Old man Johannesburg sat by the fire, telling his tale of woe. "Once the Kraken ate his fill of my ship's mangoes, he smashed the hull and let the rest sink to the bottom. I managed to grab some flotsam and drift to Deep Darkness, but then I got lost in an old system of caverns. Before I knew it, I was falling down, down, down, in a burning ring of fire! And that was when I discovered the legendary Lost Underworld!"

The other patrons of the Jackie's Cafe ignored him. He was pretty lame.

"So there I was, surrounded by reptilians of legend - Chomposaurs, Wetnosaurs... but they all scattered in the wake of the biggest, nastiest dinosaurs of all: the Tyranos!"

Jackie picked up a glass and polished it. He'd only heard this one eight hundred times.

"But luckily I escaped them, but those Tyranos have a rule: Never let anyone escape alive! Why, any minute now, one of them could rip the ceiling off this cafe and eat me alive!"

"Sure, whatever." The assembled crowd rolled their eyes.

Then Silver Tyrano ripped the ceiling off the cafe and ate old man Johannesburg. It was a boring story anyway, he thought as he tossed his head back, swallowing the decrepit fellow whole. And now to go on a rampage.

[insert crazy guitar solo here]

*Subsequent drum solo by the guy from Rush*

Then a pedestrian asked why he was on a rampage.
"I have a thorn in my foot!" So the pedestrian pulled it out. "Thank you... And as a token of my thanks, I shall crush you!" This resulted in the thorn being stuck in the other foot, and the rampage continued.

Hobo Mike looked in his cup of coffee, smiling as he finally managed to get enough change for a nice drink. He had ignored old man Johannesburg, concentrating solely on his drink.

He grinned a toothy smile as he reached for the cup, brimming with liquid, as in the background Silver Tyrano grabbed old man Johannesburg and went on a rampage. All hobo Mike cared about was his drink.

However, the ruckus caused by Silver Tyrano shook the table, tipping over the coffee. Mike sat in disbelief for a moment, staring as the contents of the cup flowed across the table and formed a stream over the edge, gathering into a puddle on the floor. A tear welled up in his eye.

"ME NIPS! I LOST MAH PRECIOUS COFFEE!" he said, sobbing as he got down on his knees, licking up the remains of the coffee. After retrieving what he could get, he yelled in a slurred voice to Jackie. "Gimma more coffah! Ah didn't pay to get mah coffee all over tha floor!"

Jackie, much more concerned with the loss of a roof than with his customers, ignored hobo Mike, simply staring in disbelief at the sky. He stared at the sky because of the lack of a roof, which Silver Tyrano had just taken off.

Hobo Mike took offense to this. "Ah, ye wanna fight, den? Aalright!" He drew his fist back, then fell over the table in a drunken stupor. In the meantime, Jackie had run outside, still staring in disbelief as Silver Tyrano rampaged through the city.

"Aar! You've won this time but ah'll be back!" Mike yelled. He then grabbed his tattered box and made his way out of the cafe, vowing to get a drink somewhere and to find some purple potatoes.

"Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. I wish I hadn't stepped on that pedestrian," Silver said as he knocked in the side of the APE Software building. "This thorn is really painful."

A tank drove behind him and shot a .50 caliber bore into his back. Roaring with annoyance, he turned around and kicked the offending vehicle into the river before attending to his foot again. He couldn't quite reach the thorn, and it seemed to be well-set behind his claws. "Curse my stubby arms!"

"Here, let me help." A figure dressed all in black was watching from the roof of another building. He held up his hand, and the thorn magically slid out of Silver's foot.

"Aha, thank you." Silver carefully picked up the thorn and chewed off the point before bowling over some policemen with it. "And now as a reward, I'll eat you!" He leapt upon the building, his slavering jaws surrounding the figure.

CRUNCH! Silver felt like he'd just bitten into a cement block wrapped with firecrackers. He fell backwards onto the street, his jaw aching. "What'd you do?"

"Do not toy with me, Tyrano." The figure's voice was deep and mysterious, much like the figure himself. "I was once the most powerful man in all of Eagleland. And I will be again, someday." He stretched out his arm, pointing at Silver. "Help me attain my goals, and I will make you second only to myself in the new world order!"

"Okay," Silver said. He'd heard of the stereotype of the slow-witted dinosaur, and wanted nothing to do with it, which is why there's no plodding description of his thought process; it was simply to quick to be seen by the human eye. "What do I have to do?"

"For now, continuing this rampage will suffice. I need a distraction. I'll send more instructions later." The figure began to rise into the air.

"Hey, wait a second!" Silver called out. "Do you have a name?"

"Yes," the figure replied before vanishing out of sight. "Dark Figure."

Falcon24 was sitting in the Dentist's office, reading the newspaper while listening to the mellow sounds of the Kyle Gass Project coming over the radio. He turned the page to find the headline reading DIF finally submitted to the Fanfics section: Worst group fic in the history of mankind said to induce seizures and voluntary blinding. "Hmm," Falcon mused. "I may have helped create a monster."

Without warning, the entire roof was ripped off the building. "WTF?" Falcon shouted as he spotted Silver Tyrano lifting the dentist out of the building and swallowing him up in one bite. "Hey!" Falcon shouted, "I was going to get my wisdom teeth out!"

"Then you should thank me!" Silver Tyrano shouted back.

"Why you...!" Falcon growled. Silver Tyrano merely shrugged and began to turn away.

"Sorry bud, I'm under orders."
"From who?"
"I'm not at liberty to say, but his name might start with D and end in 'ark Figure'"
"Dark Figure eh?"
"You didn't hear it from me."
"Never heard of him."
"Oh, well then, good day to you sir!" Silver Tyrano then stomped off to continue his rampage.

Falcon scratched his chin. "Hmmm...Dark Figure...hmmmmmm.....you know what! I better read the first GIFE, since I never have, even though I started this topic!" So saying, Falcon headed off to the fanfics section to do just that. Unfortunately, he was sidetracked by the fact that he had to go to work, but promised he would return to read it once work was over.

Silver continued on his rampage, kicking over buildings and stuff, when all of a sudden a huge tower rose from the depths of the bay. In fact, it was no tower at all; it was Dungeon Man, come to challenge Silver's claim to the city!

Roaring his defiance, Silver charged at Dungeon Man, rolling forward at the last moment for a shoulder hit. Dungeon Man's plaster body cracked from the impact, but he kept his footing and was able to hit the dinosaur with a few punches. Snarling, Silver backed off, then suddenly kicked a Chevy at his opponent. The car bounced off Dungeon Man's face, knocking off his nose. Dungeon Man stooped downwards as though looking for his disabled proboscis, but then lunged forward, catching Silver off-guard and throwing him backwards into the Bakery. Silver countered by throwing bread rolls at Dungeon Man; they were ineffective, but it felt good to throw stuff around.

Finally, Dungeon Man decided he'd had enough. He started to charge up his MEGA DUNGEON ATTACK, releasing it just as Silver got to his feet. KABLAM! Silver was blasted towards the horizon, disappearing with a twinkle in the sky.

"Thank you, Dungeon Man!" the mayor shouted from the highest pile of dirt he could find. "You've saved what's left of our town!"

"You're welcome," Dungeon Man replied, "but I was just doing what any good-hearted gargantuan crushing machine would've done. I'm no hero."

Nevertheless, an impromptu ceremony was held, medals were awarded to various people, and a good time was had by all. Even the looters.

Hobo Mike scowled. Giant monsters fought in the city, and there was someone who owed him $100! He could remember what he said.

"Sure, I'll give you $100... WHEN MONSTERS RAMPAGE THROUGH FOURSIDE!"

On top of that, his precious box had been trampled by the mob of screaming people. Sure, peace had been restored and the people stopped fleeing, but his home was ruined! He sulked for a moment, then figured out the answer.

"Ah, I need a drink! I feel the smell of whisky fading from me already!"

Although Mike was already surrounded by an extremely strong scent of cheap liquor, he began going up to random people and demanding money.

"Hey! Lemme have yer change, sir! Ah need me fix! Can ya spare a twenty? Ah'll take checks!"

The man scowled. "Don't talk to me, bum. I just lost my shirt in a solitaire tournament yesterday."

Hobo Mike scowled at the man, but quickly jumped up and approached the next passerby.

"Missy! Give an old man some cash! I, uh... lost all my money in a solitaire tournament! Ah need some money to get me some relief!" He grinned a toothy grin, reaching for the young woman's purse.

Paula screamed, overtaken by the smell of whiskey and rather freaked out by an old man approaching her. "PSI FREEZE!" she screamed, covering Hobo Mike in ice and freezing him in place. She quickly ran off. Geez... she thought. I go to the city to go shopping and not only does a dinosaur attack the city, this freaky old man comes after me! Oh well, at least I looted some nice stuff... Paula glanced at her bursting bag from Fourside Dept. Store.

Hobo Mike thawed, rubbing his face. "My, that's one rather tough lass..." Resilient as ever, he got back up and asked more people for change.