Ness Goes To America

(Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo teleport to America)

Paula: So this is America!

Jeff: That is correct, Paula.  

Poo: Where are we in this...America?

Ness: I think we're in...uhhhh...ummmm...Jeff?

Jeff: We are currently in America.

Ness & Paula: But where in America?!

Jeff: I'm afraid that I do not know our current location.

Poo: That, as Americans say, "sucks."

Ness: American's say that?  Weird!

Paula: So, what language do they speak here?

Jeff: Spanish.

Ness: Darn, I only speak English.

Paula: Maybe we'll get lucky and meet some Eaglelanders.

Ness:I'm hungry, let's try and find a burger shop.

Paula: Hmmm...there's a "Burger King" over there.

Jeff: And there is a picture of a burger at the "McDonalds."

Ness: O.K., of to..."McDonalds."

(The kids walk in)

Poo: Ness, are you sure that you have $18 for each of us to have juice and burgers?

Ness: Yep!

Employee: Like, can I totally take your order?

Ness: 4 burgers and 4 cans of fruit juice.

(Employee brings them the food)

Employee: Like, that will totally be $9.

Ness, Paula, Jeff, & Poo: WHAT?!

Ness: You must have that wrong, I wanted 4 burgers, and 4 cans of fruit juice!

Employee: No, It's like, totally right.  Like, totally check out the prices.

Ness: What the heck is "Coke-a-Cola?"

Jeff: Well, the employee is correct in tabulating the price.

(Ness pays, they eat and leave)

Paula: That was weird.  Wanna go into peoples houses?

Ness: Sure!  Let's go!

(The kids go into somebody's house)

Woman: AHHHHHH!  Henry!  Help!

Man: What are you doing?!  Get out or I'll call the police!

Jeff: Look!  Presents!

(Jeff and Poo open all the presents)

Poo: By what manner of a beast is a "Barbie Doll?"

Girl: MOMMY!  HE TOOK MY PRESENTS!

Woman: Those were for my daughter!

Ness: Well, there are no hamburgers in the trash either.  Let's go.

Man: The police are on their way!

(Doorbell rings)

Ness, Paula, Jeff & Poo: AHHHHHHHHHHH!  WHAT WAS THAT?!

(Police Officer walks in)

Police Officer: You kids are coming with me!

Ness: O.K., I know the drill...

(Ness hits the police officer over the head with a baseball bat)

(The police officer falls over)

Paula: Let's go, Ness.  I hear they have great dept. stores in America.

(The kids are in a department store)

Paula: I can't believe it!  A teddy bear for $30!

Ness: Let's go to the ATM, we'll need a few hundred dollars for the "Motel 6."

Ness: O.K., I took $75,000 from the ATM!

(A burglar comes from behind)

Burglar: Give me that money.

Ness: But it's mine!

(The burglar draws a gun)

Paula: Eek!  Don't worry Ness!

(Paula holds the teddy bear in front of the gun)

Burglar: What?

Paula: Get him, Jeff!

(Jeff fires a bottle rocket at the burglar)

Burglar: OW OW OW OW OW!  Forget it, you kids ain't no fun to stick up.

Jeff: I don't quite like America...

Ness: Same here.  Let's go.

Paula: SO SOON?!

Poo: I agree.  We should spend more time here.

Ness: O.K.  Let's go to that record store.

(Ness is talking to the employee)

Ness: Do you have to new Runaway Five album, "Last Bus To Fourside?"

Employee: Fourside?

Ness: In Eagleland.

Employee: Eagleland?

Ness: On Earth.

Employee: Fourside?

Ness: Do you know how many fingers I'm holding up?

Emplyee: Eagleland?

Ness: Guys, we're going!

(Ness and the gang are in a pet store)

Pet Store Owner: OUT!  I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!

Paula: But I thought that it was a Spiteful Crow converted to Happy-Happyism.

Pet Store Owner: CROW?!  IT WAS A BLUEJAY!  

Paula: Ness, let's go!

(The kids are in an electronics store)

Jeff: But kind sir, I was merely trying to reverse the polarity of the G-Diffuser to ensure continuous maximum speed and quality of the product in question.  I insist that you apoligize.

Store Owner: Me apoligize?!  That loose remote controlled car already cost me $52,000 in damages!

Jeff: Well, I could fix those holes in a moment, but if you insist on being so rude...

(The kids are at a hair salon)

Poo: I can not be held responsible for this.

Stylist: Do you know how hard it is to make a ponytail like that on 56 customers?!

Poo: I am afraid that I do not.

Ness: Poo, let's go.

Paula: Where are we going, Ness?

Ness: Tell her, Jeff!

Jeff: We are going to France, Paula.

Paula: France?  Why?

Jeff: We think that they will be kinder to tourists than Americans.

Ness: Let's go!  I feel like I have to "Oui, Oui!" already!

(The kids teleport away)

The End