Prologue

In the port town of Toto, rain pours unrelentlessly. Interestingly enough, it is sunny and warm just a few feet away in Summers. A boat pulls up to the dock.
"Get ready, men!" the Captain shouted as the boat approached. "The ruler and protractor boat in coming!"
The boat came to a stop, and the crew was all set to board and unload it's cargo or mathematical measuring devices, but as they entered the ship, they found it was empty!
A voice came from the darkness of the cargo hold. "Sorry, mi amigos. No longer will Eagleland know what angles things are, and such. Ha ha ha!"
"Who are you? Get out of there!" shouted the Captain. The figure slowly came out of the darkness. "What? No! Get away from me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

WHO WRANGLES THE ANGLES?
or
THE RULER OF RULERS!
by Moondoggey

Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo were in Ness's house, watching television, as they were known to do. There was a news report on the recent shortage of rulers and protractors.
"Who cares about those?" asked Ness. "They were so useless on our adventure. I'm sure their absence will have little to no effect on society."

Five minutes later...

"Boy was I wrong," Ness said as he watched the rioting outside. Somebody screamed something about not knowing how long his index finger is before running into the hotel. Frank Fly protected the burger shop by fending off the hungry masses with a pickle and a sock. The police station was on fire, but Chief Strong was too busy beating Liar X. Agerate to death. "This is terrible! We have to get to the bottom of this!"
"We can get to the bottom of this a little later," said Paula. "Seinfeld is almost on."

Thirty minutes later...

"Tee hee, that Kramer" Poo chuckled softly to himself as the gang made their way through the chaos in the Monotoli Building. "Mr. Monotoli is a big busines guy," said Ness. "He'll know how to fix this crisis!"
The kids walked into Monotoli's office. It was completely looted. In the corner of the room, Mr. Monotoli sat in his underpants huddled underneath a huge stuffed bear.
Paula aproached slowly. "Mr. Monotli? It's me, Paula. Remember? The young and spunky pink-clad little girl that you kidnapped and grew to love? Are you alright?"
Monotoli opened his mouth to speak. "Paula? You are not Paula. Paula's dead!"
"No I'm not. I'm right here!"
Monotoli looked up. "Oh! I guess you are alive! Good to see you kids! What's happening?"
"Well," Jeff began. "Society has crumbled because of a measurement tool shortage. We were hoping you could help us to save Eagleland because you have such a high social standing."
"Well," said Monotoli, "I do remember that ruler and protractor stock fell rapidly, but it fell first in Twoson. Perhaps the tools are in Twoson! Let's hurry!" Mr. Monotoli jumped up, eager to join the kids on their adventure, but suddenly realized he was only wearing boxer shorts and a tie.
After a quick stop at the Fourside Department Store's clothing department, the gang, along with corporate bigwig Mr. Monotoli, arrived in Twoson. Jeff whipped out a strange looking device, covered in duct tape, wires, and blinking lights.
"This is a ruler detecting machine," he said. "It will lead us to the stockpile of stolen rulers and protractors." Jeff flipped a switch on the machine, and it sputtered to life. Jeff began to walk south, and the blinking lights slowed down. He walked north, and they sped up. Excited, Jeff ran as fast as he could north, as the machine blinked and blinked faster and faster, until-
*WHUMP!*
Jeff had run into a building. He looked up, and saw that it was Paula's home, the Polestar Preschool.
Paula ran up behind Jeff. "What's going on?" she demanded, as she walked up to the front porch. Paula banged on the door, and a small boy with a baseball cap and a Pokemon shirt opened it.
"Hola, Paula," said the boy.
"Chris! What are you doing? You don't speak Spanish!"
"Ummm...yeah I do."
"Oh yeah? Since when"
"Uhhh, I gotta go!" The youngster slammed the dor and ran inside.
"I'll handle this!" shouted Ness dramatically. He bounded up to the porch, and ran full force towards the door, intending to break it down. *WHUMP!* Ness was on the ground, rubbing a large bump on his head.
Poo calmly walked up to the door, turned the knob, and opened it. "It wasn't locked, Ness."
The heroic teens and their adult companion burst into the living room of the preschool, and they saw a towering pile of rulers and protractors, bursting with centimeters and angles and mathematics. Near the pile was the captain from Toto port, bound and gagged to a chair. On the other side of the tower was an assembly line of small children, boxing up the math tools and placing price tags on them that read "Protractors and Rulers-$1,000,000,000."
Ness ran over to the Captain and untied him. "Who did this to you?" asked Ness dramatically. "What foul, sinister being could commit such a heinous crime?"
And then, a voice came from the top of the protractor tower.
"Hi, I'm Pincho." Then, another voice chimed in.
"Hi, I'm Poncho." And then, a third.
"Hi, I'm Thomas Jefferson." Jeff was struck with a realization! These were the three men who acted as a slot machine in the Dusty Dunes Desert! They took over $200 from Ness on their adventure!
"The slot machine guys?" said Ness, dumbfounded. "Captain, these are the guys you were so afraid of?"
"I'm recovering from a gambling addiction," the captain admitted.
"Well, I bet you $100 that we can defeat these guys!"
"DEAL!"
Ness's wager was interrupted by the booming voice of Pincho. "We stole Eagleland's measuring equipment so that we could sell it all to Japan at outrageous prices! And there is nothing you kids can do to stop us! Right now our Ruler/Protractor-Send-To-Japan-A-Ma-Bob is ready to ship our supplies to Japan!" Pincho pointed to a huge metal contraption in the corner, being filled the to brim with boxes of rulers and protractors.
"You'll never get away with this, you dastardly desert dwellers!" shouted Jeff. The others stood there staring at him for a few moments. "That was for effect," he added.
The three gambling brothers each drew swords from their belts, then put spikes on the ends of their swords, and each one added a large laser weapon to the hilt of their knives.
"Prepare to do battle!" shouted Poncho. "I hope that you all die honorably."
The comrades were poised to attack, but suddenly their huge Ruler/Protractor-Send-To-Japan-A-Ma-Bob ran out of power and ceased to operate.
"What happened?" asked Thomas Jefferson, dumbfounded.
Then, everyone turned around, and saw Poo in the corner, twirling the cord that connected the machine to it's power source in his hands.

Later, at the Onett Police Station...

Pincho, Poncho, and Thomas Jefferson are being locked away. "I would've gotten away with it," said Poncho scornfully, "if it hadn't been for those lousy kids...and their businessman..."
"You kids did a fine job." Said Chief Strong. "Sorry, Ness, about brutally beating you that one time."
"That's alright, chief!" Ness said. "The important thing is that Pincho, Poncho, and Thomas Jefferson couldn't...MEASURE UP! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

The End