"Hey!" Jackie shouted, "Come’n see this!"

The bartender was watching an old black-and-white TV behind the bar excitedly. Ricky, Krause, Andonuts, Jerry and Gerardo turned to him.

"What’s going on?" Krause asked.

"Enrich Flava’s gonna make his speech! It’s the first transmission I’ve got in a weak. Come’n see!"

The turned their heads to watch what was happening on the little screen. They saw an exhausted-looking plump man wearing a suit standing on a platform, adjusting his tie and shuffling papers. The two military captains on either side on him told him to begin. Enrich began speaking loud and clear enough to hear over even the fuzz of the ancient TV.

"Fellow citizens of Fourside. The riot that has plagued our fine city has hopefully subsided…As anybody can see we have suffered a good share of damage. However, we will pick ourselves up and continue our daily lives. Kids will still attend school and take out the trash. Adults will return to work and help in the efforts to rebuild this city. Donations are coming in for relief and…"

A page carrying a paper interrupted him by literally stumbling into him.

"Urgent message," she said, although the six in the Café could only hear fuzz. Enrich blinked heavily, then scanned over the paper, his face turning pale.

"In an unexpected turn of events…um…I fear to inform you that we are not the only city in our country under stress. A phone call from a bullet train states that a certain desert town has become occupied by…I apologize, fellow citizens. I have dire business to attend to. I bid you a good day."

Flavor left the podium, waving to the mumbling crowd.

"Well, it appears mayor Flavor’s speech has been cut short…" said the anchor’s voice with a surprised tone, "Um…stay tuned as reporters find out what exactly is going on!"

The café was silent.

"Now what was that?" Jackie finally said, scratching his noggin, "The guy looks weaker than I last saw him…by lots."

"It just looks to me like he was cut short with something more important than his speech…" Gerardo added.

"A certain desert town occupied?" Ricky chimed in, and a look of horror spread across his face. He knew it just then. The pigs had taken Coal Town.

"Eagleland is getting weirder by the day. The weirdness always spreads to Winters, then on to the rest of the world," Andonuts said contemplatively, "Already goats and crows have taken up their violent ways again. Twenty years ago it was the same deal…soon aliens will be invading and…"

"Put your hands up!" a sudden gruff voice demanded. They jumped and spun around to meet it. The voice came from a pale man standing in the doorway, his right arm holding out a strange-looking pistol. Thick shades covered his eyes, but his grimace meant serious business. A very-tattered looking green jacket protected his body and gleams of metal showed where the leather had ripped.

"Do as I tell you. I was told to take you two alive if reasonably possible."

"Us?" Krause stammered. The man grunted and stepped into the room, waving his pistol. Jackie began making his way behind the cocktail mixer. Jerry began to reach for something at his side and the twins looked at each other with confusion and fright. The man began to lower his pistol. The man laughed and everybody wondered whether it sounded more like sandpaper on drywall or a sack of gravel rolling down a hill.

"This guy made it out like you guys were dynamite! I would say you’re more of one of those stinky sulfur worms," he stopped laughing abruptly and put his grim face back on, "Now stand still. It won’t hurt as much when I knock you out cold."

He drew in closer, and the twins brandished their weapons. Andonuts, slightly intoxicated, stumbled over the bar and ducked for dear life. Gerardo grabbed a bottle of vodka and smashed the bottom against the bar, giving him a somewhat nasty cutting weapon that he held out fiercely.

"Why’d you do that? That’s imported!"

"If you wanna get the kids, you’ll have to get through me!" he said, swinging the bottle furiously at midair. The man frowned and cocked his pistol.

"Sweet dreams, redneck…" he snickered as he aimed. Before he could pull the trigger, a brilliant arching beam of light shot from Jerry’s low-profile silver pistol and hit the man right square in the chest. A wicked crack was heard and he staggered back from the blow with a groan. They turned to Jerry in amazement as he stylishly twirled the pistol in between his fingers and blew away the billows of smoke that came from the gun.

"Is he…" Ricky said, stepping over the man on the ground holding his bat ready.

"No," Jerry explained, "The Stun-o-Zap never really kills per se. By projecting a beam of highly charged atoms, it strikes at the focus point and spreads all over the body, stunning all nerves for at least one hour. When he does get up, he’s not gonna be feeling very good to say the least."

A jolt of electricity arched out from his body and he twitched dramatically. Gerardo set down the broken bottle and grumbled about how he had been called a redneck and how he was technically more of a treasure hunter. Jackie and Dr. Andonuts got out of hiding and they were silent for quite some time.

"Well, what we gonna do about this…stunned mug here?" Jackie said as the man jolted again.

"Now before we do that," Ricky said in the same no-nonsense tone of his uncle, "a more important question is who is he and who hired him."

"That’s two questions," Krause cut in.

"The same…"

"Who in the bloody heck would be after two little kids and pay somebody to kill them?" Andonuts said with a hiccup.

"Well…we’re being chased, escaping something while trying to change the world. We’re not going to Summers."

"I see…" Andonuts said, "A fellow’s business is his own, so I won’t (hiccup) ask you any more…If you’re changing the world, I don’t want to hinder you in any way. (Hiccup) Since you said you had to walk the whole way here, the least I can do is give you a better means of transportation."

"You don’t mean to…" Jerry said, wide-eyed.

"Yes. I have made blueprints for the PORK Bean, and it’s not that hard to make. I figure (hiccup) if you can ride a bicycle, you know more than enough to navigate one of them."

"I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink, dad-"

"We don’t mind!" Krause said cheerfully, "I’m a good bike rider!"

"It’s not that…it’s just…they cost lots of money to make. We can’t just let anybody ride these things!"

"These kids aren’t just anybody," Dr. Andonuts said, "They’re off to do big, important things, despite their (hiccup) young age. Just like you twenty years ago…"

"I’m not very good at winning arguments. I won’t interfere anymore!" Jerry said as he bent down to help Jackie move the unconscious body of the gruff bounty hunter into the back for the time being.

"Thanks a lot, Doctor!" Ricky said, "We’d like to see it - after I get some rest."

The twins realized how tired they were and asked Gerardo if there was a good place to rest, away from the second-hand smoke in the café. He said the Flavor Grand Hotel was open all the times, even after devastating riots. It wasn’t cheap though, and the twins were very low in cash. Gerardo offered to pay, and so he handed them eighty bucks and gave directions. He said he would stay at the bar because he wanted to try the coffee of the day. With that, the twins left and started heading towards Flavor Grand Hotel.

A pig standing atop of the watchtower watching the surrounding terrain with binoculars suddenly gave a grunt. For over a dune maybe a mile away, he saw a small unit of advancing tanks, painted white and shimmering in the noonday sun. Beside the tanks there were soldiers riding horses and carrying dangerous-looking assault weapons. He dropped the expensive binoculars and squealed the warning cry. The ranks of pigs marching about in the streets stopped, then confusion broke out for several seconds until the officers calmed them down and began leading them away from the train that they derailed early that morning. The watch pig grunted a curse at his primitive medieval weapon. The Pig King must e crazy, conquering villages with sharp pointy steel things and expecting them to fight off a modern military unit. But the pigs stood ready, making a circle of defense all around the town; spears up front and archers ready behind the walls. The white tanks and horsemen circled in just out of the range of an arrow and halted. A fat human in a green military suit covered in badges stepped forward with a microphone hooked up to big speakers.

"Testing…testing…" the microphone let out an infernal screech and the pigs all covered their ears and squealed in pain. The man, obviously a general of some sort, continued, "Okay, good! Now…oh yeah…HELLO YOU NASTY BAND OF TERRORISTS WHO RUTHLESSLY TOOK A DEFENSELESS TOWN BY STORM! WE WANT TO KNOW THE NAME OF YOUR ORGANIZATION AND WHY THE BUNNY YOU JUST WALTZED IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND DID SOMETHING THAT STUPID!"

On the side of the pigs, the lieutenant hog handed the human named Mark a microphone and began giving him cues.

"Um…we are not terrorists! We are more of a liberation group! We are beginning to correct a wrong you have done to our race thousands of years ago and put you in your righteous place…Why we captured this town is none of your business, you…worthless, empty-headed animal food trough wiping, boot-licking humans!"

"THE SAME! YOU ARE A VERY BIG IDIOT FOR MESSING WITH EAGLELAND, AND YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR THICKHEADED BEHAVIOR! CAVALRY, ST…A…ND READY! ROLL TANKS!"

The officers drew their swords and pointed them at the oncoming enemy. The pigs grunted and got into the Porcupine Formation. The tanks fired at the ranks and pigs went flying into the air. The razor-sharp arrows of the archers whizzed toward the tanks. Suddenly, the sands in front of the ranks of the spear-pigs shifted and out came the notorious silver flying saucers! Now beams were firing, tanks were being fried, spear-pigs were charging, cavalry was shooting into the ranks, and arrows hailed down upon it all. The general of the humans, who was named Henry, tried in vain to calm his horse as he stood, gawking at the carnage that was ensuing not more than 100 yards in front of him. The strange-looking aircraft the pigs were using were zapping his tanks like it was nobody’s business, the cavalry were caught in a severe shower of arrows or being run through by the onslaught of spears. He grabbed his mic from his belt and hollered, "RUN AWAY! FIND A PLACE OF SAFETY! I DON’T CARE! JUST GET OUT OF THERE!" before wheeling his terrified horse around and making tracks for the vast desert. The speakers boomed over the din of battle, and humans were turning in their tracks and leading their horses back whence they came at full speed. The pigs cheered, grunting and squealing loudly and waving their spears and bows while they danced their clumsy victory dance and taunted their defeated foes viciously. It would’ve been a very funny sight if at a different juxtaposition.

General Henry counted his casualties grievously. Of the two hundred cavalry he brought, there were fifty-two that came out, twenty-one without horses and only two without visible injury. Of the two dozen tanks, only three were left, one of which still looked serviceable. He made his announcement to his beaten troops; "Men, you fought well…but they’re much tougher than we thought. I guess I didn’t have to tell you that," he added grimly as he saw a tank completely missing its turret, "We will not regroup and not try to sabotage them right now."

The soldiers gave a sigh of relief and they turned to make their way back to base.

"Ah…Ricky…I was told to give this message to you…" the hotel manager said, handing him a tattered envelope, "It was given to me by a cool-looking guy with a cowboy hat and a trenchcoat. He didn’t give a name, though."

The twins’ mouths dropped. The manager, a short, skinny guy who looked just out of college, looked a bit indignant.

"Wow!" Krause said. He snatched it from his brother’s hand and darted for the elevator. Ricky regained his composure and apologized, grabbed the room key, and squeezed through the closing elevator. Krause already had the letter opened. Ricky rushed beside him and began reading it with him.

"Woah!" Krause exclaimed, "He’s alive…and here! That’s tonight!"
"Wait just a minute! How does he know where we are?" Ricky said doubtfully.

"He’s Flint for goodness sake!" Krause laughed, "Of course he knows where his nephews are! He’s a smart guy y’ know…"

The elevator reached its destination and they reached their room. It was the cheapest one available, but it had two firm beds and color TV with ten channels. Ricky dropped his backpack on the floor and crashed on the bed. Krause tried working the TV, but the only kind he’d ever seen were the black-and-white types with UHF knobs and no remote. He gave up and fell asleep too.

Krause found himself in a dark room with a ceiling that stretched into the blackness. Lining the bluish metallic walls were at least a dozen tall glass tubes with bubbling greenish liquids in them. Intricate wires and pipes hooked them up to large and strange-looking computers with bar graphs labeled in a bizarre alphabet possibly showing the status of the different liquids. Curious, Krause slowly walked to the nearest tube and peered in. Suddenly he let out a scream and he fell backwards. A sickly man’s face was peering back at him through the bubbles.

Help…me… a voice said through Krause’s head I’m running…out…of air…ack!

"What am I supposed to do?" Krause asked softly as he shakily climbed back to his feet.

Krause reached at his belt and found his frying pan. He lined it up and gave the glass a good whack. A crack split it and the green stuff began oozing out, sizzling on the tiled floor and creating a noxious odor. Krause sniffed in disgust and whacked at the glass three more times until the reeking liquid was pouring out of big cracks. He held his nose and almost made another blow, but the man in the tube’s slime-covered fist broke the glass. Krause stepped back in horror as the green ooze ran out of the now-broken glass tube and a man’s shape staggered out and fell down.

"Thank you," it gasped. The stench of rotten eggs, milk and sulfur were heavy in the air. Krause slowly walked over to help, but to his surprise, the man dripping in slime jumped to his feet and ran to the nearest computer. Frantically, he began typing things on the huge keyboard. The screen blinked, then the sound of rushing liquid was heard. Krause looked all around him and the tubes were rapidly draining, revealing all sorts of people. He even saw one that looked suspiciously like Mr. T, another that looked identical to Weird Al, and one that looked slightly like Princess Leia. All of them, however, looked very relieved and looked to their savior. Most of the hideous slime that covered him was gone now, revealing a weak-armed, bald man wearing what was once a very nice suit and matching bowler. Krause was expecting somebody cooler looking, but oh well…The tubes slid back and the relieved people inside staggered out, gasping for air. The man looked at Krause and grinned.

"I always thought I had supernatural powers. Thank Allah I really do! Thanks for listening to me. Now we’re all safe…for now…"

"Um…" Krause said uneasily as the people began making their way towards him, "Where is this and how the Bunny did I get here?"

"I’m not so sure myself, but we’re in Fourside. I overheard one of those…robots…and they said that. I’m not so sure as to how you came to be here, but I owe you one! Have we introduced? I’m Donald Trump."

"Krause Lee," Krause replied. He looked around at the people that Donald had just saved. In addition to the three oddballs mentioned above, there were nine others. Krause examined each one and gasped. He saw a man that looked shockingly like Phil Collins, another could double as the lead singer of M.C.D.C., and (Gasp!) the "Dude, you’re getting a Dell!" kid!

"W…what are you all doing here?" he gasped, backing away.

"I don’t know," said a lady that looked like Martha Stuart in an uptight voice, "But the way I see it, they were going to turn us all into slime-things!"

"I pity da’ foo’ who lock us up!"

The people all started talking at once, and Krause was getting more and more freaked out.

"Are you guys really…?" he asked.

"Things are not always as they seem, kid," Donald Trump said with a fiendish grin. In unison, they all tore of their faces – masks – and revealed hideous pigs’ faces. Before he could do anything, they whipped out curved blades and were on him, grunting and snorting with wicked glee. Things are not always as they seem. Trump’s quote was echoed in a cool, mocking voice in the recesses of his head.

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Krause screamed, flopping over in bed and swinging his fist to block something. Then he realized he was back in his hotel room, away from those…Starmen and celebrities from tubes filled with slime. Ricky was staring right at him, and Krause smiled weakly and climbed out of bed.

"Hearing voices again?" Ricky asked sarcastically.

"Just a really weird nightmare…" Krause gasped, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead.

"You woke up just in time. It’s nine o’ clock and we’ve gotta find an old pier," Ricky said, slipping his heavy baseball bat into the loop of his backpack.

The city streets of Fourside were foreboding at night, especially with the incident that ended just last night. Fourside was known for its schizophrenic extremes; the EF Tower Area and pretty much the rest of downtown was a major architectural achievement, teeming with sophistication and supposed peace. However, just two miles away, old and deteriorating brick buildings of the West Side and Dock areas teemed with dangers of all sorts. Gangs claimed most of the area, as the police had been slipping since the short office of Montoli. But tonight there would be little or no trouble, with the military keeping the city’s crime in check. Still the twins ducked behind buildings and moved as quietly as possible through the shadows towards the eastern docks. Ricky did not like the idea of explaining why they were sneaking around at what’s probably past a strict curfew. They didn’t have much trouble finding the docks. Even in a hick town maybe three hundred miles away, Fourside’s slums were notorious. It is said you just have to follow the decaying buildings and graffiti, and it was true. Rain started falling, and the twins were getting more and more uneasy. If Flint was going to be anywhere, he’d most likely be back at Jackie’s Café, not a place like the docks. But he probably had his reasons, right?

The docks weren’t as big as one may expect in a metropolis like Fourside, but most of the city’s wealth came from banking and higher commerce. There were no barges or any other boats harbored there that night, and signs attached to tall light poles led the twins. Lightning began to flash in the distance, and Krause’s sharp eyes caught a tall figure standing on an old concrete wharf maybe a hundred or so yards away.

"Look!" he said, pointing at the wharf, "Is that Flint?"

"I don’t know…" Ricky said. Thunder roared and he began reaching cautiously for his baseball bat.

"Flint! Flint! Uncle Flint! Over here!" Krause shouted, beginning to run.

"Shut up!" Ricky said, but his brother was already vaulting over a stack of crates. With a sigh, he ran after him. Something didn’t feel…right to him…Another flash of lightning revealed the wharf more clearly, and this time he saw the distinct figure, standing as still as a fortress, a long coat waving in the wind. Ricky caught up with Krause and they scrambled up the crumbling ramp up to the wharf.

"Uncle Flint! It’s me!" Krause shouted joyously. A gust of wind blew the coat again, just as a bolt of lightning struck closer, bringing a wicked crack of thunder.

"Wait!’ Ricky said in vain. He followed Krause to the end of the pier.

"Flint?" Krause said, panting. Ricky had his baseball bat half-drawn.

"Come here, nephew," Flint’s gruff voice said. Krause slowly walked around to face his uncle, but a gust of wind revealed something that made Ricky whip out his bat and grab his brother.

"NO!"

Lightning cracked again, and the figure whirled around, hat and coat flying off like leaves. Standing before them was a tall gold robot, like in Krause’s dream and the Starman Jr. that Ricky defeated. Krause let out his high pitched scream and let loose his frying pan.

"It is too late. The Pig King shall not take you!" the tall Starman said in a mechanical voice, reaching its pointed arms above its head dramatically. Ricky charged in, and with a blood-curdling scream that stunned both Krause and the Starman, smashed his adversary in the abdomen. It seemed to phase out for a moment, then reappeared five feet in front of Ricky, a sparking wire coming from its side. Ricky stepped in for another attack, but in a blur, the Starman vanished from view. Before he knew it, he felt a cold metal tentacle wrapped around his throat. With a gasp, his arm jerked and he dropped his weapon.

"Do not attempt to resist."

"Hold on Ricky!" his brother shouted. With a loud clang his struck the fiend in its damaged side with his frying pan. The Starman quivered, but seemed otherwise unhurt.

"Do not get involved. I am to only take the one named Ricky, with a baseball bat. Not you."

Ricky gasped for breath as he helplessly tried to elbow the Starman but seemingly only hurting himself.

"Screw this!" Krause shouted, dropping his frying pan, then grabbing and striking the robot in the legs with Ricky’s dropped baseball bat in one swift move. The robot howled, then dissipated for an instant before reappearing again, only without Ricky. Krause flew into a rage of terror and anger.

"Where did you put him, you broken-down, short-circuited can of bolts?" he screamed, trying his best not to strike the Starman right away.

"He is at a safe place. Do not worry about him. You need to worry about yourself. I told you not to get involved, but now I have no choice but to eliminate you."

Krause dashed forward, a lightning bolt silhouetting the scene. As the thunder cracked, Krause swung his brother’s bat with all of his might, but the Starman swiftly slid to the side, deflected, then left Krause to trip on its foot. Krause’s mouth was full of blood as he tried to strike the Starman’s leg from his prone position, but missed. He barely managed to block a blow from his opponent’s sharp hand. Another flash of lightning lit the sky as the Starman stood over Krause. Had it been human, it would be gloating. Thinking quick Krause yelled and brought up the baseball bat in a place where the sun normally doesn’t reach. There was a beep and the Starman suddenly stood rigid. Carefully, Krause backed up. It was frozen in place, still as it was when he first saw it. He gave it a good shave, and it teetered and fell, causing a great deal of noise. He wiped the blood from his mouth and grabbed his brother’s bat.

"Don’t worry Ricky!" he said as if he were right beside him, "I’m coming to get you!"

Though he had no idea what had happened to his brother, he turned and ran back towards Jackie’s Café.