Jeff takes a vacation

By, BloopBleepBlop

As the rain continued to poor in Onett Ness constantly realized how much he missed fighting enemies and how much he hated staying home and watching TV. He decided to see what his friends were doing. Ness shouted, "PSI Teleport Beta!" and in an instant he found himself in Twoson, where it was no less rainy.

With the only protection from the rain as his red baseball hat, Ness finally made his way to Polestar Preschool. Paula, who wasn’t any happier than Ness, was in charge of the preschoolers, who were being effected by the rain. Ness heard shouts like, "No! Put that down!" and "That cost me 50 bucks! Don’t try to juggle it!"

Ness was about to leave and go get Poo when Paula had spotted him. "Great," she said, "Now you can help me watch these little monst…er…blessings."

"Actually I was wondering if you wanted to go and find Jeff and Poo." said Ness.

"No problem," replied Paula as she used PSI Freeze alpha on the children.

"Your mom is going to kill you when she finds out what happened!" shouted Ness.

"Don’t worry," Paula said calmly, "their on some sort of cruise."

Ness shrugged and said, "Well…okay. Let’s go," and in an instant teleported to Dalaam.

In Dalaam the weather was a different story. It was sunny and hot. Poo was in the middle of a fanning when Ness and Paula arrived.

"Welcome my friends!" said Poo; "This is an unexpected surprise! What have you come for?"

"Well," replied Ness, "I was bored and decided to see what everybody was doing."

"And those kids at the preschool were driving me nuts," said Paula.

"Let us go get Jeff then," Poo replied, and in an instant were in front of the Dr. Andonut’s lab. There was a note attached to the door. Ness read it.

" ‘Dear Ness, Paula, and Poo,

I have anticipated your return to the laboratory by calculating the average amount of sleep you get times Ness’ insistence of visiting every 3.45576 days to the power of the amount of…’ uh, skipping over that part ‘I am on a space flight with my father Dr. Andonuts. I realized that with a few minor modifications the Sky Runner has become the Space Runner. I have placed the bad key machine in the stuffed Maddious Duckeous. You may go in and repose for a concise period, but do not make contact with any of my phenomenal inventions. Jeff ’ "

"I hate when Jeff can’t seem to speak English," muttered Ness.

"Check the back for an explanation," said Paula.

On the back was some more writing with the word "Laymen’s Terms"

Ness read again.

" ‘I knew you were coming because I’m a genius. I’m in outer space with my dad. I changed the Sky Runner. The bad key machine is in the dead Mad Duck. You can go inside and hang, but T O U C H N O T H I N G!!!’ "

"Oh, much clearer," said Poo.

After fifteen minute of arguing, not being able to name the capital of Norway, not remembering who shot J.R., and losing rock, scissors at least 20 times Ness was the one to reach inside the Mad Duck and unlock the door. When they went in the place was a mess with food, blue prints, and inventions sprawled all over.

Poo said, "I already feel sick looking at your western food."

Ness said, "Somebody must have broke in," and took his Gutsy Bat out of his backpack.

Paula said, "Nah. It’s probably just Apple Kid."

"Oh…" said Ness as he put his bat away.

Paula was right. It was Apple Kid. He was watching three different televisions. One had the WSN ([W]inter’s [S]hopping [N]etwork), one had a baseball game, and the third one had some sort of religious program. Ness said hi once but the only reply he got was "Can’t talk. Watching."

"Oh well," said Ness. "It’s more exciting to turn on machines when you don’t know what they do."

"We really shouldn’t play with those," said Poo.

"Don’t worry," replied Ness, "I know what I’m doing."

Thirty doorbells, 24 Twinkie dispensers, and a fruit dehydrator later Ness found a machine with the words "D O N ‘ T T O U C H ! H A Z A R D O U S!" So he turned it on. As soon as it went on he heard a scream from the other room.

"My babies! My babies!" Apple Kid cried, "What has happened to my babies! I see no more picture on your screen and no sound from your innards!"

He was talking about his Televisions. The light on the machine was now blinking. Ness thought this was a perfect opportunity to prove he was as smart as Jeff was and hit the red button as soon as he did this a large explosion ripped through the lab and everybody flew everywhere. When he woke up he had a very strong urge to play baseball. That was all he wanted to do. That was all he could think of. Baseball. Baseball. Baseball. Baseball. Baseball! As loud as he could he shouted, "PLAY BALL!"

He was not the only one acting weird. Paula had an uncontrollable urge to make a sale. Sell. Sell. Sell. Sell. Sell! She would beat herself with her own arm to make a sale. Poo was thinking over his daily schedule. Instead of mediating he felt like preaching. Instead of seeking wisdom he wanted to perform an exorcism. He wanted to scream out, "How can this be?" but instead he said, "Demon! Leave this child!" with a very southern accent.

Meanwhile Apple Kid, who stopped mourning over the loss of his televisions, was wondering what was going on.

"Um…are you guys okay?" he inquired. At this point Ness was hitting things with his bat and Poo had tied down Paula, all ready to make an exorcism. Paula said he could do it if he bought a Magic Fry Pan.

This was when Apple Kid ran and jumped out the window to escape from the insanity. However, the lab had plastic windows and he bounced off.

His next option was to turn the machine off, but he had no clue how to. He studied the machine and saw no way of turning it off. Then he got an idea. He yelled, "Hey Ness. Look at this machine you can play baseball with."

Ness ran up and started beating the machine. Eventually it caught fire and Poo thought it was possessed, so he performed an exorcism on it. So far, Apple Kid noted, the lab was smashed up, on fire, and had shrapnel all over the place, so logically he thought it couldn’t get any worse.

It got worse. The auto-extinguisher came on to put out the fire. Ness hit it and changed the firing path. It missed the fire and covered Apple Kid. Ness hit the extinguisher one more time and let loose the largest explosion the lab had seen since Dr. Andonuts invented the Zexonyte Bomb in 198X.

Everyone was thrown out the windows (which really hurt because they were made of plastic) just in time for Jeff to come crashing down in the Space Runner. That didn’t help to the enormous fire that had already consumed the lab. A white fluffy ball of fire extinguisher innards (Apple Kid) came running up to Jeff to tell him all that had happened. Instead Jeff described to Apple Kid what had happened in amazing detail.

"How did you know?" asked Apple Kid.

"Well," replied Jeff, "I took the amount of things Ness destroys in an hour, multiplied it by the quantity of how much television you watch a day, plus the amount of time I was gone, all divided by…"

"Okay, okay. Sorry I asked. Yeesh. Some people. Anyway, how do you fix it?"

"Did you try the power lever?"

"The what?"

"The off switch."

"Oh, The off switch. I knew I should have tried that. OF COURSE I LOOKED FOR AN OFF SWITCH! There was none."

"Did you check the horizontal side?"

"You lost me again."

"The bottom."

"No. Why?"

"The power lever was on the horizontal side."

"Oh. Oops. Well there really isn’t much of a…uh…lever anymore. Or a machine. Or a lab for that matter."

"Of course there is a lab. That was a fake lab that I created for this purpose of not getting destroyed by all of you."

"Well, thanks for your trust!"

"You did not prove me wrong, did you?

"Well, no. Anyway how do you turn that machine off now that it’s broken."

"Simple. Turn of the reserved machine."

About fifteen minutes later Paula was selling stuff Dr. Andonuts that he already owned, Poo was in coma from performing so many exorcisms, Ness had been duct taped to a flag pole, Apple Kid learned some new scientific terms that he really didn’t care about, and the fake lab had burned down.

When Jeff found the spare machine he turned it off and everybody lived happily for about ten more minutes when Ness started playing with Jeff’s machines again. Also, Dr. Andonuts caveman might have died in the fake lab fire, even though no remains were found. I blame those darn aliens who put those microchips in my fingers that makes me ramble on and on at the end of a story I write. They also programmed me so any time I see a train with more than eight cars I have an urge to jump in front of it. Wait a second. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven. Eight?!?! *Splat*