By:
It was a lovely Sunday morning in Fourside. Everdred, however, was all business. In just a few hours from that time, he and Mr. T would be in Winters to search for Mrs. Andonuts. He decided to jog his way to the Fourside Bakery for a multitude of reasons. Mr. T lived above the bakery, Everdred loved a good jog, and he hadn't ate all day. As soon as he walked in, he saw Mr. T munching on a sandwich.
"Hey, T. Look, we've got a case. It's all the way in Winters this time. From the outset, we'll be searching for a lost woman; Mrs. Andonuts. I got us a flight booked, and it departs in a few hours. You game?"
"Man, I don't fly. You're going without me this time."
This was a highly disturbing revelation. Everdred didn't want to tackle an entire investigation on his own.
"T, that's disappointing, but I'm not going to let you cop out of this one."
"What'd you say, foo?"
Before Mr. T could muster the slightest move, Everdred knocked the guy out cold with a nearby lucky sandwich.
"How ironic."
Everdred lugged the incoherent Mr. T, along with some baggage, to the airport, and eventually on a plane. Nobody asked Everdred why he was carrying such a massive, "out of the loop" 80's star over his shoulder, and Everdred even copped a few Zs while using his T pillow. After they arrived, Everdred picked Mr. T back up, and used the guy as protection from the falling snow as Everdred made his way to the Andonuts Lab. That must've been one humongo lucky sandwich. Then, right before the front door could be opened, a cave man trotted out.
"Can I help you gents?"
Now, it's imperative to remember that Mr. T was still out cold, and Everdred had to address the massive cave man as aggressively as he could. It's not that Everdred wasn't aggressive, but that cave man was wicked nasty, and Everdred thought he'd make use of Mr. T as long as he could. Everdred sat Mr. T up, and he began to unleash the greatest puppet act of his life. He was horrid at throwing his voice, and a complete imbecile would actually believe Mr. T was concsious, but Everdred didn't care. This cave man didn't look too bright, and even an unconscious Mr. T is downright daunting. As Mr. T was propped up, the cave man addressed them again.
"Ahem, you chaps just going to sit there, or will you answer my query?"
Everdred puckered his lips, and began the Mr. T immitation to fool the cave dweller.
"Foos, get outsta my way before I go medieval on your prehistoric butt."
"Prehistoric? My gold chain-favoring friend, I assure you that I'm not prehistoric, and I really cannot fathom a reason for all of these hostilities. You Eagleland blokes really have your share of fits."
Fearing that he may have made a fool out of himself and the incoherently incorrigible Mr. T, Everdred got desperate. "That be it, foo. Prepare for the pain!"
Everdred picked up Mr. T and lobbed him at the cave man. Mr. T landed safely in the cave man's arms as he awoke.
"Psst, Dred. What am I doing in this crazy man's arms?"
"Uh, he knocked you out, kidnapped, and brought you here on a plane, T. Take care of business."
Sure enough, Mr. T scrapped the innocent cave man as if he ate the last Hot Pocket. After some quick hog tying, Everdred began some aggressive questioning outside of the laboratory.
"Now you listen to me, slime ball. Where's Mrs. Andonuts!?"
"What? Dr. Andonuts hired me to bring them doughnuts, keep the lab clean, and make sure Jeff's bed sheets are less unsavory. They brought me in because Mrs. Andonuts was away, you dolts. Oh, and I didn't kidnap your friend."
"Liar! I don't know about the whole butler claim, but of course you kidnapped my friend." An angry Mr. T turned towards Everdred.
"Dred, you told me about going to Winters before I zonked out. You, you got me on that dang plane, didn't you? You know I don't like planes. You're gonna pay this time, Everdred."
Everdred grimaced before one of the most miraculous things happened. Before Mr. T could raise his arm, a meteorite fell from the heavens. As the collective group of Everdred, Mr. T, and the cave man watched, a distinguished-looking bee popped up out of the meteorite. Great, another bee craft, and just before he was about to catch a beating from Mr. T. However, before any violence occurred, the bee turned to Mr. T
"You, Mr. T. I've come from ten years in the future to reveal your future. In the future, this world is nothing but devastation to mysterious-looking pseudo insects/80's stars. I fear that the only way to save my present and your future, would be to have you..." Then, it happened. Before the bee could continue, it fell to the ground. Frozen. Little did the buzzing wonder know, Winters was dang cold, and the little guy obviously didn't pack enough warm apparel to thrive in such a climate. A disturbed Mr. T didn't know what to make of the situation.
"Boss, partner, Dred, whatever; looks like I've got to handle this. I don't know how, but someone's depending on me, and I gotta deliver. Handle this foo and this case on your own. As of now, the T's got bigger fish to fry."
With that, Everdred lost his second partner in essentially two cases. Although Mr. T would get a minimal severance package, things were pretty much settled, and Everdred didn't feel like fighting. He knew Mr. T had to figure out what was in store for the future of 80's stars, and he let the man on his way. Since Mr. T really didn't want anything to do with planes, he did the next best thing. He caressed the meteor/time machine, and he zipped off into parts unknown. Nobody saw him again in Winters around that time, but methinks I could hear the sounds of "sucka" being echoed through the trees. Anywho, Everdred wasn't done with the cave man, and he wasn't about to have a mowhawk-induced goodbye prevent him from solving this case.
"OK, I believe you, but I'm going to need some help here. Do you even know who Mrs. Andonuts is?"
"I've been sworn to secrecy."
"Wha?"
"Yeah, but I'll give you a hint. You wouldn't think there'd be a snowflake there." Before Everdred could do much more, the cave man ran off to never be seen again. Quite an odd fellow, but Everdred obviously wasn't at the top of his game. Not only did he have horrible jet lag, but the guy seemingly flipped out on an innocent butler by some crude T puppeteering. The man didn't know exactly what to do, but he knew there must've been some answers behind the door in the lab. Everdred finally proceeded.
"Anyone home?"
*Poot!*
"Heh, guess not."
With his odd brand of crude behavior still not finished, Everdred made his way to what appeared to be two corpses. It was Jeff and Dr. Andonuts. Their bellies appeared to be swollen. Everdred kicked Jeff's body.
"Oh grand, another one of you unpolite Yanks kicking down the door and defiling the place with your various odors. Do everyone a favor and leave." Dr. Andonuts, who was also alive, nodded.
"Kid, I thought you were dead, and I was about to chase me down that cave man again. Now, be a good sport. Tell me what you know of Mrs. Andonuts disappearing."
"Do shut up. I'm sorry I wasn't more polite to you earlier, Everdred. However, you must understand I've just partaken in quite the doughnut binge with my father, Dr. Andonuts. With the Foreman Grill as the last great invention, there's really not much else for us inventors to do. So we called you in to bring my other parental unit in because this has become quite the pig sty, and we just fired our cave man butler because we thought it'd be cheaper just to pay you to find the woman. Problem is, we don't even remember her name."
"Some scientists. Look, the cave dude said she wasn't in a place there was snow or something. I'm about to book it to Summers because it's hot there, and gosh darnit, these past few cases have been stressful."
"Your belly-aching is doing nothing but make mine feel queezy. Just go out and solve this thing now. Oh, and if would be so kind as to pick up some Pepto before you come back here, I'd appreciate it."
"The things I do for my clients."
Everdred knew the only money-driven part of Winters was up North. After rampaging through some of Brick Road's old stomping grounds, catching a ride on Tessie, and passing through some of those creepy Tessie watchers, Everdred arrive at the mini mall that had replaced the store, "Best Friend".
After picking up Jeff's order for something to relieve his stomach, Everdred noted a huge scrolling marquee sign from the local Snowflake Theater. The sign read "VENUS! Opening Act: Mesquito Rat". Something was obvious to Dred as he spoke to himself.
Everdred went on his merry own way before being stopped by the familiar-looking cave man.
"You again? What are you doing? Get away from me. I'm booking a little flight to Summers as soon as I get back to the lab; leave me be." The cave man sighed.
"Just don't get it, do you? Here, take this Venus show ticket, and take in a show before you head anywhere." In a flash, the cave man was gone again. Everdred had another Dredlicious self-monologue.
"I can't fathom how this is possible, but I think Mrs. Andonuts is the cave man butler." After downing the whole bottle of Pepto accidentally, Everdred went inside the theater, and he saw Venus closing with her final song.
"MR. BOJANGLES...MR. BOJANGLES; dance!"
"So, that's what she was singing! You can have your Shanias and your Chers; VENUS IS A DELIGHT."
After the show was over, Everdred approach the Twoson songbird with hopes of getting an autograph.
"Say, Venus, I'm originally from Twoson too. What do you say you give me an autograph?" Venus, sparkling as if she was still on stage, turned around.
"Drop dead." Doh! Everdred thought he squandered a great opportunity, but he saw something strange. The cave man was on the cat walk pointing at Venus. Everdred, who thought he'd impress Venus with some great lighting work, shined the spotlight on the cave man, blinding him in the process. The blind cave man lost his balance, and fell down a projected seventy feet after falling off the cat walk. Venus looked stunned.
"Why'd you do that?"
"Beats me. Shame I think I killed or seriously wounded Mrs. Andonuts, though."
"What? I'm Mrs. Andonuts, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't harm me, freak."
That hit Everdred like a ton of bricks, but the jet lag was still affecting him.
"Can I interest you in a fish sandwich?" The man could gulp down a full bottle of Pepto, but he couldn't wrap up this case, and bring Winifred "Venus" Andonuts back home. What a day.
"No. Why are you here? Who sent sent you?" Everdred briefly came back to his senses.
"Your son and husband. You see, they paid me because they wanted you to return, and, quite frankly, they forgot your name and whereabouts.
"Figures. They want me back, huh? Well, I've been out on the road for awhile, and sure, I'd love to come back home. Who needs a career when you can sit at home, making plenty of homemade doughnuts for the two wackiest scientists in the world?"
"Right. Let's roll." Rather than taking the usual Tessie route to land on the South end of Winters, Venus and Everdred loaded up on her private helicopter; departing for the Andonuts Lab. They weren't greeted too kindly.
"Where's my Pepto?" Jeff was looking pretty rough. Rough and downright bloated.
"You've got a lot of audacity, kid. I risk life and limb, and rack my mind to find your mom. This is how you're going to treat me? Go invent a digestion neutralizer or something, punk. I'm going home."
Everdred didn't want to hang around that laboratory much longer. With the Andonuts men acting like nothing but glorified sloths, he could only imagine how the disfunctional but successful family was treating each other. Everdred arrived in Fourside after another rough trip. He spoke to Electra about his wackiest, least hostile case of his short career.
"Mr. T flew away on a meteorite, Venus is actually Mrs. Andonuts, and a cave man basically solved the case for you?" Electra's jaw dropped.
"Well when you put it like that; yes, I suppose that's exactly what happened."
"And we're still getting paid?"
"Yeah, despite the fact that I wanted to do the thing for free since it was for another one of those Chosen Four kids, the Andonuts family has agreed to pay. Investigating; what a profession."
Everdred slept for about three straight days. After the long lull, though, he was greeted with another of those great Electra phone calls.
"Yes, Electra?"
"Dred, we got a big case here. Apparently, someone has hijacked Brick Road's "Dungeon Man" body, and they've been bringing some chaos to Scaraba. Looks like a job for you. Brick Road says he'll pay plenty to bring his "Dungeon Man" body and peace back to the area."
"Great, I'll do it. See you soon."
"OK, boss."
What has the man gotten himself into? The guy faced a pretty big cakewalk assignment in the "missing Mrs. Andonuts" case, but Everdred was finally able to get through a case without the help of a sidekick. Sure he had some cave manlicious help, but it's not like the guy wasn't brave. He was getting read to tackle the biggest case of his life, and he knew the score. A dangerously hot climate, roaming Kraken, and yes, the occasional Pokey remains. All of that stuffage didn't matter to Everdred, though. It's not like he's going to strap on some meteorite and fly away anytime soon.