Jeff's Pitiful Poetry
Written by The Artist Formerly Known As CPTCrunch

This poem Jeff
The boy genius did write
As he ran across the sky
On his way to Threed
In 199X.
Or at least,
It's a poem he would have wrote,
Had he thought to write a poem,
which he didn't.
And it goes as follows:

Traffic's backed up
In the desert again
And some hillbilly's shooting at me
With what looks like a BB gun
Even though I'm cruising
At 1,500 feet or so.

What on earth am I doing, anyway?
What possessed me to get out of bed
At four in the morning
And trudge through the cold
With that stupid little monkey
Who would pick fights
With Gruff Goats
and then stand there
Like some kind of cretin
Scratching his head?
Whoever Paula is,
I hope she realizes
That she owes me BIG time for this.

At least I finally got the chance
To get away from that Tony kid
He's really been acting
Like a little creep lately.

It seems I'm in Threed now
People are pointing at me
Or, rather, at the Sky Runner
And screaming
And someone's setting up
An anti-aircraft cannon
That does not look
Like a friendly gesture to me.

The radar is beeping
Probably dad forgot
To have it serviced again
This thing's been sitting
In his shop
For the last thirty years or so
And probably needs an oil change.
I won't get much further
At this rate
So perhaps I ought to just crash it
Into this graveyard right here.
And I don't care
WHAT Paula or this Ness guy tell me
They are NOT getting my boiled egg.

-- "Lamentations of the Sky Runner"
By Jeff Andonuts, 199X

So I must flee again
After bringing to you
This wonderful poem
The men in white coats
Are after me once again
Sometime soon I'll write
Another wonderful poem for you
This is actually quite fun
I may just decide
To chronicle EarthBound
Entirely in "free verse" poem form.
Let's hope not
Because that would mean
I have WAY too much time on my hands
And probably no one would
Read it anyway.