(Author’s Note: I do not own EarthBound or any related characters. A mister Itoi is the mastermind behind EarthBound. I also make references to INVADER ZIM, a cartoon created by cartoon genius Jhohen Vasquez and not owned by me. It’s unlikely you’ll meet Itoi around here. But if you meet Vasquez, say hi to him and praise him on a great cartoon!)

The Littlest Psychic

The Baby With The Gifted Brain

Ness and Poo could see baby Ness. It wasn’t from a first person view for Ness and Poo, but rather third. They were just standing next to Ness’s crib.

“Go ahead,” said Mrs. Franklin. “Put the hat on his head.”

Mr. Franklin did so. “Oh, doesn’t he look cute? Now, what shall we name him?”

Mrs. Franklin suggested, “Ness.”

“Ness,” repeated Mr. Franklin. “Hmm… I think Ness is the right name for him. Look! He smiled at his name! He likes it.”

“I’m sure he’ll be a thoughtful, strong boy. Now, let’s go to the kitchen. I got steak on the stove.”

Just then, baby Ness pointed at a bottle, and it shifted an inch to the right.

“Um, honey?” said Mr. Franklin. “Did that bottle just move a little?”

“Oh, Fred!” replied Mrs. Franklin.

(another Super-speedy author’s note: Frank is a name I made up to use as Mr. Franklin’s first name. For all I know, his first name could be Tomato! Sorry, that was a shameless plug for the site I used to go to!)

Mr. and Mrs. Franklin then left the room. Baby Ness pointed at the bottle again, and it moved an inch to the left. Ness did this a few more times until he outstretched his arms and the bottle slowly floated towards him. Little Ness then rubbed his forehead and proceeded to drink from his bottle.

(My head hurts,) thought baby Ness.

This creeped Ness out. The fact he could hear his younger self think just creeped Ness out. However, Poo was cool and calm throughout the whole thing.

After baby Ness finished drinking, he climbed to the top of the crib, and jumped to the window. Somehow, he used PSI to make a second jump.

Whenever baby Ness moved, Poo and Ness moved in sync with him.

(SSAN: Oh, no! I made a reference to a music group made of pure evil!)

Ness and Poo watched as walked along a dirt road, and up towards the house of treasure hunter/sign-maker: Liar X. Agerate.

Upon reaching Liar’s house, baby Ness knocked on the door. The door opened.

“Red hat?” said the man, who was obviously Liar. “You must be the Franklins’ new boy!”

<Daddy!> said baby Ness.

(SSAN: I use arrow brackets to indicate telepathy!)

“AHH!” Liar shouted as he tossed the child into the air. “Demon baby! Demon baby!!”

When little Ness landed, he let out a scream that could wake the dead! Not to mention a PSI attack that’d kill most any small animals that got in the way!

“Maybe this isn’t the spawn of Satan…” said Liar. “Maybe, he’s just gifted! Yeah! He’s mentally gifted like I’m psychically gifted!”

Liar took little Ness into his humble abode. Once inside, Liar checked his clock.

“Oh, my!” he said. “It’s 9:00! ‘INVADER ZIM’ is on! That was so nice that Mr. Vasquez put his new cartoon on here in Eagleland before he decided to bring it to the USA.”

There it was, the answer to Ness’s question. Mr. Agerate introduced him to “ZIM”! Yet, he didn’t want to stop there. He wanted to learn more about his past.

“Pitiful Earth propaganda!” said ZIM, on the TV. “To think a mighty alien species could be felled by something as pitiful as ‘germs’!”

Just then, Ness was back in his shack. He looked at Poo. Poo was exhausted.

“I’m going to the Deep Darkness,” said Ness. “I’ll be back with some Magic truffles for you, Poo.”