobo Mike demanded.
Hobo Mike sat away from the
group nursing a bottle of whiskey that Panchette had dropped before
mysteriously disappearing like all plotholes do. The Authors were
discussing what they could do to defeat the evil villains and escape
from the GIFEverse.
"Let's lynch Falc!" Simon roared.
"Yeah!" The others shouted.
"Come on! I said I was sorry already!" Falc hastily replied.
"You wrote us into this so now you get to write us out." Simon hissed.
"That's a lovely idea, but unless your feeble mind has forgotten already we're not equipped with neither laptops or desktops."
"Feeble? Oh, you're so dead!"
With that comment Simon jumped Falc and the two began fighting in a
comedic fashion with lots of dust and fists flying. The others just
watched as the two pummeled each other and yelling lewd remarks about
one not being the others' web buddy anymore.
"So... what are we going to do?" Giampi asked.
"Worry not my friend. Fortunately there was a pre-planned, or so it seems, plot device that will save us." JP answered.
"Really? What's that?" Mr. Accident wondered.
"This!"
quote:
Written slightly earlier in GIFE2:
Simon wasted no time in creating a new plotline. With the help of his trusty sidekick Falcon, he would end up finding the mysterious sword ______ (he'd think of a name later) and force the evil back into the story world, where the characters would then be able to defeat their foes once and for all.
"That's
nice, but it says that the sword will "force the evil back into the
story world" and we're already in the story world." FZ said.
"But we have a plothole that can take us back to our world so Simon and Falc can find said sword." JP replied.
"A few observations I have. Firstly Panchette is nowhere to be found.
Secondly it says that "With the help of his trusty sidekick Falcon, he
would end up finding the mysterious sword ______" and unless I'm
mistaken didn't they just say that they're not web buddies anymore."
Mr. Accident stated.
"Ah crap." The rest of the Authors replied.
"So if we want to defeat the bad guys, then we're going to have to get Simon and Falc back together, at least for now."
Giampi and Giampy began pacing back and forth in opposite directions
while JP and FZ sat on the ground, thinking. Hobo Mike had taken to
accosting Mr. Accident and Skulryk, the latter of which was insisting
that no, he did not have any more booze and yes, he was quite sure,
thank you.
FZ looked longingly at the comical cloud that enveloped Simon and Falc
and let out a disappointed sigh. "Don't you find it odd that those two
seem to be the focus of the entire plot so far? It kind of makes me
feel left out."
"Tell me about it," said JP. "The worse part is that they never stop
bickering. They really need to get over whatever it is that's bugging
them."
The conversation was interrupted by Hobo Mike's incessant political ranting.
"So then I says to Mabel I says HA! You can't tie me down, I'm my own congressman!"
Giampi snapped his fingers and his face lit up. "That's it! I think I figured out how to get them back together!"
Skulryk crossed his arms skeptically. "Do tell," he droned.
Giampi called for everyone to get close and form a huddle. "Well, for
my plan to work I'm going to need the Dolewasher. Since that giant
plothole swallowed the entire Chamber a while ago, it should be around
here somewhere."
Mr. Accident broke the huddle. "Get it, I will!" he exclaimed happily,
then ran off. After a few minutes he returned, lugging the Dolewasher
behind him, which was giving a speech about the importance of correctly
filling out your tax returns.
Giampi took the Dolewasher and placed it next to Giampy, then whispered
something in his ear. The two
nearly-identical-save-for-the-fact-that-their-names-end-in-different-letters
young men then opened up the Dolewasher and climbed in, eliciting
several odd noises from within. Eventually they emerged from the
political appliance with a large rope of red tape.
Liar looked at Giampi quizzically. "Red tape?"
"Of course," replied Giampi. "Politicians have miles of this stuff
stored away for whenever they need to delay the legislative process. It
works like a charm."
"And jus what exactly are you planning to do with it?" asked FZ.
"The answer to that," said Giampy, "is over there." he pointed at the
Simon-Falc fight cloud, which had gotten so comical by now that the
sound effects accompanying said fight were actually being written out
in mid air inside of colorful sound effect signs.
JP stared at the fight, then at Giampy, then at Giampi, then back at the cloud. "You're not planning to tie them up, are you?"
"As a matter of fact, yes," replied Giampi. "Now come on, I'm going to
need some help. Just getting close to that thing is hazardous."
That being said, everyone (save for Hobo Mike, who had fallen face down
on the ground) rushed up to the fighting pair and circled them with the
red tape. Several comedic antics followed, including but not limited to
slipping on banana peels, honking noses, and dancing to ragtime music.
Finally, after a few hours of toil, everyone succeeded in binding Simon
and Falc back to back. Even when tied the two tried to bite at each
other, and they emitted several different grunting noises.
"Okay..." said Mr. Accident. "Now what?"
Giampi stared blankly at Mr. Accident. "What do you mean?"
"He means," replied Skulryk, "that he wants to know the rest of your plan to get those two back together."
Giampi cocked an eyebrow. "Um...this is it. This is the whole plan."
JP's eyes bulged. "That's it?!" he exclaimed. "They're nowhere near getting along!"
This time Giampy was the one to raise his eyebrows. "Who ever said
anything about getting along? I thought you wanted to get them back
together."
There was a long, punctuated silence peppered with the sound of Hobo Mike's snoring. After a few seconds Giampi spoke.
"Oh..." said he. "You didn't mean it literally."
If GIFE were an anime, everyone would have convulsed and fallen to the floor by now.
"This is bad," mused Mr. Accident. "What do we do now?"
Skulryk pursed his lips. "Well, we do have them tied up..."
JP's face lit up. "And we've also eliminated any chance of them hurting us, at least right now..."
FZ nodded. "Yeah! It could work!"
Giampy looked at his author counterpart. "What are they talking about?"
Giampi scratched his chin. "I think I know." He turned to the bound Simon and Falc. "Hey guys!"
Falc and Simon stopped biting at each other long enough to sneer at the group. "WHAT?!"
JP smiled. FZ and Skulryk shot snide glances at each other. Giampi and
Giampy looked impassively at the duo. Mr. Accident and Liar picked Hobo
Mike off the floor.
"It's time for a little group therapy."
Dark Figure grasped the golden laptop. He laughed maniacally, feeling drunk with power.
"With this device" Dark Figure said, "we can shape the world we live in! Mwahahaha!"
A thought occurred to Dark Figure, who smirked and typed something into
the laptop. "I want a fruit smoothie!" With an almost magical hum, a
fruit smoothie appeared on the desk in front of him. He took a sip and
frowned. "Curses, I wanted strawberry!" As he held it up into the air,
about to throw it down, he paused, typing into the laptop again. He
sipped his now-strawberry smoothie in delight.
"Mmm hmm, yes, this is some wonderful power indeed." Raltise said.
"However, I'm sure we could use it for much better purposes
than...smoothies. Give me that device!"
Raltise typed on the laptop. "Mmm... mmm hmm... indeed... YES!" He
cackled as a rake appeared in front of him and spontaneously combusted.
"BURN, BURN!" The rake was reduced to ashes in seconds. Raltise typed
into the laptop again, this time summoning a key lime pie.
"mmm...yes...yes..." he said, as he began to eat his pie.
"Hey, look! We can even spy on our enemies with this!" Dark Figure
said, pointing to a recent post. "Hey, they're trying to work against
us!"
Raltise scowled. "I will not give up this power! I may be the master of
plotholes, but they just can't make a good key lime pie!"
"Is there something we can do?" Dark figure asked.
"Hmm... perhaps." Raltise thought. "If I understand this device correctly... Yes!"
Dark Figure looked at the laptop, wondering what Raltise had done. "Whoa! But that'll let us..."
-----------
MEANWHILE:
Falcon cried over Simon's shoulder. "I'm sorry I called you a 'poopy butt face'!"
Simon sniffed. "And I'm sorry I stole your stereo!"
For the most part, the group therapy had been a great success. The
group smiled, now on their way to getting out of the story world.
"Let's never fight again!" Falcon said.
"Right on, webbuddy!" Simon said, as they both hugged.
The group cheered for the two of them, webbuddies once again.
Dolewasher popped out a bottle of celebratory champagne, as Hobo Mike
quickly grabbed it and drunk it all.
BUT THEN, DARK FIGURE EDITED THE POST!
"Falcon, I just wanna tell you that you're a complete BUTTFACE!" Simon said.
In a look of shock, Simon grabbed at his mouth. "What? I didn't say that! I mean, I didn't mean to say that... What happened?"
Falcon paused, looking at Simon. "What? I thought you said we were friends!"
"Yeah right! In fact, I'm glad I stole your DVD collection!"
"What?" Falcon said. "You said Everdraed ate my DVD collection! How could you?"
Simon was shocked once again. "Hey, I didn't say that! And I swear, I
saw Everdraed eat those DVD's! Honest!" As Simon pleaded his case,
suddenly his flannel ripped open, suddenly pouring out Falcon24's
missing DVD's.
Falcon sneered. "Oh, I SEE HOW IT IS! Well, lemme tell you this! I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR CATGIRL!"
This time it was Falcon who was in shock, as Simonbob was lost for
words. As Falcon began to plead his case, though, Simon's catgirl,
Neok, jumped out from behind a tree, giving Falcon a long, passionate
kiss, before disappearing into the woods again.
"How... how could you?" Simonbob yelled. "I can't believe you would ever do that!"
"But I don't even like catgirls!" Falcon said.
"Oh, some webbuddy YOU are!" Simonbob screamed. In no time at all. the
two were fighting, now much worse than before. The rest of the group
simultaneously sighed, with the exception of Hobo Mike, who was
attempting to find Dolewasher's source of alcohol.
[ October 15, 2003, 10:50 PM: Edited by: Dark Figure ]