Earthbound: Simple Gifts
Colin grimaced as he realized that they were surrounded by cultists.
Hundreds of them. Cultists. No, scratch that. The blue KKK. "Y'know. .
.this could end really badly for us, right?"
"Sorry, I'm fresh outta ideas." Ness said.
"Same here." Colin replied. "We could whip out our
weapons and cut a swath through, which would announce our arrival, or,
we could see if we could sneak through."
"Y'know, Paula's kinda cute." Ness said.
Colin looked at his partner. "Well, that was random."
"So? It's true." Ness said.
"Never said it wasn't." Colin replied. "Now, c'mon,
focus."
"Okay, okay." Ness said. "Lemme think. . ." Ness'
face bloomed into a smile. "You think we could get ahold of a couple of
those robes?"
"Now you're thinking." Colin said. "I saw two
outside. Follow my lead."
Colin exited the door and saw that two cultists were
looking at them. Ness joined Colin outside, and looked at the two
blue-clad extremists.
"I'm not so sure if this is a good idea anymore. .
." Ness said.
"Don't worry, don't worry." Colin said. "Just sit
back and watch the fireworks."
Colin cracked his knuckles and slipped his gloves
on. "I've got a question for you two."
They looked at him in a quizzical manner.
"Ever play Chrono Trigger?"
The cultists look at eachother. "No."
Colin looked back at Ness. "Letterman's."
From his backpack, Ness pulled Colin's letterman's
jacket. Colin took it and draped it over his shoulder. "Alright, boys.
. .you wanna take me on?"
The cultists pulled out two paintbrushes.
"Alright. . .you can take me on. . ."
Ness looked at Colin in disbelief.
"If you're prepared for the void!"
Colin made a series of arm movements, then pointed
at the cultists. A huge mass of dark matter emerged over the cultists,
doing plenty more damage than Ness could do with his potent Psi Hammer.
The two cultists dropped to the ground, their robes
and hoods miraculously intact. Colin looked at Ness, pale as a ghost.
From there, he fell to the ground. Ness ran over and
kneeled by him.
"And that, my friend, is what happens when you
over-extert yourself." Colin said, smiling. "You got anything that
might help with you?"
"Erm. . ." Ness dug around in his pack a little bit,
and pulled out a carmel with "psi" on the wrapper. He handed it to
Colin.
"You have to be kidding." Colin said.
Ness shook his head.
Colin shrugged, unwrapped the carmel, and popped it
into his mouth. Almost instantly, the color returned to his face. He
sat up, and looked at Ness in disbelief.
"Where did you find that thing?"
"Dunno." Ness replied. "We picked it up along the
way to Peaceful Rest Valley."
"You mean, it was on the ground for lord knows how
long?" Colin asked.
"No, it was wrapped up. Like a present."
Colin just shook his head in disbelief. "I swear,
the things that happen here. . . anyway, let's get those robes on and
get to work."
"Y'know," Kent began, talking to his friend, Kelly,
"It's beyond me how Casey can get almost killed, then enjoy having
herself launched by Mr.B three weeks afterwards." His sentince was
accented with Casey being launched off the far end of a burrito shaped
air bag on Davis Lake.
Kelly nodded. "I know what you mean, man. It's
really wierd." He stopped to think a second. "Think she's taking
steiroids?"
Had Kent been drinking anything, he would have spat
it out. "You don't mean Casey Crestline, of all people, do you!? Drugs
and Casey simply don't go together. If you ask me, I think it has
something to do with her training."
"Training?" Kelly asked.
"Yeah. She's got powers just like Colin and I do.
Hence why she fought at Finals."
"Ohhh, yeah." Kelly said. "I dunno. I don't have
powers."
"Oh, yes you do." Kent said. "You just gotta know
how to draw it out."
"Oh." Kelly said. "So, you said Colin's in Oregon."
"Yup." Kent replied. "I guess it had something to do
with a meteor or something."
"Ohh. . .Now I know what you're talking about."
Kelly said. "The one that made a car dissapear out of thin air?"
"Say what?" Kent asked, suddenly suprised.
"Yeah. It just made a car vanish. Don't know what
happened to it."
"You don't think that happened to Colin, do you?"
"Maybe." Kelly said.
Kent's eyes became as wide as saucers. "Do you
realize how not good that is!?"
"Umm. . .no."
"Dude! Colin could be stuck for all we know!"
"Oh. Well, I guess that's bad."
"You guess that's bad!?" Kent asked. "You guess!?"
"Yeah. That's bad." Kelly replied. "Not like you can
do anything about it. You're stuck."
Kent grumbled a reply. Kelly didn't dignify it with
a response.
"Okay, just play it cool." Colin said. "Man, this
think is itchy. . ."
"No kidding." Ness replied. They had just put on the
rather well fitting robes and hoods. The only problem was that they
were itchy to no end. "Well. . .they'll get us to Carpainter.
"Yup." Colin replied. "Alright. . .let's just do it."
Ness nodded and slipped the hood over his head.
"Alright. Let's go."
They entered the church, and looked around. There
was some chattering going on, and organization seemed to be at a low.
"Piece of cake." Colin whispered to Ness. As he said
this, the leader stepped onto a podeum.
"Happy Happyists!"
The room became deathly quiet. An older man, toting
a paintbrush loaded with blue paint led the group.
Carpainter. The eyes of Ness and Colin got wide.
"Let us now begin the ceremony!"
The doors to the church burst open, two culstists
carrying Paula in, an extremely obese kid about Ness' age before them.
"Crap!" Colin muttered. "They started early. . ."
Ness nudged Colin. "I know that fat guy. Pokey. He
could be bad news."
"Could be or is?"
"Is."
The two cultists tied Paula's wrists to two posts in
the center of the room, a piece of blue duct tape over her mouth to
keep her quiet.
"Oh, great gods, we now send up an offering to you!"
Pokey pulled a kinfe from a sheath and walked up to
Paula, who swiftly kicked him where it counted.
"Note to self. If ever capturing a woman, tie feet
as well." Colin whispered to Ness.
"Duly noted."
Carpainter lifted his arms and made a show of making
sure Paula was scared out of her mind. From the look in her eyes, she
was pretty frightened.
The room became dark as Carpainter's fingers glowed.
Colin knew what that meant: Lighting.
Yellow toungs of lightning leapt from Carpainter's
fingers, towards Paula. Before the lightning ever hit, they were
blocked by a lone cultist, who stood before her, a yellow object behind
his robes absorbing the lightning.
"Hey! What's your problem!" Pokey asked.
"What's my problem?"
The cultist threw his hood off, showing himself to
be Colin. "My problem is that you're trying to kill this perfectly
innocent young girl. As far as I'm concerned, that's grounds for
castration."
Carpainter growled. "Get him!"
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ness said,
taking off his hood and putting on his cap, "This man is very, very
angry right now. He could blow at any minute."
Colin knew where this was going. He had to act upon
it.
"Oh, come on," Pokey said. "What can this kid do?"
As if on cue, Colin drew his arms in on himself. The
entire room was bathed with an eerie grey light, before all light in
the room dissapeared. In the center, bright grey lighning streaks began
to arc over something.
Then, a huge grey sphere erupted in the center of
the room, Colin in the center. His eyes turned into a straight, bright
blue color, with white pupils. His hair shot out to a foot in length,
then retracted six inches. His robes, fluttering in the energy output,
shredded themselves. Colin slowly lowered himself to the ground and
looked at Carpainter.
"Pfft. Simple preliminaries. Kill that man!"
Every last cultist charged Colin. As they came,
Colin dodged every last one of the three hundred cultists. In one fluid
motion, they all charged Colin at the same time.
Colin grinned. His transformation almost made it
look like he had fangs. The first row decended upon him like a pack of
wolves. Colin whipped out his sticks and began punching, kicking,
bludgeoning, and in general causing great misfortune to anyone unlucky
enough to cross his path.
Meanwhile, Carpainter and Ness were going at it.
Ness dodged one of Carpainter's "boom boom bang"
lighting attacks and took a wild swing at him with his bat. He hit
Carpainter square in the side, causing him to double over. He stood
back up and threw his paint brush at Ness. It almost hit him right in
the face with the butt end, but a small blast of grey energy diverted
it before it could do anything to Ness.
Ness spun around, using the tourque he had created
with his spin to hit Carpainter hard in the side. Before he hit, he was
knocked flat on his butt by a blast of lightning.
He shook off the cobwebs and dodged another blast of
lightning. "Colin! Badge!"
From the center of the cultists, Colin managed to
pull the Franklin badge off his chest and throw it at Ness. Ness
plucked it from the air and put it on his shirt just as a bolt of
lighting went to strike him.
The lighting reflected off the Franklin Badge and
hit Carpainter square in the chest, knocking him down. Carpainter got
back up and pulled another paint brush from his jacket. He rushed Ness
and nailed him with it, dazing him for a second. Carpainter looked over
and saw every last cultists had piled on top of Colin, leaving an open
shot at Paula.
He took it.
Carpainter charged a shot. The lights in the room
went completely dark, then the entirety of Happy Happy village.
Later, Ness would hear about rolling blackouts as
far as Fourside at about the time Carpainter charged his blast.
Carpainter let the shot fly towards Paula.
She looked at the blast with wide eyes, and tried
with a renewed effort to free herself, but only succeeded in chafing
her wrists against the harsh hemp rope.
Then, something caught her eye. Ness was moving.
Ness plucked the Franklin Badge from his shirt and
threw it in Paula's general direction.
The blast hit the badge and reflected it back at
Carpainter.
Carpainter was too shocked to move. The blast hit
him dead on, knocking him off the platform he was on and into the wall.
"Ugh. . .what. . .what happened?"
The Happy Happyists got off Colin, whom was still
seething mad, and was still in his beta form.
"That's a good question, Mr. Carpainter." Ness said.
"Well. . .I remember getting that Mani Mani statue
from Mr. Agerate, then I started doing pecular things. . .but. . .I
feel fine now.
Ness looked behind him, where Colin was releasing
Paula, and a stack of robes was piling up. Only three happy happyists
remained.
"It seems that statue has some interesting
influences over people."
"So it would." Colin said, reverting to his normal
form. Paula stood behind him, massaging her wrists. "It would seem that
it's got enough power to cause perfectly rational people to become
murderers. You almost became one yourself."
Carpainter looked at Colin in disbelief. "I. . .I
can't believe I almost killed her. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. You weren't yourself." Paula replied.
"Just don't let it happen again."
"Trust me, I won't." He replied. "Ness, Colin, you
two are truly amazing. I thank you for saving this forsaken village."
"All in the job description." Colin said. "We should
probably get Paula home."
"Yes. Do that." Carpainter replied.
Ness lead Paula out the door, followed then by
Paula. Ness almost ran square into Pokey.
"Ness! I just woke up from the wierdest dream. .
.I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you. Can we please be friends
again?"
"I. . .suppose. . ." Ness said. Pokey smiled, turned
around, and began walking away. He spun around again. "Ha! I was just
joking, Sucker!"
With that, Pokey ran off.
"That was. . .err. . .random."
"Ness. . .I think this qualifies as more random than
anything I've seen in my life."
Before them stood a pencil shaped iron statue. On
the top of it was a shoe print of Colin's shoe, and on the side was one
of Ness' shoeprints.
Apparently, they'd somehow passed it on their
blitzkreig their first time through.
"So do I. How do we get past this thing?"
"Allow me."
A red headed kid, a little overweight, walked up to
the statue, attached a machine to it, and flipped a button on it.
Almost like magic, the statue faded out of existance.
"Thanks." Ness said, walking over to the kid. "You
are. . ."
"Apple Kid, inventor." He said. "That was my pencil
eraser. Feel free to have it."
"Umm. . .okay." Ness said, and took the odd looking
machine. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Don't worry. . .I won't." Ness said.
"Well. . .nice to meet you. I have a feeling we'll
meet again sometime."
Ness nodded. "Thanks."
With that, Apple Kid turned around and walked back
into Twoson.
Ness walked into the Polestar household, Paula and
Colin in tow.
"Mom, Dad, I'm home!"
The entire house, preschoolers and all, immideately
came out to the front room to see Paula. Her father and mother nearly
smothered her with hugs and kisses, while the preschoolers tried to ask
her questions.
The one preschooler that asked Colin if he was going
to rescue Paula walked up to him. She smiled a truly heartfelt smile,
and went up and hugged Colin's legs.
Colin smiled and turned a bright shade of red. He
looked down at the preschooler, squatted, rustled her hair, and gave
her a hug back.
"I told you I'd bring her back."
The little girl smiled and walked up to Paula.
Colin stood back up. "Hey, Paula."
She turned to face him. "Yeah?"
It was amazing. She ignored everyone around her and
it didn't even faze her. Maybe if he ignored the press they'd ignore
him. . .
"Why don't you take a shower or a bath or something.
I'd like to relax here for today, and we'll head back and do what we
have to do at Happy Happy Village tomorrow. Is that okay with you, Mr.
Polestar?"
The man looked at Colin. "Of course it is. You saved
my daughter. I owe you so much."
"Aww," Colin said, blushing again, "Don't mention
it. . ."
"By the way, you can call me Kent." Mr. Polestar
said.
"Wait. . .your name's Kent?"
"Yeah." He replied.
"My cousin's name is Kent, too."
"Cool. It's not a very common name, nowadays."
"Nope."
"Okay!" Paula said, merrily. "I'm gonna go take a
bath."
"Nice, hot bubble bath." Colin said. "Trust me. .
.you ain't gonna have one for a while."
The entire household looked at Colin.
"Erm. . .suprise?"
Kent sighed and stretched out on his bunk. Band camp
was so exhausting, especially after that CTF incident. He didn't wanna
do something like that again in his life. Kelly was on the bunk next to
his, and across the room was Kent's friend Adam.
They had a very small number of people to worry
about.
"Y'know, I'm a little worried about Colin." Kent
said.
"You shouldn't be." Adam said. "He can take care of
himself."
"Well, I know I can. What I'm worried about is that
he's gonna find another girl and hurt Casey, or worse - stay wherever
it is he's at."
"He's not that kinda guy." Adam replied.
"I swear, I've said this stuff before." Kent said,
sitting up."It doesn't make me feel any better, though. I hope he can
take care of himself 'till I get back."
"He will." Adam said, before there was a very odd
knocking on the door.
"Must be room check." Kent said, jumping off his bed
to get the door.
He opened the door and a most odd creature leapt
through the door and onto Kent's chest, knocking him down.
"Boooing! Are you Kent Hartmann? Zoooooom!" It asked.
"Umm. . .err. . .yeah!" Kent said, suddenly feeling
very. . .odd. What he was talking to was essentially a head on feet
with a giant nose and whiskers. Adorning its head was a lone hair with
a red bow tied in it. "What. . .are you?"
"I are Mr. Saturn! Zooooooom!"
"Mr. Saturn?" Kelly and Adam asked in perfect unison.
Kent grabbed the Mr. Saturn, set it on his bed so he
could actually look it in the eye, and sighed. "Okay. . .why are you
here?"
"I are here to bring Kent Hartmann to Saturn Valley!
Boing!"
"But. . .why?" Kent asked.
"'Cause Colin's in trouble! Zooooom!"
"What kind of trouble?" Kent asked, now ready to
take over at a moment's notice.
"Colin is about to being posessed! Booooing! He kill
one of chosen four! Zoooom!"
Kent looked at Adam, then at Kelly. He put his
intensity on. "Kelly, Adam, I'm gonna give you guys a choice. You can
come with me and help, or you can stay here and do nothing to help your
friend."
Kent's friends looked at him.
"And I'll get you both excused absences."
"I'm there." Adam said, crawling out of his sleeping
bag.
"Kelly?" Kent asked.
"No way." Kelly replied. "I shouldn't go, and
neither should you or Adam."
"Fine, then, mother." Kent said. "I'll tell 'ya
what. You wanna stop us - stop us."
With that, Kent packed all his stuff into his bag,
put Mr. Saturn on his head, and led Adam out of the cabin.
Kelly sat there for a second. "Hey! Wait up!"