Mr. Accident blinked. There was something in his immediate surroundings that did not seem quite right. Something very prominent, yet somehow evasive; it seemed to linger at the edge of thought, eluding all attempts at actual cognitive analysis. He looked around. He was standing in a long corridor, of the drab variety that appears white in color, yet yields on closer inspection to a rather depressing off-beige.

Something was still wrong. Mr. Accident tried to put his finger on it, but it moved. In retrospect, he could not be certain if it had been the thought or his finger that moved, but something moved, and that was what mattered. There was nothing wrong with the floor; that was quite solid. The walls appeared to be quite present also, the thickly painted concrete being smooth and cool to the touch. He wasn't so sure about the ceiling, because he couldn't reach that, but he just accepted its existence anyway. Something was just plain wrong, and it didn't seem to exist in any of the three dimensions along which his train of cognitive examination was running. At this thought, he realized that the problem might simply be the fact that he was thinking in three dimensions.

Oh yes, he remembered, the fourth dimension. Tempora-whatsit. Then, suddenly, he had it. There was nothing wrong with his current surroundings; they were just fine. The simple fact was, they were not the same surroundings by which he had been surrounded ten seconds ago. As his mind snapped back into action, he recalled that he had been sitting in front of his computer, putting the finishing touches on a large and unnecessarily complicated assembly drawing of a mechanical pencil in AutoCAD, and the next instant, he was standing here.

Taking a more aware look at his surroundings, he realized that he was in the GIFE Hall of Elders. He wasn't quite sure how he knew this, but he suspected it had something to do with the large sign on one wall that said "GIFE Council of Elders - That way", with an arrow on it.

Hmm... he thought, GIFE... It's been a while since I posted on that. Maybe I'd better go see what everyone's up to.

Suddenly, another aspect of his surroundings became apparent. In the distance, he could hear the muffled cacophony of what sounded like combat. Screams and yells, punctuated by the ringing of steel and the occasional guitar riff, echoed faintly through the building.

Figuring it would be wise to proceed in a cautious and prepared manner, Mr. Accident seized a fire extinguisher from a fixture in the wall to use as a weapon, should the need arise. He then headed down the corridor in the direction indicated by the sign, and made it all of ten yards before he ran right into himself.

"...Who the heck are you?" he asked himself, regaining his balance and composure.

"I'm you," he replied, crossly. "...Only evil," he added as an afterthought.

"Oh," Mr. Accident pondered this for a moment. "I guess that means I'll have to hit you, er, me, with this fire extinguisher now," he added, wagging the device in a threatening manner.

"You do that."

Without further ado, Mr. Accident wound up, took a good swing, and hit Mr. Accident in the head with the fire extinguisher.


*******


Simon was thrown back in his chair by the force of Dark Figure's punch. As it happened, it was one of those comfortable office chairs with the flexible back, so Simon was immediately flung back at Dark Figure. He collided with an "Oomf!" and they both fell down onto a control panel on the other side of the room. Various buttons that had been blinking blue started blinking green instead. As Simon fought to pin down Dark Figure and regain his breath simultaneously, he hoped distantly that none of the buttons controlled anything important.

By the time he was able to breathe normally again, Dark Figure had wrestled himself out of Simon's grasp, and struck an ominous pose, ready for the next assault.

"It won't be so easy this time, Simon Roberts!" Dark Figure menaced. "Dante and his Golden Boot are ancient history; you haven't got a chance!"

Simon thought back to the days of the previous IF, when his AC Simon (The famed Flannelwolf Ninja himself) had done battle with Dark Figure. Of course, he had never expected the fourth wall to be shattered in such a complete and total way as to precipitate a battle between his actual self and the Darkest of Figures...

Then again, being an Author would grant him great powers, now that the fourth wall was no longer an obstacle. Unfortunately, those powers were limited in his home dimension. Nevertheless...

Seizing the chair, he focused all his Author powers into it; he issued a great battle-cry as he swung it aloft, and with a dazzling flash of light, it changed into a very large trout.

Dark Figure goggled, and then broke out laughing. "A fish?!" he sputtered, "Just what do you expect to do with a fish?"

"Um..."

"Ohh, a fish," Dark Figure's voice dripped sarcasm. "I'm so terrified. I have no chance against you now that you have a fi-" THWACK. He was interrupted when the fish collided rather solidly with his skull. He fell on yet another panel of lights and buttons, breaking most of them.

As he got up, Dark Figure narrowed his eyes at Simon.

"So," he began, but didn't bother finishing his sentence, because the next moment, the two were locked in mortal combat, fish-to-fist.


*********


When Mr. Accident barged into the Chamber of the Elders, the battle was at its highest pitch. Authors and ACs battled their counterparts in all directions, and sometimes multiple directions simultaneously, even though that violated fundamental laws of physics. Spotting the two Author Falcons strangling each other, he ran up to them and started hitting on of them with his fire extinguisher.

"Hey, moron!" Good Falcon choked through the grip of his nemesis, "I'm the good one!"

Apologizing under his breath, Mr. Accident made ready to club the other Falcon senseless, but at that moment, he received a rather sturdy kick from Evil Silver Tyrano, which sent both he and the fire extinguisher flying.

The fire extinguisher spiraled through the air majestically, and then landed soundly in Pancho. The fire extinguisher also exploded. Pancho's remains suddenly began to shake, and the plothole grew large and unstable. The fighting throughout the room stopped, as everyone turned to stare at the glowing purple hole that was rapidly spreading.

"Uh-oh," said just about everybody.

In an instant, it was over. Ten thousand Canadian Geese flew out of the plothole and exploded. The plothole grew to epic size, engulfing the entire Chamber of Elders. A spinning, dizzying drop through purple chaos ensued, and moments later, the entire party was suspended in the atmosphere, about 10,000 feet above what looked like Winters.

Falcon glanced downwards. "Looks like the ground is coming up pretty fast."

Simon nodded. "Looks like it."

Falcon frowned. "Any of this seem familiar to you, Bob?"

SimonBob scratched his head. "Yeah, it does. Didn't we do this in another fic that's yet to be published?"

"You bet we did. Anything missing?"

"Oh! Oh, yes. Hold up." So saying, Simon withdrew the Golden Laptop from the folds of his robe and began typing frantically. The air about the good group shimmered and warped as a large form began to take shape. A large, scaley form. A dragon. A thought dragon. To be perfectly specific, it was Trez the Thought Dragon, one of Simon's ancient ACs. Trez phased into existence beside the plummeting group and looked at Simon curiously.

Simon pointed toward the ground. "Can you give us a lift?" Trez nodded in a dragonesque manner and flew off, coming around for a pass. He swooped under the group and slowly decreased his speed of descent until the whole cadre of good ACs landed on his back. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough room, so the three-thousand or so Ninja plummeted to their demise. Group in tow, Trez rocketed toward the ground, leaving the evil group to a grisly fate.

Raltise merely crossed his legs mid-air and folded his arms across his chest. Dark Figure stared at him blankly. He scratched his chin darkly. "Hey, think you can do anything about that?"

Raltise shrugged. "Yes, yes, of course. Quite a simple solution." So saying, the Nightmare Demon waved his hand vaguely, and a large, swirling eddy of a plothole appeared underneath them and swallowed them up. Unfortunately, the hole wasn't wide enough, so the three-thousand or so evil Ninja plummeted to their demise. In an instant, the very same plothole opened up feet below ground, dropping the group out into the fresh snow. The good and evil group stared at each other intently.

"So wait, we're in the GIFEverse now?" Liar asked.

"Looks like it. What a totally unexpected plot twist!" Skulryk exclaimed.

So....what now?" Evil Liar questioned, for the lack of a better person to do so because there were too many people in the fic now for this author to count. There are like, what, thirty?

Raltise stepped forward. "Firstly, there are way too many people in the fic now for this author to count. There are like, what, thirty? Yes, quite. I suggest we fix that."

Silver Tyrano raised an eyebrow. "So, we fight?"

Evil Simon shook his head, even though he'd been eaten previously. "No, too tedious. It'll take mounds of concentration and attention to detail that this author simply doesn't want to exert at this point in time." Snow began to fall, creating a dramatic ambience.

Giampy frowned. "So, what do we do?"

Evil Author Falcon motioned to Raltise. "Maestro, if you please!"

"But of course!" Raltise exclaimed in a horrible French accent. He waved his hand, and a plothole formed in midair. This plothole, however, possessed black hole-like capabilities, and it quickly worked to suck in all Evil ACs, leaving only Evil Author Falcon, Evil Simon, Evil Liar, Evil Skulryk, and Evil AC Falcon. They screamed pitifully as the vortex swallowed them up, this uncluttering the battlefield profusely.

The plot hole, however, did not disappear. Instead, it shrunk in size and descended to the ground. Arms appeared from within its chaotic mass.

JP gasped. "Pancho! You're alive!"

Pancho shrugged. "Hey, I'm a plot hole, after all." He turned to Raltise. "What next, master?"

The good group as a whole gasped in surprise. Somewhere far off, someone played a dramatic chord on a pipe organ. "Master?" They said as one.

"Yeah, makes sense, don't it? He's the Master of Plotholes, remember? Sorry, guys, you're cool and all, but I can't go against Raltise's whims." Raltise stepped beside him and patted the Personable Plothole on the outer edge of his vortex.

"Very good. Now, we shall come for what we desired. The laptop, please." Raltise strode forward menacingly.

Simon shrank back, holding the laptop close to him. Then, instinctually, he brandished it and opened it up. Raltise halted. "Not another step!" Simon glared. "You come anywhere near me, and I'll write you out of existence." Nearby, Falcon scowled angrily and folded his arms.

Raltise grinned. "Oh, is that so? Well, you'll be doing nothing with that toy of yours. Quite." He held up a power cord. Simon raised his eyebrows in surprise.

The author slowly looked down at the Golden Laptop. He just caught the image of a blinking battery onscreen before the monitor went dark. "Well, shazbat." He muttered.

A strain of hideous laughter echoed across the landscape. Raltise threw back his head in laughter. Nearby, Dark Figure scowled angrily and folded his arms. "You are in the GIFEverse, and without a paddle, SimonBob! Even the legendary Author Creatures can die here without their tools. Your end is now." So saying, the Unearthly One raised his left hand, pointing his index finger at the defenseless author. Bob cringed. A single lance of red energy shot out from Raltise's fingertips and headed toward his victim's chest.

SimonBob, his eyes closed, frowned suddenly upon hearing a familiar voice exclaim "Nooooooooooooo!" As this ended, he felt someone or something collide with his body, sending him out of harm's way and into the freshly falling snow. The laptop flew out of his hands and landed several feet away.

Bob opened his eyes. He padded his chest frantically, and a grin grew on his face. "Ha ha ha!" He laughed in triumph. Then his eyes turned to a crumpled form on the ground below. The snow around him was quickly turning red. "Oh no! Kyle, no...." He kneeled near the body, clenched his fists, and raised them to the heavens. Then he let out an earth-shattering scream to God's ears. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy!? -- Wait." He stopped abruptly and took his first good look at the person who had sacrificed himself for him. He stood up quickly. "Wait! This...this doesn't make sense." He backed away.

It was the body of Evil AC Falcon.

SimonBob grit his teeth. "That can only mean...no!" He turned toward the place where the Golden Laptop had fallen and darted for it -- but it was too late. A hand had scooped it up. Good AC Falcon's hand. He walked over to Dark Figure and handed it to him. Then he stood quietly beside him.

"Falcon!" Silver Tyrano roared. "What is the meaning of this!?" Good AC Falcon remained silent. Raltise handed the power cord to Dark Figure, who hooked it into the Golden Laptop and then plugged it into an unseen power source. He quickly brought up the early pages of GIFE 2 for reading.

quote:

Within the Early Pages of GIFE:
Falcon frowned. "Your plans..."

"My plans are only my business. You can't do anything to stop them. In fact, you'll be helping them, if anything. I can guarantee it. Adios, amigo!" With a laugh, Dark Figure winked out of existence.

Dark Figure closed the Golden Laptop with a snap and unplugged it. "So you see, Falcon was on our side from the very beginning. He was meant to lead us right to the GIFE Council of Elders so we could steal the Golden Laptop and render them useless. Now no one will be able to oppose our domination of the GIFEverse!" He roared with laughter. Nearby, Raltise scowled angrily and folded his arms.

SimonBob walked quietly over to Author Falcon. "I have a question for you."

Falcon bit his lip. "Yeah?"

"Did you plan this plot twist from the very beginning?"

Falcon paused. ".......Yes." He said in an extremely low tone. Simon stomped on his foot hard.

"You idiot! Now what are we going to do!?"

Falcon hopped about on one foot, holding his other in pain. "Owwwwww! Hey, I only said I planned to make him on their side! I didn't think he'd go renegade and steal the laptop! Honest!"

SimonBob pushed him to the ground and jumped on top of him, beating him soundly with his fists. "You moron! Falcon and Raltise are both your ACs! This was your idea all along! Idiot!" The savage beating was brought to a halt by the sound of Ness's Brain shouting angrily.

"Will you guys quit it! In case you haven't noticed, I'm a brain in a jar here! This isn't exactly a pleasant life I'm leading!" As he said this, Paula and Jeff's ghosts floated in with due speed, with Dash in his corporeal form trailing close behind. Paula gasped for breath, even though she didn't need any, being a ghost.

"Ness! I've finally found you! Listen, Ness, we've got big trouble and--"

"Paula!? Is that you!?" Ness's Brain exclaimed.

"Paula! Jeff! Good to see you!" Pancho the Personable Plothole intoned cheerfully.

Jeff frowned. "Hey, is it just me, or does their voice sound the same?"

Ness's Brain and Pancho looked at each other. "Wow, hey, you're right." They both said at once. Their voices echoed one another. Dark Figure began to laugh wildly.

"You fool! They are both done by the same voice actor!" His laughter filled the landscape.

"He's right!" Ness's Brain shouted. Suddenly, both Ness's Brain and Pancho began to gravitate toward one another, and they slowly began to merge into one being. "Help!" Pancho shouted. "We're merging into one being!"

Paula, eyes wide, looked on the proceedings with shock and awe. "This can't be!" She shouted, throwing her head upward in one ultimate, bloodcurdling, Pedro-esque yell.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Dark Figure reached down and scooped the Pancho/Ness's Brain hybrid under his arm. He then turned away. Raltise clapped his hands.

"Gentlemen! It has been a delightful time, really it has, but we must be off. Being the Master of Illusion, I bid you...."

Skulryk rolled his eyes. "Adieu. Yeah, yeah, we know. Falcon writes that line in on every fic you're in."

Raltise huffed indignantly and turned away. He waved his hand, and a rather decently-sized plot hole opened before him. He waved to the group of do-gooders and proceeded inside, followed by Dark Figure and his charge, and then by Evil Liar, Evil Skulryk, and Good AC Falcon.

Evil Author Falcon was the last to step inside. He lingered halfway between plothole and snowdrift for only an instant, taking the occasion to grin menacingly at the baffled group of heroes. He pointed upward. "You might want to cover your heads."

Liar looked upward. "Oh, crap." He said.

Evil Author Falcon laughed before stepping inside the plot hole. The swirling purple rift closed in a deafening crash of thunder, punctuated by the sound of the bodies of six-thousand or so Ninja hitting the ground with a splatter.

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