Hiyo, Pokey, the most eligible bachelor in the universe, here. You know what I hate? That everyone can't be as cool as me. But that's the way things are. Oh yeah, I also hate Ness. He is my polar opposite. Whereas I'm the coolest guy in the universe, he's the uncoolest guy in the universe. He thinks he beat me all those years ago, but in actuality, I let him win. I took it easy on that brat. I could've obliterated him in an instant had I used my patented "Super Duper Karate Chop O' Matic Ultra Static Kung Fu Punch." Looking back, I really should have beat Ness. Now he's a celebrity. Where's my game!? I taught the boy everything he knows, and this is how he repays me. It makes me madder than a bladder! Ha Ha. Get it? Madder than a bladder. See? I'm also funnier than Ness.

The goal of this guide is to help all of you Ness haters spank him real good. Let's face it, he's a jerk. I will reveal all of Ness's weaknesses. Ha Ha Ha *snort snort*. Weak Ness. The true origin of his name! My guide is divided into several sections. The first section will provide a brief, general look at how to beat Ness. Each subsequent section will focus on a specific move and how to counter it. (much of Pokey's intonation will be filtered out for ease of reading)

As is usually the case with these kinds of things, plagiarism is highly frowned upon. If you want to use any of this, send me an e-mail telling me where you want to use it, and make sure to give me credit. That is all. Enjoy.

2) General Guide

Let me start by saying that Ness is one of the deadliest close range fighters in the game. The key to beating Ness is to get very good at dodging and countering his attacks. Use your dodging to get in, then try your best to keep Ness from regaining control. Using a throw is an excellent way to throw Ness out of his groove. Be as aggressive as possible. But always keep defense on your mind because Ness can regain control in an instant, and once Ness is in control, you're in trouble. He'll be all over you in his insanely aggressive manner. Golden Rule #1 is- always have defense in mind. Even when you're on the aggressive, keep defense in mind. Have I repeated myself enough yet? The main attack you want to defend against is his homerun swing. This is his best attack, and he can let it fly at incredible speed. Become a dodge expert. The second most important attack to look out for is his PK Fire. This attack can stop many assaults dead in their tracks. He also uses this attack to set up combos.

He also comes equiped with an arsenal of long range attacks and defenses. His PSI Magnet protects him from long range assaults. His long range attacks should pose little problem compared to his close range effectiveness. Just stay alert.

3) PSI Magnet

Is it just me, or did PSI Magnet only drain PP? I guess the game designers thought that it should be strength instead because Ness no longer needs PP to use PSI. He gets UNLIMITED usage of his PSI powers. How unfair! Stupid game designers. Nintendo probably uses monkeys nowadays to design their games. I bet Nintendo headquarters smells like diapers! Ha Ha Ha. Anyway, back to PSI Magnet. Ness uses this to absorb energy attacks and lower his percent damage. If you're playing against someone stupid who doesn't use PSI Magnet, then you won't have anything to worry about. But if your opponent is skilled, then he/she knows how good free recovery is. The safest thing to do is not use energy attacks that Ness can absorb. I've compiled a list of all the energy attacks that Ness can absorb so you'll know ahead of time what not to use.

Ness can absorb:
Mario and Luigi's fireballs
Dr. Mario's megavitamins (This one's incredibly stupid! Stinky monkeys...)
Bowser's fire breath
Fox and Falco's blaster
Ness's PK fire, PK flash, and PK thunder
Ice Climber's ice shot and blizzard
Kirby's final cutter (Ness only absorbs the downward strike/wave. He won't absorb the initial part of the attack, the uppercut part)
Samus's charge shot
Zelda's Din's fire
Pikachu and Pichu's thunder jolt (Not to be confused with Thunder, the lightning from the sky attack. Ness won't absorb that.)
Mewtwo's shadow ball
Mr. Game and Watch's chef (the sausages that fly from the pan)

There are two strategies you can use to beat PSI Magnet. The first is don't use energy attacks that Ness can absorb. The other strategy depends on the attack. If you're playing as Samus or Mewtwo, your strongest attack is your charged energy blast. These attacks can do a whopping 25% damage! The downside is that if Ness absorbs it, he'll recover up to 50% of his damage! Yes, Ness's PSI Magnet recovers much more than the amount of damage that the attack does. But you still want to smash Ness with it- here's how: set it up as part of a combo. Use an attack that will knock Ness up into the air. You don't want to knock him too high or he'll be able to recover too soon. Knock him just high enough to be able to blast him before he recovers. That was option number two. Don't use any of the above attacks that are slow or weak. Mario's fireball or Mr. Game and Watch's chef are way too slow. Ness will see them coming a mile away, and you can bet he'll take advantage of it. There is a way to counter this, and that is to use a slow energy attack, and then charge in full speed and smack him before he can recover from using PSI Magnet. However, the damage you'll cause afterward will have been offset by the damage Ness recovered from the PSI Magnet.

There is one more thing you'll have to watch for. Ness can also absorb certain item attacks.
Here are the item attacks he can absorb:
ray gun shots
super scope shots
star rod blasts
Whatever you do, DON'T use those three items in a match against Ness. None of them are good! (Ness's PSI Magnet can shield him from Fire Flower, but he can't absorb the energy so use away) But there is one final category of energy attacks that Ness can absorb. Select pokemon attacks.
Here are the pokemon attacks he can absorb:
Charizard
Cyandaquil
Staryu
They are Ness's best friends. With these, you have no way of knowing if one of the above pokemon will show up. But the risk is worth it. Always use pokeballs. (Or else they'll be used against you!) If one of these pokemons pops out and Ness starts to absorb their energy, go right next to him and prepare a smash attack. When Ness starts using PSI Magnet on one of those pokemon attacks, he will become unable to do anything else. So take advantage of this and smash him all the way to the dark side of the moon. Boy, writting this thing sure works up an appetite, even though I just ate five minutes ago. Oh well, there's always time for pudding!

4) PK Fire

By far, Ness's most annoying attack. This attack really shines as a way to break off a frontal charge. The best thing to do is avoid getting stuck with it. If you do get caught in a PK Fire, the best way to get out of it is to tap away from it. You can't use your shield or any other move while you're being juggled by PK Fire; the only thing you can do is move out of the column of fire. You should be able to get out of it with only two hits. Make sure you move out of it in the direction away from Ness. He loves to chain other moves into his victims, like the evil smaaash bat. Bottom line, if you get hit by PK Fire, retreat. There are a couple of ways to dodge the initial PK Fire. Putting up your shield will stop it cold. Plus, if you're close enough, you can roll through Ness and counter attack him from behind. Instead of blocking the fire with your shield, you can roll through it. You'll probably be facing backwards to Ness, so I recomend using a DOWN+A move or smash. Yet another way to dodge the move is to use your sidestep dodge (DOWN+R). There are still more ways to dodge this move. One aggressive move is to pounce over the PK Fire and land an aerial attack on him. Make sure you only hop over it. You want to avoid jumping too high because this gives Ness a chance to prepare for the attack. Make as small a hop as possible while still dodging his PK Fire. The final way to deal with this attack is to reflect it. Mario, Dr. Mario, Zelda, Peach, Fox, and Falco all have reflect moves that will send the PK Fire strait back to Ness. Mr. Game and Watch's oil panic will absorb 3 PK Fires, and can then out a nasty oil slick at Ness.

PK Fire is definitely a strong attack, but once you know how to deal with it, you have successfully taken away one of Ness's best attacks. I have just given you a slew of ways to counter PK Fire. With practice, you'll know when to use each one. If you're fighting a human opponent, make sure to switch up between tactics. You're opponent won't be able to catch on to any one counter attack and will be at your mercy. In fact, Ness's PK Fire will end up working in your favor most of the time.

5) PK Thunder

This attack is the least menaceing of Ness's arsenal. It deals little damage, and lacks the power to knock you out. A shield or sidestep should block the attack. It slowly takes its time making its way over to you, making it extra easy to dodge. To make matters better, Ness can't attack you while he's sending a PK Thunder your way, unlike most projectiles. If you're skilled enough, you can dodge the PK Thunder and charge in and attack Ness while he's helpless. If, however, he doesn't send the PK Thunder over to you, it probably isn't a good idea to charge in on him. He'll hit himself with the bolt and go flying into you. If you put up your shield, he'll go flying right through you. It should be apparent whether or not he's planning on directing the bolt at himself or you. If he hits himself and comes flying at you, don't try to attack him. Dodge or shield the blow, and attack him after if you want.

6) PK Flash

This attack has incredible strength when it's fully charged, but it's easy to dodge. This is another move that you can see coming a mile away. But be careful if you're planning on charging in and attacking Ness while he's sending out a PK Flash; even if you hit him, the PK Flash can still fall to the ground and detonate on you. You should play around with Ness and using the PK Flash yourself. That way you can learn the physics of it. The one thing you'll notice is that PK Flash dies dead if it hits a platform after it has been launched. Here's a good way to set up Ness: jump onto a platform above Ness. It'll look like too perfect an opportunity to use his PK Flash. When he sends it up at you, imeadiately fall down through the platform and attack Ness. The PK Flash won't be able to fall down through the above platform, and you'll be safe from it.

7) Homerun Swing

Ness's haymaker. This is his most lethal move, able to KO foes like nothing else. He can let it out with incredible speed so it's hard to see it coming. It's at its deadliest when he uses it to smack foes as they are charging in. Because of this, don't charge straight in. You should dodge and countermove your way in until the two of you are locked in heated hand to hand. When you're this close, it's much harder for Ness to get out his swing. But he still can if given the chance. I'll give you a hint for beating the Homerun Swing: know that he can't use it when he's in the air, and he can't hit you if you're in high enough in the air. One of the best ways to charge Ness is to jump attack in; he has much fewer defenses against an aerial assault. You should also charge in only when he's airborne, preferably after he has been hit. Tossing Ness and following up with your running tackle is a great strategy to use.

8) Yo-Yo

Ness's Yo-Yo is a suprisingly good move. His DOWN Smash is "Walk the Dog," and his UP Smash is "Around the World." He holds his Yo-Yo out while he's charging the smash, making these smashes very unique. It gives him atleast some kind of protection while he's waiting to unleash the move. With Walk the Dog, he holds the Yo-Yo behind himself and releses it forward. With Around the World, he holds the Yo-Yo in front of himself and unleashes it in a circle around the top of his body. Walk the Dog is a fast way to send an strong attack to people behind him. If you see Ness standing with his back to you, waiting for you to charge in, you can suspect that he's waiting to use his Walk the Dog move. It only swings low to the ground, so a short jumping attack can help you counter it. As an attack to the front, it's less effective because it's easy to see coming. If he's charging a Walk the Dog and you're in front of him, wait until he releases the move before coming in. This is true for most smash attacks. But as I said, Walk the Dog is a low to the ground move so you should be able to jump over it with an attack.

Around the World is a better attack. This is the one you'll have the most trouble with. The reason being- it can counter aerial attacks. Your only defense to this move is timing. You have to time your aerial attacks just right so as to avoid the Yo-Yo. I'll admit, Around the World is the hardest attack to defend against. He can use it fast after you're already in the air. If he uses it while you're on the ground, you can run in and attack him while the Yo-Yo is on a trajectory away from you. Why would Ness use Around the World while you were on the ground? People who play as Ness are stupid anyway. But seriously, remember that it's a quick attack to the front. If he misses, then he has no choice but to let the move finish, and you'll have a clear shot at him.

9) PK Shove

This is Ness's running move, a favorite among Ness veterans. It's very hard to counter it with a standard attack. If he hesitates and doesn't get it out earlier enough, you can grab him. If he does get it out early, you can take to the sky to aviod it. If you use this strategy, be careful not to jump right into Ness's attacks. You can try to land an aerial attack, but the effectiveness will depend on which attack you use. Instead of attacking from the sky, just jumping out of the way for a sec. is sometimes all you need. It will succeed in halting Ness's momentum. Another strategy is to roll away from Ness. I think this one is fun. His PK Shove will stop just short of you.

10) Ness's Throws

Ah yes, Ness's infamous throws. He usually uses his throws to finish off a damaged opponent. Be extra cautious of his throws when you're at the far side of the screen. If Ness purposely runs to the far edge of the screen and waits for you to bring the fight over to him, you know that he's planning on using a throw to take you out. The nice thing about him doing this is that it puts him right next to the edge as well making it just as easy for you to throw him off the side of the screen. He'll use the previous strategy when you're high on damage. When you're low on damage, he uses his UP Throw to start a juggling combo. If he tosses you up, try to get out of there. Those should be your only concerns. If Ness throws you away from him, he creates a distance gap between the two of you, and as I've said, Ness is a close quarters kind of guy.