Earthbound: Simple Gifts







"Ever read the zombie survival handbook?" Jeff asked as the group of three got ready to leave the hotel room.
    "Can't say that I have," Ness replied, "But I'm sure it woulda helped."
    "Trust me, it would have." Jeff said, checking to make sure his magnum air gun was loaded. "But they should be taken care of, eh?"
    "I hope so." Paula said, wriggling into her dress again. She put Colin's jacket back on and flipped her hair out of the collar. "Well, should we get going?"
    "Sure." Ness said, shrugging his pack higher onto his shoulders. "There's nothing I hate more than having to just stand in one place."
    "Okay, then." Jeff said. "Let's go."
    The group walked outside to a mysteriously quiet Threed. Within five minutes, they were at the entrance of the tent and about ready to walk inside.
    Ness nodded and looked at the zombies adorning the floor.
    "Well . . . it worked." Ness said.
    "What now?" Jeff asked.
    "Well . . . we go and get whoever started this whole zombie thing." Ness said. "Off to the graveyard!"
    With that, the group of three walked towards the graveyard, grateful that all the zombies that might have been attacking them were now stuck to the floor of the circus tent.
    They approached the graveyard and observed two trash cans bouncing around.
    "Jeff, you think you can hit those things?" Ness whispered.
    Jeff scoffed and pulled out his magnum air gun. He took careful aim and fired a shot at one of the trash cans.
    Ness watched in awe as the can didn't just topple over. It toppled over and exploded.
    With the swiftness of a fox, Jeff fired another round into the next trash can, detonating it, too.
    "The path is cleared." Jeff simply said, blowing the barrel of his gun.
    "Jeff . . . never again shall I doubt you." Ness said, walking into the graveyard.

    Kent and Adam dumped their chain maille in a pile on the inside of a tent; in their hands was a hot cup of soup.
    "You guys look new." Their host, a man named Nate said. He was dressed in nothing but tan, a pair of binoculars around his neck, a safari hat upon his head.
    "You could say that." Kent said, taking a sip of his tomato soup. "We're actually here for a . . . uhh . . . prophecy."
    "Right." Nate replied. He had no idea what Kent was talking about, but when talking to someone who had been out in the cold for lord knows how long, he just went with it. "Tell me more about this prophecy."
    "Well, basically, it's kinda . . . uhh . . . fuzzy. A chosen four or something will get together and destroy some cosmic destroyer or somethin'. And one of them, my cousin, will betray them and kill one of them."
    "No kidding." Nate replied. "Tell 'ya what. I'm gonna head out again real fast, but I'll be right back, alright? Alright."
    Nate left. Kent looked at Adam.
    "So . . . uhh . . . what happened to Kelly?" Adam asked.
    "Beats me." Kent replied.
    It was a good thing they didn't know where Kelly was, as he'd just made friends with a gruff goat.
    Friends, of course, being a relative term.
   
    "It's cold in here," Paula said, her breath visible before her. She drew the crimson and gray jacket around herself. They found themselves in a cave under the Threed graveyard, leading to god knows where. And it was freezing cold.
    "Pardon me if I may, but, you've got psychic powers," Jeff began, "one of which, being the ability to create fire. Why not solve the problem yourself?"
    Paula sighed. "Jeff, you're a genus.”
    "Thanks."
    Ness cracked his knuckles. “Alright . . . it’s time to kick some zombie ass." He pulled his bat from its place on his backpack and walked into the next chamber of the cave, containing three urban zombies and a zombie dog.
    Ness grinned and pointed his finger at the group of undead. “Psi Hammer alpha!”
    The psychic attack ripped through two of the urban zombies and seriously wounded the third, leaving the dog unscathed.
    Jeff picked off the dog with his magnum air gun, blowing a hole right through the undead creature.
    As the boys were having their “fun” with the other zombies, another two descended upon Paula.
    She batted at one with her frying pan, with less than satisfactory results. Her panic mode kicked in.
    “Psi freeze beta!”
    She pointed at one of the zombies, freezing it solid. As she did, the other zombie got ahold of her.
    The zombie before her shattered into pieces, but the one on her back was about ready to sink its teeth into her.
    As she closed her eyes to take the bite, Ness came in and bashed the zombie right off Paula’s back, and pointed at it with his finger.
    “Think twice before going after someone on my team, ghoul.”
    He pointed at the zombie. “Psi Hammer. . .”
    Ness suddenly felt very lightheaded. He’d expended most of his powers. He remembered back to when Colin had done the same.
    This battle suddenly looked as though it was going to end in tears.
    Before the zombie got a hold of him, it was blown full of so many holes, it resembled Swiss cheese.
    “Thanks for the save,” Ness said to Jeff.
    He curtly nodded and put his smoking magnum air gun into it's holster.
    "Yeah. . .thanks." Paula said, getting up and dusting her jacket off.
    Ness led them through two more chambers with little resistance. Finally, they reached the ladder that would take them to Grapefruit Falls.
    "Is. . .that it?" Ness tentatively asked. "That seemed. . .too easy."
    "Hey! Down here!"
    Ness looked down at the base of the ladder to see a pile of green stuff.
    "What in the. . ."
    The pile blinked.
    "Hey! You! Yeah, you! You tryin' to get to Master Belch?"
    "Umm. . ."
    "You're carrying fly honey! I know you are! I'm here to stop you!"
    With that, the pile leapt off the ground, towards Ness. It latched onto his face and started. . .jiggling.
    This confused Ness to a certain extend, especially because it didn't hurt. As a matter of fact, it wasn't really doing anything to him.
    Ness turned to Jeff, who could barely contain his laughter.
    "You mind?" Ness asked.
    Jeff grabbed the pile from Ness' face and blasted it with his magnum air gun. Much to his surprise, it swallowed the bullet. In surprise, Jeff dropped the slimy little pile.
    "Alright, you bipeds," The slimy little pile said, "It's on."
    The pile swallowed a rock from the ground and spat it at Jeff. The blonde boy barely dodged the rock and watched as the rock lodged itself three inches into the wall.
    Paula pointed her finger at the pile. "Psi fire alpha!"
    Flames flew from her fingertips and seared their way towards the slimy little pile. They hit the pile, blackening it a bit, but not stopping it.
    "Psi hammer alpha!"
    The psychic needles pierced the slimy little pile, holding it fast to the ground.
    "It's all yours, Paula."
    Paula cracked her knuckles and pointed at the now grimacing pile. "Oh, I'm gonna love this. . ."

    "Hey. . .uhh. . .is there anything combustible around here?" Kent asked. They had just arrived in Saturn Valley, and. . .needless to say, the were just a little wierded out.
    They thought that one Mr. Saturn was annoying. . .an entire valley would surely drive them insane.
    "Not sure! Boooing!"
    "Okay, 'cause I see a rather large plume of flames and smoke and. . ."

    Ness brushed the soot and ash off his face. "Y'know, Paula. . .as much as I love a good explosion, do you think you could have waited until we were a safe distance away?"
    "Where's the fun in that?" Paula asked.
    Ness pointed to Jeff, who was putting out his smoldering bow tie. "We'd be better off alive if you ask me."
    Paula shook her head and climbed up what was left of the ladder into Grapefruit falls.
    Ness followed her, followed by Jeff.
    "Man, it sure is nice to get some sunshine again." Ness mused.
    "You could say that again," Jeff said. He untied his tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt.
    "It's hot, it's cold, it's hot, I wish it would just pick a climate and stay there." Paula said.
    "Paula, you're getting a little irritable. . .something up?" Ness asked.
    "You could say that." Paula replied.
    Ness nodded and let it go at that. He began to lead them through the valley, passing remnants of what looked like a battle.
    "Wonder what happened here," Ness said.
    Jeff looked at one of the valley walls and pulled a crossbow bolt out. "Looks like someone came through here hoping to start something. Well, they did. They also finished it, and made out job a lot easier."
    "Can't quibble with that." Ness said.
    Jeff looked down the way at what looked like a zombie. He walked over to it and knelt down. "And whoever went through here also knew what they were doing. Stabbed right through the head."
    "No kidding." Ness said as he looked at the corpse.
    "Hey, guys!" Paula shouted, standing next to a cave exit. "There's a cave here!"
    "Might as well go in." Jeff said.
    "Oh, no." Ness said. "No way. The last time I went into a cave, I ended up almost being killed by a giant ant."
    "Just suck it up." Paula said, grabbing Ness by the wrist and dragging him into the cave.
    Jeff couldn't help but chuckle at the scene. "Real heroic lookin', Ness."
    "Eat it!" Ness replied as Paula dragged him through the mysteriously empty cave.
    Ness was very surprised as they emerged from the cave without battling something life threatening. Paula let go of him and they began to explore where they had come out.
    The entire place was filled with creatures no more than two feet tall, consisting of little more than heads, feet, and noses, with one strand of hair holding up a red bow.
    "Hello! Boing!" One of the obscure creatures said to them. "Welcome to Saturn Valley! All are Mr. Saturn here! Zoom!"
    Ness cocked an eyebrow up. "Saturn Valley, eh?"
    Slowly, Ness walked into Saturn Valley. He found himself among several odd looking buildings that looked like rocket ships with bows on the top.
    "This is weird." Paula said.
    "I know."
    Paula took her frying pan off her belt and went to smack the person behind her, since it definitely didn't sound like Jeff.
    She found her intuition to be right, but she didn't strike home on anything, save for the pommel of a dagger. Before she knew what was happening, she was on the ground, her frying pan well out of reach, a sword pointing at her chest.
    "You really don't want to fight me, do you?"
    "People, please calm yourselves!"
    Jeff walked over to where the scene was unfolding. "Long time no see, Kent."
    Kent sheathed his sword and helped Paula up. "Sorry 'bout that. Reflex action."
    "Sure." Paula indignantly said.
    Kent turned to Jeff. "How's life been treating you for the last, oh, two days?"
    "Not bad." Jeff replied.
    Kent nodded, and turned to Ness. "And you are. . ."
    "Ness." Ness said. "Ness Hurt."
    "Nice to meet you." Kent said. He looked at Paula. "And who's this little bundle of joy?"
    "That's Paula. She's. . .uhh. . ."
    Kent looked at Paula and took a small step away from her. "Thanks for the warning. Anyway, I'm Kent Hartmann. I'm here 'cause. . .well, it's a long story, but I'll make it quick and simple. I'm here 'cause you're in trouble."
    "How so?" Ness asked.
    "As far as I can tell, Colin's gonna turn into bad news." Kent said.
    "Oh, joy." Ness said.
    "But, luckily enough for you, you still have time before Colin becomes a problem."
    "How much time?" Jeff asked.
    "I'm not sure." Kent said. "Days, weeks, it's anyone's guess. But one thing's for sure - all three of you could not take him in a fight."
    "You sound pretty sure of yourself." Ness said.
    Kent smiled. "Are you guys nice and rested up?"
    Ness looked over at Jeff and Paula. They nodded.
    Kent stood in front of them. "Okay, then." He threw his trenchcoat off and drew his sword. "Bring it on."
    Jeff pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger. Kent, nimble as a fox, dodged the three shots that came whistling his way. He was barely able to dodge one of Ness' psi hammer attacks, just as Paula also sent a psi freeze his way.
    Kent took that time to go into a double handspring and give himself some breathing room.
    He quickly noticed that the breathing room he'd given himself wasn't a whole lot as Paula advanced on her, obviously to Ness' and Jeff's disliking.
    He'd have to change Paula's outlook on battle, PMS'ing or not.
    She charged. Kent took a step to the right and gave her a firm kick in the middle of her back with his shin.
    She hit the ground hard, the only thing there to break her fall being her nose.
    Kent spun around just in time to dodge a hit from Ness' bat. Kent pulled his sword and blocked another hit. Ness let go with one hand and let loose with a psi hammer beta. Kent blocked it with the equivalent of a psi thunder gamma.
    The two energies fought for a second, giving Kent some more precious time.
    His heightened senses felt something coming for him. . . something cold.
    Kent leapt high out of the way and set himself floating. He fired a blast at Jeff that he couldn't possibly hope to block.
    Kent watched as the psi freeze beta hit Ness head on, effectively taking him out. That left Paula.
    Kent touched down once more and sheathed his sword on his back. He cracked his knuckles and got down into a low fist fighting stance. Without warning, he sent several yellow blasts of energy her way.
    She just smiled as the blasts were deflected by the Franklin Badge she had in her fist.
    Kent didn't know how, but he dodged, drew his sword, and swung at Paula with all his might.
    Paula saw it coming, but the only thing she could do was close her eyes and wait for the end. . .
    Which didn't come.
    She opened her eyes and looked at Kent's sword, barely inches from her neck.
    Kent sheathed his sword and shook his head. "You guys aren't ready."
    Ness sighed and bowed his head.
    "Luckily, that's why were here." Adam piped up.
    Ness looked at Kent.
    "We are going to. . ."
    "Pump. . .you up!" Kent, Kelly, and Adam said in perfect unison.
    "Oh, boy." Ness sighed.

    "You realize," Starman Deluxe began, "That if he turns, it would be the end of us."
    "He won't turn." The lady said. She'd kept the form of Casey, but finally let Starman Deluxe call her by her real name - Alieen. "After all, as long as his dear Casey is fine here, he'll work for us." She evilly cackled.
    "The human mind is a volatile thing to mess around with." Starman Deluxe replied. "The only reason I went along with this was because I believed that you could get our worst enemy on our side."
    "And I did. So why are you doubting me?"
    "Because," Starman Deluxe said, "The power this kid has. . .it's beyond comprehension. Like that 'psi hammer' Ness has. We can comprehend that; focused psychic energy. The stuff Colin puts out. . .we can't analyze it."
    "You don't know anything about it?" Alieen asked.
    "Oh, we know two things about it." Starman Deluxe said. "It's gray, and it hurts like hell."
    Alieen looked at Starman Deluxe. "That's it?"
    "Mmm-hmm." Starman Deluxe said.
    "It's not psychic?"
    "No. But, oddly enough, the psi recovery items we have recharge him."
    "Basically, he's an enigma." Alieen said.
    "In my opinion, it would not be wise to use him for Milky Well. We should keep Trillionage Sprout there. We can use Colin to replace Shroom!."
    "I swear," Alieen began, standing up and crossing her arms, "The names Master Pokey picks for these things reflect his intelligence."
    "By the way," Starman Deluxe said, "Did you notice that Mondo Mole hasn't been dispatched yet?"
    "Why not?" Alieen asked.
    "He said that the chosen hadn't even gone into the cave." Starman Deluxe said.
    Alieen looked at the Starman. "Are you sure?"
    The Starman nodded.
    "Okay. . .you realize that Mondo Mole will be destroyed, right?"
    Starman nodded.
    Alieen sighed. "Who died and put you in charge, anyway?"
    "Starman Junior."
    Alieen shook her head, stood up, and began to walk to a different part of the base.