Earthbound: Hyper Delicous Halloween Edition! a slightly funky fanfic by IceTyger (icetyger@strangefusion.com) (Our story begins in the quiet town of Onett, during that magically delicous night known as Halloween... as if you already didn't know...) *Ness walks into the living room dressed as... himself* Ness: Mom, I'm ready to go trick-or-treating! Mrs. Lee: Okay, I... you don't have a costume! It's a Lee family tradition to wear a really cool costume during Halloween! Ness: But I am, see? I'm Ness Lee, one of the Chosen Four who defeated Gigyas, saved the world, and ordered countless pizzas using his bottomless ATM account! Mrs. Lee: Well, the Great Lee Family Book of Traditions and Stuff doesn't say anything about being someone famous who happens to be yourself, so I guess you can go! Ness: Woohoo! I'm gonna get lots of candy and stuff! *there's several knocks at the door, and Mrs. Lee answers it* Jeff, Paula, and Poo: TRICK OR TREEEEAT! Mrs. Lee: I.. see... so, you're all going as the Chosen Four? Jeff: Exactly, seeing as how it's the most cost-effective idea! Paula: Yeah, and seeing as how we're all kinda broke, it's the best idea ever! Mrs. Lee: Well, can you at least put pillowcases over your heads? You could be the HAUNTED Chosen Four! Ness: Moooom.... Paula: That sounds like a great idea! Mrs. Lee: ALL RIGHT! My son won't have to go as his fashionably challenged self, and neither will his friends! Now you all come in while I fetch some pillowcases, okay? *runs off* Jeff: Your mom really likes Halloween... Ness: Tell me about it. Last year she made me dress as Link from The Legend of Zelda... Paula: So, that was YOU that toilet papered the preschool? Ness: ...no, I think that was some other Link. Paula: And was that your mom dressed asa giant Mr. Saturn throwing eggs at the windows? Ness: *turns red* Umm, err... MOM! Have you found the pillowcases yet? Mrs. Lee: *from in another room* No, not yet. Why don't you tell your friends about last Halloween, when we TPed that preschool and pelted it with eggs! Paula: Grrr.... *SMAAASHes Ness in the head with a frying pan* Ness: OWWW! *falls down* Mrs. Lee: Okay, found them! And here is a pair of scissors to cut holes in them so you can see! Paula: Thanks Mrs. Lee! *waves the scissors threateningly* (An hour or so later...) Poo: All right! Time to trick and/or treat! Ness: Umm, that's trick-OR-treat... Poo: Whaaat? In Dalaam, we allow people to have a choice! They can be tricked, or get treats, or get both! Ness: ...oooookay then... let's go! *They walk to the Minches* Ness: Hello! *rings the doorbell* Mr. Minch: *happily* Why hello, would you like some... NESS LEE? Ness: Nestle? I'd love some Nestle! Mr. Minch: For Pete's sake, first I loan your father millions of dollars which, unbeknownst to me, leads to my son's eventual downfall, and now his bratty kid and his friends WANT SOME CANDY? Jeff: Of course! Mr. Minch: ...GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!! Ness: But... we're outside... Mr. Minch: THEN GET IN MY HOUSE!!!!! Ness: Sorry, we're actually kind of busy trick-or-treating... Mr. Minch: AAAAAAAARGH!!! *passes out* Paula: ...so, can we have some candy? Ness: Let's just take some candy before he wakes up, okay? Paula, Jeff, and Poo: Sure! *take all of the candy* (And soooo, the trick (and/)or treating began! A while later...) Ness: Wow, there sure are a lot of different costumes... Paula: It's too bad all the little kids dressed up as Pikachu, though. Ness: Yeah, I thought they'd be getting unpopular these days... hey! We're already at Saturn Valley! *they go up and knock on a door, and a Mr. Saturn walks out* Mr. Saturn: yOu WaNt cAnDy, BoInG? Ness: Yes! Mr. Saturn: kAy-O! *somehow hands them each a Peanut Cheese Bar* Poo: Ugh, not these things... they give me terrible gas! Mr. Saturn: yOu WaNt GaS? kAy-O. *pulls out a hose and sprays Poo with gasoline* Poo: Ack! Let's go to Fourside already! (And so, they leave for Fourside... but stop in Dusty Dunes Desert along the way, of course!) Pancho: Hey kid! Want to play the slot machine? We have a special Halloween deal! Ness: Reeeeally? Pancho: Yes, reeeeally!If you give us a piece of candy, and win, you'll win A WHOLE BUNCH OF CANDY! Ness: Whoa! Let's play once or twice! (An hour and three bags of candy later) Pancho: *munching candy* Close, but try again! Mmm, Nestle... Ness: We're.... out of candy... Paula: Okay, let's see... YOU GAVE HIM ALL OUR CANDY!!! AAAAGH! *SMAAASHes Ness with the frying pan once again* Ness: D'OH! *falls down* (Another near-fatal concussion later...) Ness: Stupid Foursidians, they sure don't know how to take a joke... Poo: Especially when you try to PSI Rockin' the Runaway Five... Ness: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I was trying to get rid of an elf assassin on Lucky's shoulder! Poo: ...elf assassin? Have you been eating too many Peanut Cheese Bars? Ness: No, really! The elves were going to assassinate the Runaway Five, thus throwing the fragile economy of Eagleland out of balance and sending the world into CHAOS and DARKNESS!!! Paula: Umm... *unmasks Ness* that's a good reason for his strange behaviour... Jeff: GASP! He has a mushroom on his head! Ness: DrRrRrRrR... I AM A BUBBLE MONKEY PIKACHU! Poo: I guess we need to find a healer... Jeff: GASP! Hospitals close on Halloween! Paula: No prob... *yanks the mushroom from Ness's head and puts it in her pocket* Now, when it opens tomorrow, I can sell this and make enough money to buy enough candy to replace the stuff Ness gambled away... Ness: Oww... say, why do I have a gaping hole in my head? Paula: *STAREs at Jeff and Poo* Jeff and Poo: NO REASON! Paula: ^_^ Ness: Oh, okay. Let's keep tricking (and/)or treating, then! (And so, they did... from Summers, to Winters, Scaraba, and to their final stop, Dalaam...) Ness: All right! We're so loaded on candy! Let's get more here at Dalaam! Poo: Umm, Ness? According to Dalaamian customs, we do not give out candy, we give out steaming hot curry. Ness: Aww, nuts. I *hate* curry! Poo: Too bad, we're stopping here anyway. *Ness knocks on a door* Ness: Trick or treeeat! Dalaamian: Whaaaat? Ness: I said, TRICK OR TREEEAT! Dalaamian: Aagh! GUARD! GUARD! Guard: What seems to be the trouble? Dalaamian: This young man is oppressing my freedom of speech! Ness: What? I only said trick or treat... Guard: And didn't give this poor man a choice to do both? You should be ashamed! Now, come with me... Ness: What? AAAGH! *is dragged off to jail* Paula: ...aww well, too bad. Let's go home and eath this candy! Jeff and Poo: WOO HOO! (And so, they so verily went home to eat candy and watch monster movies... but what happened to Ness?) Ness: Aww man, jail stinks! reidman: Tell me about it. Ness: What are you in here for? reidman: Ehh, I used a signature on the IF board... man, that Anthadd is strict sometimes... IceTyger: Tell me about it... reidman: What? You're supposed to be narrarating! What are you doing here? IceTyger: Well, Anthadd got bored and decided to dispach guards to beat me within an inch of my life.. want me to do the outro now? Ness: Go for it, man. IceTyger: I will! *ahem* And so ends another Halloween night in the land of Eagleland.... say, do you guys play Connect 4? Ness: DO I! I love Connect 4! ~FINI *Mr.T SMAAASHes through the screen* Mr.T: Why ain't I in this fanfic, foo'? IceTyger: Well, I totally forgot to... Mr.T: ENOUGH OF YO' JIBBA JABBA! *tosses Ice* IceTyger: WAAAAGH! THE END Gigyas: I wanted to be in this fanfic! IceTyger: Gigyas, you're dead. Gigyas: Aww, poopy. THE END NOW... REALLY.