EB Rewrite Part 24:
Down We Go!!!!
(All is peaceful in the town of Onett. Crows steal cookies, runaway dogs attack townspeople, and snakes leap out of the underbrush. Suddenly, a huge explosion, such as the ripping open of the time/space continuum...etc, anyway, Ness and Co. come spiraling out of the vortex and crash through the roof of the Onett library)
Poo: (shakily getting up) Ha, I’m so good at that whole, moving point of arrival thing!
Paula: (smacks him) No you’re not!
Jeff: (whips out his Death Ray weapon) I’ll go find the book! (runs off into the library)
Exit Mouse: Perhaps there’s an easier way, one that won’t get us in trouble with the police.
Ness: (walks over to the librarian behind the main desk) Hey, can I have you find a book we want to check out?
Librarian: My, what a cute yellow backpack!
Ness: What?
Paula: (grinning as she pops up over Ness’ shoulder) Oh yeah, Ness, what cute widdle backypacky!
Exit Mouse: (lands on Ness’ hat) Hey, nothing wrong with having the same backpack since 1st grade, right Nessy boy?
Poo: (pops up behind Ness’ other shoulder) I also find the book seller lady’s comment to be hilarious.
Ness: GET OFF! (flings them out the door) Okay then. (glares at the librarian) Give me the book I want, NOW!
Librarian: Ooh, whatever you say, young man! (tries to look serious) Now, what book do you want to check out?
Ness: Finally! Sheesh! I want to check out the book "Overcoming Shyness" okay?
Librarian: You’re not that shy...
Ness: Not the point! Give me book now!
Librarian: We only have maps at this library.
Ness: (a sweat drop slowly drops down his face, a big sweat drop mind you, HUGE!)
Librarian: Tee hee, this Town Map would look so great in your cute little back...
Ness: AGH!!!!! (runs screaming from the library)
Paula: (sitting outside, playing poker with Exit Mouse and Poo) Get the book, Ness?
Ness: (whimpering) No, wai!
Poo: Too bad. (looks over his cards, nervously) So, uh, all these cards with the people on them, they’re bad, right?
Exit Mouse and Paula: (nod) Yep!
Poo: Okay.
Jeff: (comes running out of the library) Hey guys, I got the book! (holds up the book "Overcoming Shyness" triumphantly) But uh, I had to shoot my Death Ray a few times so, uh, (looks back at the library nervously) We had better go...soon.
Poo: Yeah, let’s go! (they suddenly shoot off into the sky with PSI Teleport B)
Ness and Co.: (come flying out of somewhere and smash into the ground in Tenda village)
Tendas: (ignore it completely)
Paula: (still sitting on the ground with Exit Mouse, their cards flung off into nowhere) Ow, that was like a 50,000 mph RUG BURN!!!!!
Exit Mouse: I agree, (ouch)
Poo: Heck if I could explain it.
Ness: Yeah. (they all nod their heads slowly)
Jeff: Oh yeah, the book! Hey Tenda Leader guy! (they run to the Tenda leader guy) We got the book!
Tenda Leader: (stares blankly)
Ness: If you read it to your tribe, you’ll all not be shy anymore!
Tenda Leader: We like being shy.
Ness: WTF?
Paula: Too bad, if you don’t read it, I will!
Jeff: Waitaminute, (points over to a rock in the corner of the cavern) Is that the rock you said we wouldn’t be able to move, Exit?
Exit Mouse: (munching some spicy jerky) Yeah, isn’t it huge?
Jeff: (calmly shatters the rock with a bottle rocket blast) Yeah, pretty big.
Paula: (sighs) Why does this always happen? We waste so much time!
Ness: We DID rescue Jeff’s Dad, and some other people, and Mr. T, and Mr. Saturn!!!!!
Paula: You’re right, it all turned out well in the end.
Poo: (looking down the hole) It descents into complete darkness, who should go first?
Ness: This is too easy.
Paula: (stifling a giggle)
Jeff: Hee hee.
Poo: What?
Exit Mouse: (shoves Poo)
Poo: AGH! (falls headfirst down the hole)
Ness: So evil!
Paula: Yet funny.
Jeff: (as Poo is heard crashing into the ground far below) Yeah.
Exit Mouse: Hee hee hee. (drops the "Overcoming Shyness" book down the hole)
Ness: Even MORE evil!
Paula: Nothing to it but to do it! (grabs Ness, Jeff, and Exit Mouse as she leaps down the hole)
Poo: AGH! (scrambles out of the way as Ness, Paula, Jeff and Exit come hurtling down)
Ness: (flings down a PSI shield of light to break their fall) Boo yeah!
Exit Mouse: What a rush! Where to now?
Talking Rock: Hey, I’m a talking rock!
Jeff: Whoa, it’s a talking rock!
Ness: Talking rock? That’s cool!
Talking Rock: That’s right, talking rock!
Exit Mouse: Okay, bye! (Ness and Co. walk off)
Talking Rock: Aw, I’m so lonely.
Paula: This must be the Lumine Hall, it’s all, Lumine and stuff.
Ness: Why is it so freaking bright underground?
Jeff: Maybe it’s cuz of THOSE THINGS! (points towards some glowing balls of evil light zooming around)
Poo: Déjà vu! (starts screaming in fear)
Exit Mouse: (as the spheres of evil light approach) Here we gooooooo!!!!
Ness: (draws his bat) Stop that.
Conducting Spirits: (two descend upon the party, crackling electricity racing over their reanimated skeleton bodies) DOOM!
Paula: THE HALLOWEENIES!
Jeff: I knew we’d sneak some holiday cheer in!
Ness: Boo yeah!
Poo: (blows the skeletons away with PSI Starstorm) Yeah!
Exit Mouse: Candy for everyone! (throws a bunch of candy at everyone)
Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo: Yay!
Uncontrollable Sphere: (flies by, laughing maniacally)
Ness: Now that we’re all on a sugar high, let’s follow that laughing ball and bash it!
Jeff: WHOO!
Paula: I WILL MAKES IT HURT!
Poo: I concur!
Exit Mouse: That candy was sugar free! (they chase after the sphere)
Uncontrollable Sphere: (stops at the end of a long passage)
Ness and Co.: WHEEE!!!!! (skid to a halt right in front of the sphere)
Exit Mouse: (looks down) Dangit, we’re standing on a hole)
Ness: Nuts! (they fall down the hole)
Paula: Ouch, good things these soft red thingies broke our fall!
Poo: That’s my head!
Jeff: Foppys, thousands of foppys!
Ness: No, no, fobbys!
Poo: I really think my head’s bleeding, could you please get off it?
Exit Mouse: Does it matter? Run!!!!!!!! (they run)
Ness: This sure seems familiar. (it seems familiar)
Poo: I agree! (Poo agrees)
Paula: There’s the exit! (yeah, there’s the exit!)
Fobby: (suddenly one appears, blocking their exit) FOBBY!
Jeff: Holy crap! What’s that?
Poo: It’s the diadem of kings!!!!
Fobby: (holds aloft the diadem of kings) Mwee hee hee!!! (starts laughing evilly)
Paula: What’s a diadem?
Ness: Obviously, the thing it’s holding!
Jeff: But what is it exactly?
Exit Mouse: Looks like a...
Poo: MINE!!!!! (hurls himself at the Fobby)
Fobby: (uses the HP sucker)
Poo: NOOOO!!!!! (falls to the ground in agony)
Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Exit Mouse: (sigh)
Ness: (pokes the Fobby)
Fobby: (goes flying back into a wall)
Poo: (yoinks the Diadem of Kings away from the Fobby) Ha!
Fobby: (huge tears well up in its eyes as Ness and Co. walk towards the exit rope ladder)
Paula: Awww, look at the cute ‘lil fuzzball.
Jeff: Fuzzball? Is this some new "nice" side of Paula we’re seeing?
Paula: Yes! (smacks Jeff)
Poo: (walks over to the Fobby) I’m, sorry.
Fobby: (kicks Poo in his shin and runs off)
Poo: AGH!!! Dang that little piece of...
Exit Mouse: Hello? There’s like 500 THOUSAND MORE OF THEM OVER THERE!!! (points to the mob of fobbys now advancing again)
Ness: Yeah, we go up ladder. (they go up ladder)
Uncontrollable Sphere: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hello!
Ness: Aw man.
Paula: He’s blocking us from reaching the Shining Spot!
Jeff: Yeah.
Uncontrollable Sphere: (spits a broken antenna at Jeff)
Jeff: (grabs it and smacks the sphere with it)
Uncontrollable Sphere: That really backfired.
Exit Mouse: Hey Ness, break the pinata!
Ness: WHOO! (bashes Poo in the head)
Exit Mouse: Bad Ness, bad!
Paula: DIE!!!! (swings her Fry Pan)
Jeff: Never! (ducks)
Uncontrollable Sphere: (gets bashed away)
Shining Spot: (explodes as the sphere hits it.)
Ness and Co.: (rush to the Shining Spot) GASP!
Electro Specter: BZZT, you will pay for that!
Jeff: Sheesh, this is the bad guy? He looks like a stupid lump of metal.
Electro Specter: I didn’t until a few seconds ago when an EXPLODING SPHERE his me!!!!
Ness: Less talky, more smacky! (smacks the Specter with his bat)
Electro Specter: (fires a few PSI thunder blasts at the crew)
Paula: (is zapped) Ack! (smacks Electro Specter)
Electro Specter: You’ll never defeat me!
Jeff: (uses the shield killer) Ha!
Electro Specter: Crap.
Ness: (bashes away)
Paula: (fires PSI Freeze Omega)
Jeff: (fires off a few multi bottle rockets)
Poo: (trips and falls)
Electro Specter: (explodes)
Exit Mouse: Sheesh, they sure don’t make the crappy robots like they used to.
Ness: ONWARD! (they leap down a nearby hole)
(the gang falls down into an earily lit glowing cavern, with a huge scrolling screen across the wall)
Ness: (whips out the Sound Stone) Oh yeah, it’s reacting! (the sound stone records the seventh melody)
Ness: Oh yeah, we gots the seventh melody!
Paula, Jeff, Poo, and Exit Mouse: Yay.
Scrolling Screen Thing: (slowly, words begin to roll across the screen) I’m Ness.
Ness: Whoa, my thoughts are appearing on the wall!
Paula: (giggles) You’re thinking "I’m Ness" right now?
Scrolling Screen Thing: Yes I am.
Ness: True that.
Jeff: Weird.
Scrolling Screen Thing: Boy, Poo is sure an idiot.
Paula and Jeff: (rolling on the ground laughing)
Poo: Wow, that thing sure knows me!
Exit Mouse: Evil Ness, bad, bad!
Scrolling Screen Thing: And Exit, geeze, what a loser! Stupid mouse.
Exit Mouse: (his eye twitches a bit)
Ness: Er, uh, can’t shut it off!
Scrolling Screen Thing: And that Jeff kid, he sure is a nerd! I can’t wait ‘til I find a good opportunity to dump him somewhere!
Jeff: Grrrr. (he, Poo, and Exit Mouse advance on Ness)
Ness: (hits himself in the head) Stop, stop!
Scrolling Screen Thing: And Paula, what’s her problem? She sure is a world class bit...(SMACK, Paula’s fry pan connects with Ness’ head)
Ness: (stumbles over to a hole in the ground and falls in)
Paula: Grrrrr, he’s not getting away so easily, let’s get him!
Jeff: Yeah!
Poo: Sure!
Exit Mouse: Why not? (they dive in after Ness)
Fobby: (pops out from behind a nearby rock, holding a controller) HEE HEE HEE!
Scrolling Screen Thingy: HEE HEE HEE!
DUH DUH DUH! The plot thickens!! So, with the Lumine Hall conquered, our heroes descend further into the unknown! What’ll happen next? Who knows? I sure don’t, but fobbys are cool so they may return somehow. See ya next time in part 25!