Once upon a midnight dreary, while lamers pondered, ops were leery,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of ancient lore,

While I nodded, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping,

As of a script telling me of colors, or swearing, or flooding galore,

"Tis some lamer," I told myself, "getting booted out the door -

                                Only this and nothing more."


Ah, I distinctly remember, it was late in bleak December,

And each separate dying research paper missed the trash can and hit the 
floor,

Eagerly I wished for morrow - vainly I had sought to borrow

From my projects surcease of lameness - lameness from the lame h4x0r -

From the rare and retarded lamer whom the demons name h4x0r -

                                Nameless here forevermore.


And the silken sad rapid canning of lamers with swift hard banning

Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic fatigue never felt before;

So that now, to still the rolling of my eyes, I sat repeating,

"'Tis some lamer being lame and being booted out the door -

Some late later being lame and being booted out the door -

                                This it is and nothing more."


Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Sir," said I, to no one in particular, "your forgiveness I implore -

But the fact is that I was sleeping, and so gently my script came beeping,

And so faintly it came beeping - beeping from my chamber floor,

That I scarce was sure you were lame" - here I clicked mIRC version 4,

                                Disconnected there, and nothing more.


Reconnected from the attack peering, long I sat there, dreading, ph33ring,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no chatter ever dared to dream before,

But the silence was unbroken, and mIRC gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word "h4x0r!" -

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word "h4x0r!"

                                This I heard and nothing more.


Then into #earthbound turning, all my brain within me burning,

Soon again I heard a beeping, this one louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is someone that came in the same time as I,

Let me see then, what lamer it is, and this mystery explore -

Let the channel be still a moment, and this mystery explore -

                                Tis a lamer and nothing more."


Open here I kicked the lamer, when, with many a cheering gamer,

In there stepped a stately guru of the saintly days of yore,

Not the least move made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he,

But, my brain pondered, perplexed by the apparent return of the lam0r,

"I'm guruzeth... if he's guruzeth, then who's h4x0r?"

                                He kicked, and I was in the channel no more.


Then I rejoined to see the guru beguiling my mad wondering into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance he wore,

"Though thy boots be hard and fast, thou," I said, "art a thing of the past,

Ghastly grim and ancient guru wandering from the mental home door -

Tell me how you'll stop me from being lame and lame and lame some more!"

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


Much I laughed at this ungainly op to hear discourse so plainly,

Though his answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was cursed with seeing madman guru above his channel door -

Man or beast upon the sculptured @ above his channel poor,

                                With such a reason as "Nevermore."


But the guru, sitting lonely on that placid @, spoke only

That one word, as if his intelligence in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then he uttered, not a bootlace then he fluttered,

Till I scarcely more than muttered, "COME TO MY WEBSITE MORE,

OR I'LL &$^&#$(%^&!#$(%$^%&#$^(^(&^%$& AND YOU'LL BE SORE!"

                                Then the guru said, "Nevermore."


Startled at the stillness broken by that kick so rudely spoken,

"Doubtless," said I, "what you utter is your only stock and store,

Your only brain cell working after some unmerciful Disaster

You kicked me unfairly, and for that you shall pay squarely,

Till the dirges of your stupid kicks shall forever be lost in lore,

                                Of "Never-Nevermore".



But the guru still beguiling all my mad soul into smiling,

Straight I turned on the bright yellow color in front of op and boot and 
door,

Then, upon the night constraining, I betook myself to complaining,

"GURU SUCKS $#^&#$)@^&@$!^ AND $^&#O$^&! AND MORE

WAIT TIL YOU ALL SEE THE H4X0RING I HAVE IN STORE!"

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


Now I sat engaged in swearing, but no syllable comparing

To the guru whose fiery boots now burned into my rear end's core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the keyboard's gel pad lining that the monitor light gloated o'er,

But now I took to my repining my revenge, saying o'er and o'er,

                                He shall kick, ah, nevermore!


Then, to IRC I reconnected, and entered #earthbound undetected

Thanks to AOL, the greatest ISP ever for every lame lam0r.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy ego hath made thee - by its oversize hath crazed 
thee

Peer off - peer off and die from the vicious attacks of h4x0r!

Die, oh die thou $^(#$^ guru, and you're a @#&^#$ bore!"

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


"#$&^(#%!" said I, "thing of evil! - @#%5*#$ still, power crazed devil!

Whether tempest sent, or tossed thee here from room with rubber floor,

Ego-manic yet all undaunted, your power and your @ you flaunted,

On this Chatter by Injustice haunted - tell me truly I implore -

Let me - let me back in #earthbound!  Do it - do it now, I implore!"

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


"#@%&%!" said I, "thing of evil! - #%^&E$ still, power crazed devil!"

Before I get really ticked off - before I hack your channel sore -

Tell this soul with freedom fights laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall be unbanned and #earthbound shall welcome back h4x0r.

Indeed, a rare and brilliant hacker whom the demons name h4x0r."

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


"Be that word our sign of parting, fiendish Stalin!" I shrieked, upstarting 
-

"Get thee back into the mental home and the self-esteem therapy doct0r!

Leave no boot polish as a token of that op abuse thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my h4x0ring unbroken! - quit the channel and hand thy @ o'er!

Take thy boot from out my butt, and take thy ban from off my door!

                                Quoth the guru, "Nevermore."


And the guru, never flitting, still is sitting - still is sitting

Still abusing his @ and banning the innocent for reasons poor;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a Hitler that is dreaming,

And the super-ego o'er him streaming throws him into craze for power more;

And the ban from out that ego that lies wronging the great h4x0r

                                Shall be lifted - nevermore!


[22:22] *** #earthbound cannot join channel (address is banned)