=========================CHAPTER ONE===========================

It was a peaceful morning in a peaceful country-side city in a peaceful town. Everything that seemed to be peaceful, in fact, was. It was only about 5 AM and no one, but the police and one over excited Wal-Mart shopper, were awake and coherent. Dogs who, like humans, also sleep at night, were asleep. Everything was all-in-all, peaceful.

This is why no one was, at all, in a bit of easy-mindedness(except for that one Wal-Mart shopper!) when a giant explosion rocked the city. Screams of terror and "Terror!" flew through the town, yet no one has seen the culprit.

"Who?" thought some unassuming local guy, "Who would make a loud boom at 5 AM?!"

Well, the truth of the matter was that there was no matter in the truth. It was, in fact, the phase distorter returning to the place where it (thought it) came from.

All at once, one little pink ball emerged from the craft. Never has any of these folk seen a ship of such....sleek roundness! Never has anything been this smart since the very first caveboy, who, within the walls of his cave, wrote the first poetry that sounded like this:

'Oh lovely maiden we call sun that hovers o'er me!

And that poetry, coincidently, was written in the shape of a man attacking a stag with a large blunt object.

People rushed to Ness' house almost immediately. Hero they cried and hero they wanted, but Hero made it perfectly clear that Hero won't come down until he finished his steak breakfast.

"Ugh" thought Ness, "I wish they would leave me alone for 10 minutes. They can't even swat a fly without me taking a crack at it with a bat."

Ness had reason to grunt and whine. Especially after the Agerate birthday party last year. The piñata incident would live in his mind forever.

Finally, Ness opened the door. To his surprise, all he saw was a lovely white garden fence and trees. He thought this rather odd, and went back to work with his food. Again, commotion at the front door. This time, Ness, with bat in hand, nonchellantly walked towards the door. He creaked it open then ran outside screaming something that sounded like "Hooobaloogaaala!" and then making inappropiate use of the word "Hickory".

Still nothing.

Ness went all about, to Pokey's house, to where the meteorite had crashed that fateful night 6 years ago, to the library, to the newly-built Ness statue, to the bathroom where he rested for a bit, and finally to the police station. This is where he found everyone had been tied up.

"What happened?" Asked Ness.

"Mrrmph di mrph!" cried someone, who had tape over their mouth.

Ness took the tape off.

"What did you say?"

"Mrrmph di mrph!" said the man, "What I meant to say was, it was the fat boy. No, not Pokey, another fat boy that came and tied all but one up!"
"Describe the fatty to me" Ness said, who suddenly remembered playing detective with a tree when he was 8.

"Well, he waddled like a pirate, had flat arms, he had an orange mouth, and orange feet...oh! And he was wearing a tuxedo."

"Umm..this wouldn't be a penguin, would it?" asked Ness.
"If that's what you call them!"

"This isn't going anywhere" said Ness, who felt this wasn't going anywhere, "There must be some clues..."

With that, Ness found a clue literally, right under his nose. He must not have noticed the wind blow the piece of paper at his feet.

Ness read the paper.

You want girl? BOING! You bring jelly to waterfall!

"Girl?" thought Ness, "What girl?"

Ness turned the paper over.
"OH!" said Ness.

If you no not girl i talk

With that, Ness, who looked for any stray cops along the way, went to the direction of Tuscon.

========================END OF CHAPTER ONE=====================