Evil Moonside Monkeys!

Exit Mouse: (staring at a computer screen) You is now Moonside...

Ness: What you say?

Exit Mouse: Er, nothing.

Jeff: (checking out Moonside) Wow, this place is like a surreal version of Fourside!

Ness: Wonder what this place is called. It’s not Fourside.

Passer-by: Fourside? What are you talking about? This is Moonside!

Jeff: Wow, that person was actually helpful!

Ness: Now I KNOW we’re not in Fourside.

Exit Mouse: Yeah that guy just said this is Moonside.

Ness: Well, we must be here to find Montoli.

Jeff: How do you figure?

Ness: (looking around) Who else would hang out in a creepy negative dimension other than a weird old guy who works for evil and kidnaps little girls?

Jeff: I suppose you’re right...

Exit Mouse: Paula should just be glad this isn’t an anime...

Ness: (leads them out of the café) Let’s go towards the hotel, that would be a good place to find evil!

Dali’s Clock: (floats over)

Jeff: What is up with that clock?

Ness: (draws his bat) It looks evil, that’s what!

Dali’s Clock: (freezes Jeff in time)

Jeff: Uh...I can’t move! (can’t move)

Ness: (bashes Dali’s clock) Take it, clock!

Dali’s clock: (charges into Jeff repeatedly)

Jeff: Ow, OW, OWW, OUCH!!!! (is smacked back into normal time)

Exit Mouse: (leaps up and bashes the clock)

Dali’s clock: (explodes)

Ness: Ha, stupid stationary objects! They cannot defeat US!

Abstract Art: (bashes Ness in the head)

Ness: Ooh, spoke too soon. (falls over)

Jeff: Eh? (blasts a hole through the abstract art)

Abstract Art: (pulls a moon off of itself and covers the hole with it)

Jeff: Well, crap. (blasts the art a few more times)

Abstract Art: (bursts into flames and falls to the ground, a pile of ashes)

Jeff: Ooh, COOL!

Ness: (jumps back up) Let’s go ask that guy if he knows about Mr. Montoli!

Exit Mouse: You think just some stranger you find will know anything!?

Ness: (taps the guy) Hey, do you know about Mr. Montoli?

Guy: Hello! And...good-bye!

Jeff: Hello?

Ness: Good-bye?

(they are suddenly flung to the ground, somewhere else)

Exit Mouse: Ooh, what a ride!

Ness: Arggh! Where are we now?

Jeff: (with his head in a present box) I dunno, but I just found a Night Pendant!

Ness: (sniffs) It’s not as cool as my travel charm...

Another guy: (runs up) Hey, are you guys looking for a Mr. Montoli?

Exit Mouse: Yeah, do you know where he is?

Another guy: (smiles) Hello! And...good-bye!

Jeff: Hey, you tricked us! (they get flung to the ground somewhere else)

Guy #3: Hello!

Ness: AHHHHH!!!!!!! (bashes the guy in the head with his bat)

Guy #3: (smiles a bit) And...good-bye! (hurls them to the ground somewhere else)

Ness: (spits some black grass out of his mouth) These landings are getting rough.

Jeff: Ow, I think I landed on a secret herb and it’s biting me.

Exit Mouse: That’s me, you moron!

Warp Guy #4: (shows up) Hello!

Ness: (whimpers) Not again!

Jeff: (blasts the guy a few times with his Hyper Beam)

Warp Guy #4: And...good-bye! Shall I?

Ness: No! We can’t take it anymore!!!!

Warp Guy #4: Then...good-bye! (hurls them off again)

Ness, Jeff, and Exit: (land in a heap in a small room)

Mr. T :(glares at them) I pity the foo who don’t visit Mr. T in Fourside!

Ness: Please, Mr. T, we’re missing our friend! We were too busy to visit you!

Jeff: Mr. T, can we make amends by asking for your autograph?

Mr. T: Yes, yes you can.(hands them three autographs) Try talking to my friend over there, he’s invisible!

Ness: (pokes the invisible guy) Uh, hello?

Invisible Guy: Hey, can you see me?

Jeff: (pokes him too) Yeah.

Invisible Guy: Wow, you’re become a real Moonsidian! Rock on!

Ness: Mr. T? Can we leave soon?

Mr. T: You looking for a door? You’re not gonna find one! Mr. T has no patience with losers who interrupt him when he’s doing nothing!

Jeff: Why is Mr. T yelling at us?

Ness: I dunno, but I AM scared.

Mr. T: I pity the foo who don’t BEGONE! (hurls them to another location)

Exit Mouse: Wow, I didn’t know Mr. T had godlike powers!

Ness: I knew.

Invisible Guy: Hee hee ha! It’s me again! You guys seem interesting, I’m gonna follow you!

Jeff: (pokes him) Knock yourself out. (they walk outside of the hotel)

Invisible Guy: Hey! Don’t you wish you had a gold tooth like mine?

Ness: No, I brush everyday with MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!! (whips out a toothbrush)

Exit Mouse: Come on, we have to find Montoli!

Jeff: You think he’s in that giant building?

Exit Mouse: Probably not, but let’s head there anyway!

Robo-Pump: (Hops out of the shadows)

Ness: Watch out, guys! (smacks the robo-pump)

Robo-Pump: (whispers) 3...

Jeff: (blasts the robo-pump)

Robo-Pump: (murmurs) 2...

Ness: (bashes it again) We can’t stop the countdown!

Robo-Pump: (utters) 1...

Jeff and Exit Mouse: AHHHH!!!!! (dive for cover)

Robo-Pump: (throws a bomb at Ness)

Jeff: Hey, how’d it throw a bomb without any arms?

Exit Mouse: Shutup, Jeff.

Ness: (smacks the bomb back into the robo-pump, exploding it into pieces)

Invisible Guy: Hey, that was cool.

Ness: (kicking the robo-pump’s debris) Yeah, it was.

Invisible Guy: But not as cool as my eyebrows! Check ‘em out, they’re connected!

Ness: Yeah...cool...whatever (they reach the giant building)

Sailor: Hey, Mr. Montoli is up ahead, but I’m going to stop you right here!

Invisible Guy: Hey, I have a gold tooth and my eyebrows are connected. Let them through!

Sailor: Sorry sir, I didn’t know you were there! Let’s dump these kids and go get a drink or something?

Invisible Guy: Yeah, sure, whatever. (they walk off)

Ness, Jeff, and Exit: (charge forward to confront Montoli)

Ness: (draws his bat) It’s over, Montoli!

Jeff: (draws his hyper beam) Release Paul...I mean Paula!

Exit Mouse: (starts playing a CD of the boss battle remix) I feel a boss battle coming!

Mr. Montoli: (standing in front of a yogurt machine) I’m not Mr. Montoli (disappears)

Jeff: Well, crud.

Yogurt machine: (starts floating into the air) MUA HAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Ness: This is slightly odd...

Jeff: Don’t just stand there, KILL IT!!!!! (blasts the yogurt machine)

Ness: (fires a stream of PSI Rockin Beta into the yogurt machine)

Yogurt Machine: (explodes)

Ness, Jeff, and Exit Mouse: (are hurled to the floor in a warehouse in the café)

Ness: (prods the broken yogurt machine with his bat) So...huh?

Jeff: What the heck happened?

Exit Mouse: The yogurt machine was actually a device that creates illusions, the device is now destroyed.

Ness: (as they leave the café) Well, maybe we need somewhere else to find Montoli.

Jeff: Maybe we could just try going into his skyscraper base? I’m sure we could force our way in.

Ness: (as the receiver phone rings) Quiet, Jeff! I’ve got a call!

Apple Kid: Hello, Ness? I created a wacky invention a little while ago, and sent it to you guys in Fourside. It’s the yogurt machine! It creates all kinds of yogurt! Have you seen it around?

Ness: Uh, yeah, we saw it, Apple Kid...briefly.

Apple Kid: That’s good. The only problem with it is that it only creates trout-flavored yogurt right now. I hope you’ll find a good use for it! (kaboom) uhgottagonowseeyalaterbye! (hangs up)

Monkey: (suddenly runs up) Talah Rama has finished fasting. He now wishes to meet you. Join us in the desert, in the monkey cave! (teleports off)

Electra: (suddenly runs up) I’m Electra, Mr. Montoli’s maid. I heard you talking about trout-flavored yogurt!

Ness: Uh, we don’t have any, actually...

Electra: Phooey! If you find any, please bring it to me so I can serve it to Mr. Montoli’s special guest! (runs off)

Jeff: Dear God, is this whole town on speed or something?

Exit Mouse: (runs into the café and returns with a cup of trout-flavored yogurt) I got some yogurt from the machine, let’s go give it to her! We’ll be able to get into Mr. Montoli’s building!

Ness: Wait, first we have to visit the monkey cave!

Exit Mouse: Why? We could rescue Paula right now!

Jeff: (looks over at the Montoli building, which is consumed in flames) It looks like she’s handling herself pretty well.

Exit Mouse: Or maybe she can SEE us standing around instead of rescuing her?

Ness: All the more reason to head for the desert! (they hop a bus and get out back in the Dusty Dunes desert)

(they head up into the desert and hop down the monkey’s hole)

Monkey: Give me a skip sandwich!

Jeff: (pulls one out of his pocket and hands it to the monkey) Here ya go.

Monkey: (grumbles and moves aside)

Ness: (as they walk through a cave and find another pair of guard monkeys) Why are all these monkeys guarding stuff?

Monkey: Give me protein drink!

Ness: (pulls one out of his backpack) Lucky I bought TWO of these way back when.

Exit Mouse: Lucky you weren’t dumb enough to drink both of them...

Monkey: (drinks it and passes out)

Ness, Jeff, and Exit Mouse: (step over the monkey’s body and continue on)

Monkey: Give me ruler!

Jeff: (pulls one out of his pocket) Ooh! I got one!

Monkey: (grabs the ruler and runs aside)

King Banana: (comes flying out of the cave and hits Exit)

Exit Mouse: Cool!

Ness: (as they head back) We better ask the other monkey...

Other Monkey: GIVE ME PIZZA!!!!!

Jeff: Ulp, I don’t think we have THAT!

Ness: Watch and learn, Jeff! (pulls an entire pizza out of his backpack)

Other Monkey: YUM! (devours the pizza)

Monkey: (as they come out of the tunnel) You’ve come far, but this is the end of the line! You don’t have a King Banana!

Ness: Exit does! (looks around) Where’d he go?

Exit Mouse: (comes walking out of the next cave over, holding a bag of something)

Jeff: What’cha got, Exit?

Exit Mouse: Just using on of my hamburgers to get something cool. (hides the bag away in his pocket (or something) and tosses the monkey the king banana.)

Monkey: Dang. (moves aside)

Ness, Jeff, and Exit Mouse: (head through the final tunnel to find...a giant pencil shaped iron statue!)

Ness: Uh...dang.

Monkey: (laughing insanely) Try and get past, THAT!

Apple Kid: (suddenly bursts in through the cave wall and erases the statue with the PENCIL ERASER!) Now will you take the pencil eraser, Ness?

Ness: No.

Apple Kid: Come on, you’ve taken all my other inventions I made for you!

Ness: Er, more or less.

Jeff: Less, in the yogurt machine’s case...

Exit Mouse: Quit whining, Apple Kid! The pencil eraser’s the only way you can stay in the plot!

Apple Kid: (grumbles and flies off)

Talah Rama: (as they come into his lair) Ah, you’ve finally made it. Please accept my monkey’s gift!

Monkey: (walks over and smacks Ness in the head)

Ness: Ow! Hey! Now I know how to teleport!

Jeff: How’d that happen?

Ness: I dunno.

Talah Rama: The prophecy foretells of three boys and a girl who will defeat Master Giygas, I cannot allow that to happen!

Ness: Wait, did he say "master" Giygas?

Exit Mouse: Uh oh, THAT sounded bad.

Mani Mani Statue: (hops out from behind Talah Rama)

Ness: Hey, haven’t we seen this statue somewhere before?

Jeff: No.

Mani Mani: (hurls itself into Ness)

Ness: OUCH! (is body slammed into the wall)

Jeff: (shoots the Mani Mani with his hyper beam)

Mani Mani: (smacks into Jeff)

Ness: Duck, Jeff! (blasts the Mani Mani with PSI Rockin B)

Jeff: (ducks as the Mani Mani is blasted over his head)

Mani Mani: (emits a pale green light)

Ness and Jeff: (fall over, paralyzed)

Mani Mani: (hops closer)

Ness: This looks like the end...

Jeff: Nice knowing you, Ness...

Exit Mouse: (drops down from the roof of the cave) EAT DEATH, MANI MANI!!!!! (hurls a super bomb at the Mani Mani statue)

Ness: Doesn’t make sense, but WOW!

Jeff: That explains where my super bomb went...

Mani Mani: (is smacked by the bomb and explodes, taking out most of the cave along with him)

Talah Rama: Aw crap...

Ness, Jeff, and Exit Mouse: (suddenly reappear in the warehouse in the back of the café)

Ness: Waitaminute...huh?

Jeff: Déjà vu all over again!!!!

Exit Mouse: (pokes the broken Mani Mani statue) Uh, let’s just go to Montoli’s building. I’ve had enough weird side-quests.

Ness and Jeff: Agreed. (they walk outside and head for Mr. Montoli’s building)

Jeff: Hey Ness, what if THIS is all an illusion still?

Ness: Hm...(shoots off along the road and disappears)

Exit Mouse: Well that was an odd answer.

Ness: (comes zooming back in and reappears) I still know teleport.

Jeff: But you learned it in an illusion!

Ness: We killed Mani Mani, no more illusions!

Jeff: What if it was an illusion that we killed him?

Exit Mouse: (pulls a cup of trout-flavored yogurt out of somewhere) I still have the yogurt, too.

Ness: And you’ve got your night pendant!

Exit Mouse: (checks his pockets) And I’ve got my bag of cool stuff!

Jeff: ...whatever. Okay, no more illusions.

Ness: Darn right. (they head for the Montoli building)

Jeff: Wait, wasn't the Montoli building on fire earlier?

Ness: (sighs) Obviously not.

What’s with all the stuff they were able to get in illusions and still have? Maybe I could see Ness learning teleport and still knowing it, but the yogurt and Jeff’s night pendant? Sheesh! The Mani Mani is Mani Mani in the Mani Mani every Mani Mani! See ya next week for when Paula is finally rescued, they realize that they could’ve walked into the Montoli building earlier but didn’t think of it, and reports speculating that the Runaway Five have a flying bus!