CHAPTER XII: Saturn Valley
Ness paced nervously around in the cell. His patience was wearing thin, and the air in this dank room was stuffy.
"Are you sure he's coming?" He asked Paula.
"Yeah," She replied. The choking dust and heat in the room had plastered her hair to her face. "I can feel it."
Ness brooded for a few more minutes. Suddenly, he heard a slightly high-pitched wail.
"He'll probably be here any ti-" Paula started.
"Shhh!" Ness cut her off. "Hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Listen..."
The wail began to get louder...and louder...and louder. Soon, it sounded like a thousand dying pigs were massed above them.
"Get back!" Ness shouted, tackling the girl and pressing her against the wall.
A large, silver UFO crashed through the roof. There was a small explosion as the crumpled mass hit the floor. Ness made his way warily towards it.
To his surprise a young boy, not any younger than him, emerged from the wreckage. He wore a school's uniform, and was covered in soot from head to toe. He coughed twice.
"J...Jeff?" Ness asked dumbly.
"Correct," The boy said, dusting himself off. "I am Jeff Andonuts. You must be Ness and Paula. I came because you called me. I'm not very strong, not very fast, nearsighted, and sort of a coward, but I hope you'll have me along on your trip."
Ness laughed, holding out his hand. "The more the merrier."
Jeff shook the aforementioned hand, and looked around. "Now, what seems to be the problem?" He asked in a busy tone.
Paula turned, and pointed at the door. "The door won't open. We're stuck in here while Giygas is getting stronger by the minute."
"Well couldn't you just...blow the door open?" Jeff asked. "I thought you guys had...you know...psychic powers."
"We do," Ness said, punching the door lightly. "But this room has some kind of effect that nulls our power."
"Well then, I brought a little gadget that just might do the trick."
He pulled the Bad Key Machine from his backpack. He walked over to the wall, and put a small rod sticking out into the keyhole. There was a short, whirring sound, and a click. The door swung open.
"Yeah!" Ness cried, patting Jeff on his sooty back. "You did it!"
"And now, let's grab a bite to eat at the pizza parlor, and you guys can explain the whole thing," Jeff replied.
"I think that's about it," Ness said around a bite of pizza. "I covered it all: the Sound Stone, the Sanctuaries, Buzz Buzz, Giygas, and the evil taking over this world. I have one question, Jeff. Are you in?"
The young boy pushed his glasses up on his nose. "The responsibility is huge," he mused. "But the fate of this planet is at stake. I have no choice."
"Paula," Ness turned to his female companion. "How did you KNOW that Jeff was the next one?"
"I don't know," She mumbled. "Remember how I said in Peaceful Rest Valley how I KNEW that the way to Threed was in Twoson?"
"Yeah,"
"Well, it's kind of the same inner sense, y'know?"
He nodded. "Well, now that it's all worked out, we still have to find a way to Grapefruit Falls." He unfolded his map. "There's an area to the south where some old circus equipment is stored. Maybe a path winds around to the Falls."
"Let's check it out!" Jeff said.
They wandered around the area, but the only thing of interest was a large purple canvas tent. As they approached it, Ness stopped in his tracks.
"What is it?" Jeff asked, looking around, and pulling his Pop Gun from his coat. "What's wrong?"
"There's a power here," He said, sweat popping out on his forehead. "It's pretty big, and coming from that tent."
"I feel it too," Paula said, her gaze narrowing on the purple tent.
Two large, yellow eyes and a huge, gaping maw sprouted on the side of the tent. The mouth had teeth at least a yard long, and the eyes burned cruelly.
"Get back!" Jeff shouted, letting off a shot from his gun. The canvas of the tent dented, but moved back into place.
The Boogey Tent let it's long, serpentine tongue slip out, wrapping around Ness' body. Lifting the young boy from the ground, it began to squeeze, tighter and tighter.
Ness screamed, feeling one of his ribs crack. He wiggled one arm free, and pointed it down at the Boogey Tent.
"PSI FLASH BETA!"
The concentrated blast of light took the Boogey Tent straight in the eyes. It roared, and dropped the boy. He thumped unceremoniously to the ground as Jeff ran towards the evil tent, lighting a Big Bottle Rocket.
"Eat this, you canvas creep!" He yelled, as the rocket raced towards its target. There was a huge, blinding explosion, and when the dust cleared, a few scraps of canvas were all that remained of the Boogey Tent.
"You search the remains," Paula told Jeff. "I'll see to Ness."
She ran over to the fallen boy, and knelt next to him.
"Are you okay?" She asked in a worried tone.
"Yeah," He said, wincing. "I'll be all right. PSI Lifeup Beta..."
He cried out once as the rib cracked back into place, then stood, dusting himself off.
"Hey, guys!" Jeff came running over, holding a bottle filled with a golden liquid. "Look what I found!"
Paula looked at her hand. "That tent drooled something on me while it held you, Ness," She mumbled. "It looks like that stuff. It's so sticky, I can't move my hand."
He pointed towards her. "PSI Healing..."
The gooey gel melted away, as Jeff held the bottle up. "100% Fly Honey," He read. "Made from the Famous Flies of Fourside, world renowned for their velvety Honey. Jeez, what in the name of pants is Fly Honey?"
"I don't know," Ness said to him. "But hold onto it, just in case. By the way, that Big Bottle Rocket you fired really saved the day!"
His glasses gleamed. "Thanks."
"Well," Paula said, sighing. "One thing's for sure. We haven't found another way to Grapefruit Falls..."
Suddenly, there was a strange ringing from Ness' backpack.
"What's that?" Jeff asked curiously. "The Sound Stone?"
"No...the Receiver Phone." Ness replied. He pulled out the cellular phone-looking thing, and clicked it open.
"Hello?" He said into the phone. "Apple Kid?"
A high voice crackled over the phone. "Ness?" It said. "All right! I'm calling to tell you about a new invention of mine. But before I do, how are you and Paula doing?"
"We're doing fine," He said. "And we've got a new friend named Jeff along for the journey."
"Well, extend my greetings to him then. Now, my new invention is called 'Zombie Paper'."
Ness stared blankly ahead as the words struck him.
"You know," Apple Kid went on. "Like Fly Paper, only for Zombies. I sent it by way of the Mach Pizza delivery man, so he's probably wandering around Threed trying to find you. Just look for a place to set the paper down--a tent should do nicely--and it will attract and capture all the Zombies in the area!"
Ness couldn't believe his ears. "Apple Kid, you're a genius!"
"I know," he said modestly. "That's why I'm an inventor. Goodbye! I'll call you later."
The boy put the phone away, and quickly explained the situation to his friends.
"But the problem is," Jeff said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I roasted the tent with my Big Bottle Rocket."
A short, stocky man in a pizza delivery uniform walked up to them, panting and sweating.
"Hey, you kids," he said. "I got this call from some weird kid...called himself 'Pineapple Kid', or something. He said to deliver this wacky crap to some kid named Ness. But I'm gonna do him one better, and give it to you, instead! Teach THAT kid who's boss!"
"Excuse me, sir..." Ness began.
"No buts, kid," The delivery man said. "I've made the decision that you're Ness. Now, I've done my duty, and delivered that little dude's whatchamajigger..."
He shoved a plastic capsule into his hands with the words "ZOMBIE PAPER: APPLE KID LABS INC." on one side.
"Sir," Ness inquired. "Is there a circus tent or anything around here?"
"Sure, there's the Threed World Circus, but the tent has been converted to the Threed Zombie Elimination Headquarters. It's straight north from here."
"Thank you, sir."
"No, thank you," he winked. "Ness."
When he was gone, Paula pointed a finger north.
"To the Circus!"
"Are you sure this will work?" A young woman asked. "I mean, this paper stuff will actually trap the Zombies?"
"Let's hope so," Ness mumbled, spreading the Zombie Paper on the floor of the tent. "Otherwise, Threed is history."
"Let's hope Apple Kid's invention is reliable!" Paula called from the other end of the tent, where she was also spreading paper.
"The general layout of the paper seems correct," Jeff mused, smoothing a corner of the paper. "This Apple Kid must be very good."
"He is," Ness said. "And by morning, we'll have a better Threed!"
The Threed Sunset Hotel had been cleared, and was open for business again. The three prophetic partners spent the night there. Jeff was up most of the night fixing his Broken Air Gun, remodeling it into the stronger Magnum Air Gun, capable of firing air at such a rate as to break through wood.
They woke the next morning, and traveled to the Circus tent.
Upon entry, the sight dazzled them--countless Zombies, lying stuck to the floor! They were moaning horribly, and cursing the humans.
The group decided that the Elimination Squad would do the rest.
"And the way to Grapefruit Falls is open!" Ness jubilantly called. The three friends raced to the graveyard, and found the two zombies gone. Without hesitation, they ran on towards a ladder descending into the depths.
Ness immediately brought forth a light ball to guide them. The trios pace slowed as they came to the ladder's bottom, and they found themselves descending a staircase. Jeff looked around at the shadows cast by Ness' psychic light ball.
"It's pretty gloomy down here," He mumbled half to himself.
Paula rushed ahead to a door at the end of the staircase. "Look!" She whispered urgently. "This must lead to Grapefruit Falls, and that's where the Zombie's leader is."
Jeff checked the door. "It's locked," he announced. "And the lock is too rusty for the Bad Key Machine."
Ness shrugged. "Well, then...PSI Rockin'!"
Raw energy crackled from his fingertips, ripping the door from it's hinges, and ending it flying as if it were no more than paper. A very surprised Jeff was completely dazzled.
"Whoa," he said simply, as they made their way through the broken doorway.
They kept walking for about fifteen minutes, until they came to another staircase, this time leading up. At the top, they met a small, blue, stinky pile with eyes and a small mouth. It belched at them.
"*belch!* Since I smelled Fly Honey when you entered, *buuurp!*, I thought you were a friend of Master Belch, but *buuurp!* you're just a common trespasser *BEEEELCH!*"
"Eew," Paula mumbled. "What is it?"
"I'm Master Belch's confidant!" The Slimy Little Pile said, followed by a tremendous burp. "Give me your Fly Honey! Master Belch's weakness for the Honey is legendary, and if I bring him some, I'll get a promotion!"
The full power of the belches caught the trio in the faces. They stench made them nauseous, and brought tears to their eyes.
Paula covered her mouth. "PSI *cough* Freeze Beta!"
The Slimy Little Pile became the Chilly Little Popsicle in about 3.5 seconds.
"Make a mental note," Jeff said between coughs, as they made their way towards the exit ladder. "Master Belch--legendary weakness for *cough* Fly Honey!"
They emerged in front of Grapefruit Falls. A tall man was selling food, and, Ness realized, he was hungry. He hadn't eaten since they were captured, and the strain of traveling and using his psychic powers were taking their toll. His backpack was also devoid of any food.
They each bought nutritious Calorie Sticks, and topped those off with cups of hot coffee. As they wandered down the road towards the Grapefruit Falls in the distance, the tall man caught up with them.
"Before you go any further," he said, pointing at a cave in the rock wall they were walking next to. "Go through that cave. When you come out the other side, there's a village with some...strange people. They're friendly and hospitable, and they have a funny accent."
"The village isn't on my map," Ness said, looking at the unfolded paper. "Just a big blank spot."
"You won't find Saturn Valley on any map," The man said. "But if you plan on going any further, you should stock up on supplies there." And with that, he vanished, leaving Ness, Paula, and Jeff to go through the cave.
When they left the cave from the other side, they found themselves in a strange canyon. Ahead, they saw a strange sight--a head, or what looked like a head. The head had two feet, but no legs, a huge nose with two long cat whiskers sticking out on each side, no arms, and a long hair on the top with a red bow tie on it.
"Excuse me..." Ness began warily.
"I am Mr. Saturn," The thing said in a funky accent. "In this place, all are Mr. Saturn. Doing! Zoom! You follow me!"
Ness and his two friends cautiously followed Mr. Saturn.
"...all are Mr. Saturn," Ness was saying.
"That must mean," Paula replied. "That all the people here are named Mr. Saturn."
"Great," Jeff said. "A village of walking, talking heads collectively known as Mr. Saturn."
The village of Saturn Valley was constructed of smooth stone houses, with pink walls and red cone roofs. Every Mr. Saturn looked exactly like the first as they toddled about the village.
"Listen," Ness asked the Mr. Saturn that they were with. "Is there a hotel that we can rest at?"
"Hotel?" The Mr. Saturn asked. "Ah, slumber place. You follow me, doing!
They once again tracked Mr. Saturn to one of the odd-shaped buildings. Inside, there was a row of seven beds, and a telephone, even a small machine that looked like a Saturn Valley version of an ATM.
The Mr. Saturn spoke with them briefly. "What brings you here, doing?"
Jeff and Ness explained the whole thing while Paula walked off to negotiate with the Mr. Saturn owner. The Mr. Saturn that was with them seemed to understand.
"Zombies, YES!" The squat, head-looking thing said. "Master Belch, kidnap people, keep them in base, control zombies, Zoom! Remember words of Mr. Saturn--Belch Man say 'say password'. You wait three minutes, doing! Move, you don't!"
Jeff grinned. "I think this little head-guy just gave us some tips on how to get into Belch's Base. Hey, little dude, where is Belch's Base?"
"Behind falls, yes, doing!"
"Grapefruit Falls," Ness mumbles solemnly. "Get ready, guys. The hardest fight yet begins tomorrow."