One day during his adventure, Ness was sitting in Jackie's Cafe.
"I'm getting tired of all this 'chosen one' stuff," he complained. "I wish I could've been someone exciting." "Like what?" inquired Jackie.
"Oh, I dunno... a lumberjack or something."
"Well, you're young! There's still time to save the world after you've cut down a few trees! Go on, get out there and enjoy your youth!"
"Hey, you're right! I have plenty of time to be a lumberjack! Thanks, Jackie!" Ness was so excited, he teleported straight to British Columbia. He grabbed an axe and started hacking away at the base of a tree. "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay! I sleep all night and -" SPLAT!! Ness got run over by a bulldozer.

Since Ness was dead and Paula had been kidnapped by Monotoli, Jeff put an advertisement in the paper.

---

Wanted: Hero to save world from evil power. Inquire at Jackie's Cafe.

---

Jeff looked in disbelief at the man standing before him. "Mr. T? Wow!"
"Yeah, foo! Get outta my way, I'm gonna bust this joint up!" Mr. T stepped up to the false panel at the back of the room and ripped it open. Then he busted up the Mani Mani statue. After that, he and Jeff beat their way through the Monotoli building and rescued Paula, then they took the A-Team van to Dalaam and picked up Poo.

After a few minutes of driving in the spectacular flying and time-traveling van, the Chosen Four (minus Ness and plus Mr. T) was fighting against Giygas. But because Ness wasn't there and they forgot to level up, Giygas whooped their butts. "I pity you, foooooooo!" screamed Mr. T as he flew off into the darkness.

So, Giygas took over the world and enslaved it. But it turned out that enslavement wasn't such a bad thing after all. Giygas turned out to be really nice. He put the crosses back on the hospitals; he replaced the Onett Police Force with Starmen, who were 45% more efficient at placing roadblocks; he even released EB64 on time. There was much rejoicing.

One day, Giygas was taking a stroll in Fourside, when he saw a sign at the Topolla: "Venus here tonight!" The sign was five years old, and Venus wasn't so hot anymore. So Giygas took over the management of the Topolla, and brought in newer, more popular bands. He made sure to have examples of every kind of music (diversity was the way to keep the people happy,) but he did have his own weakness to grunge. So when he signed Pearl Jam, he gave them a three-day slot.

On the second night, Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam's lead singer) was kickin' as usual, when he heard an explosion offstage. He looked over, and there he saw someone he never expected to see again!

"Ah pity da foo... and I pity you!!"

It was Mr. T and the other three Chosen Ones! After the battle with Giygas, they were sent to a strange dimension where they had been training. They had come back to defeat Giygas and all his minions.

But Eddie wasn't going to stand for that. Giygas had given his band three nights at the Topolla - more than even *NSync or the Tragically Hip! And he wasn't going to let any crazed 1-800-COLLECT commercial-maker screw him out of such a good deal! He yelled at his band to get ready, 'cuz the fight was on!

Paula let loose with a blast of PK Freeze, knocking over the drummer. She followed up with PK Fire, taking down the two guitarists. Mike McCready, the bassist, grabbed one of the guitars and hit Paula over the head with it. She was knocked out. Jeff ran over and used his Super Taser, which shocked everyone in the theatre except Mr. T and Eddie.

Now the real battle began. Mr. T lunged at Eddie, who barely dodged out of the way. Eddie tried to get Mr. T in a headlock, but Mr. T elbowed him in the gut, shouting "Foo!" as he did so. Eddie fell over, and Mr. T legdropped him.

As the battle raged on, Giygas watched with interest. Mr. T was clearly a formidable opponent, but who knew that Eddie Vedder had a hidden talent for fighting? This could be the greatest act in the world!

Right away, Giygas stopped the fight and gave Mr. T a job offer he couldn't refuse: to run on the stage every night, and fight with Eddie. Mr. T thought about it, then gave his answer:

"I pity da foo who gives me a job!"

Then he used his Super T Punch on Giygas, who was knocked out of existence!

Eddie Vedder and the members of Pearl Jam stood up and looked around. The theatre was in shambles and the audience was either gone or dead, and Mr. T had beaten all of them up. They successfully sued for 600 trillion dollars, which isn't much in the Eagleland economy. Mr. T was heard to comment, "Gettin' to beat up that jibba-jabba jive-talkin' Giygas was worth it!"

Meanwhile, the driver of the bulldozer that ran over Ness turned out to be Eric Idle, who used the video clip he made for a new Batman movie.